No matter what people say when you lose someone you are left alone with your grief and everyone expects you to get over it so now I cry alone and when people ask me how I am I say fine because I know they don't really care

Views: 300

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Pamela, I know exactly what you're saying as I have experienced the same thing. People grieve in different ways and some people take longer to get to the point where you can function normally. You're right, it's a lot easier just to say "I'm doing fine" when someone asks you how you're doing, rather than try and find the words you need to really describe how you're feeling. If you're lucky enough to find those words you'll suddenly realize that the majority of those who ask how you're doing are just asking to be nice. I don't know if that makes any sense to you or not? I have been asked before "Why are you still upset" or "I would've thought that you'd be over it by now!!" I'm sorry that I don't have any magical words to help you, but please know that I, and I'm sure the majority of people on this site, are here if you need to talk some more. God Bless

Oh Pamela, I know exactly where you are coming from.  I dont discuss my grief with many people anymore. I feel like people dont really care when they ask me how I am doing.  It's been 10 months and I feel like they are wanting me to say "I'm fine."  well, that's a lie. I am not fine, I miss my husband, every.single.day.

I live the life of a fraud because on the outside, I am going along to get along. I dont want to make people uncomfortable, they dont want to sit with me and understand exactly how I feel... but on the inside, I am completely and utterly lost.

Comedian Patton Oswalt who recently lost his wife suddenly has a response, that I now also use when people as him how he is doing.  He says "I'm here."

that's exactly how I feel...  I'm here, today... so.. there you go. 

I guess I'm lucky in that my family knows that I will never "get over" my husband's death, nor "move on" in any way. 

As far as other people, I do not say "Fine" when they ask how I am.  If I don't know them, which is usually the case (customers at work, for example), when they say "Hi, how are you?", I simply respond with "How are you?".  I find that they don't really even notice that I haven't directly responded to their question.  My family, and other people who know me, know better than to ask me that question, because I have explicitly asked them not to ask me, since my answer will always be the same and will never be what they want to hear.

This past Saturday I went over to my BIL and SIL's house for the first time in months.  And of course, I get the questions..

And I let my BIL have it. I told him that every single day I struggle to make it through the day.  And that I understand he is grieving, he has a family to come home to.  He has a wife and kids that are with him, that help him through.  I dont, so yeah, I am not doing very well.

Probably never be invited back. 

Hopefully he will now better understand that he just shouldn't ask.

Thank you for that,I'm going to use that as my answer from now on and you're right no one will ever notice I didn't answer the question
You are not totally alone. We are here. Not much but something. Those not grieving don't know what to say or can't face it. This does show us who we can count on and who we can't though, doesn't it?
Thankyou Michael sadly you are right I have learned a valuable lesson on who I can count on and who I can't and thank you for being here it does help a great deal to talk to someone who understands have a good day

Pamela,

AMEN to that, all I have is my Babie J who is the sweetest thing next to my beloved Husband in Heaven.

RSS

Latest Activity

Speed Weasel posted a blog post

Assumptions

An assumption is an unexamined belief: what is thought to be true without ever really realizing that we think in that way. For better or worse, understanding starts with entertaining the idea that something is true.  Truly profound thoughts generally come to light from the relaxation of these (flawed) assumptions.  This is where I find myself today...Perhaps, one of the more significant drivers to pushing down the loss and grief at the time of the accident, ignoring it and mindlessly walking…See More
Mar 13
Profile IconCari Jo Converse, Jennifer and James D. Thornsberry joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Mar 13
Profile IconMarina Dsouza, Leah, Sandra M Aaron and 5 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Mar 5
esther joined HollowHeart's group
Thumbnail

Sibling Loss

This group is for anyone that has lost a brother or sister. Sibling loss is often minimized and people don't realize how devastating losing a sibling can be. I lost my older sister and my life will never be the same. She was my only sibling, I looked up to her, I went to her for everything. I lost my past, present and future. It is traumatic.See More
Mar 4
Speed Weasel posted a video

Sun Keeps Risin'

Provided to YouTube by The Orchard EnterprisesSun Keeps Risin' · Lissie · Elisabeth Corrin Maurus · Martin CraftMy Wild West℗ 2015 Lionboy RecordsReleased on...
Feb 26
Speed Weasel posted a blog post

Triggers Continue to Surface

Late February is a challenging time of year for me.  Jen’s birthday is the 23rd and serves as an annual reminder of all of the potential that was lost…Her’s (mainly), mine, the world’s honestly.  This year she would be 52…It is increasingly hard to imagine, through all of the iterations possible, what she could have become, what was to be her (significant) impact on the world.That being said, things, emotions, have largely settled down since I committed a potential version of what could have…See More
Feb 15
Michelle joined Gyla Lynn Darden's group
Thumbnail

Loss of a child In memory of my son or daughter

This group focuses on healing ourselves and each other over the death of a child and welcomes a Christian atmosphere to help with the healing process. I welcome all of those grieving.See More
Feb 8
Tammy McLaughlin and Rosie are now friends
Jan 30

© 2024   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service