I lost my husband 10 months ago. He was my everything. We were together for 20 years. His birthday was a couple of weeks ago. That was very hard for my children and I. This Friday is our anniversary. I'm dreading it so much. I still cry everyday. I'm on the verge of tears all the time. He was always my biggest fan. I'm so unsure of myself without him. I miss everything about him. He was my reason for getting up every morning. I never thought at 38 I would have to be without him. We should of had so much more time. I dontbthink the pain will ever go away. If anyone has any suggestions about how you get through an anniversary I would love to hear them. Thank you.

Views: 260

Replies to This Discussion

April,

I understand, as much as anyone else can, what it's like. My husband died 4 years ago, and September contains our wedding anniversary, the day of his death, and his birthday.  It sucks.  He was only 40 when he died, and I was 43, so I understand not thinking you would be without your soulmate so young, too.

I can't offer any advice about how to get through the anniversary. I basically just cry, then take a sleeping pill and go to bed. Since you have children, maybe spending the day with them would be helpful for you?

April,

Today is exactly nine months for me.  It is no easier.  John died two days after Christmas.  Within a few months of my beloved's death was, New Year's Eve, New Year's Day , Valentines Day, Father's Day, his birthday and our anniversary. All one on top of the other.  If I had been lucky I would have gone with John.  I am still here.  Loving him and missing him daily.  He would want me to go on....how do I do that?  I know how you feel.  We were lucky to have been so loved.  I'll love him till I die...and even then.

What would have been our 30th anniversary is coming up on 10/3 and I don't know how I'm going to get through it.

Robin,

"Our anniversary"  I spent the day alone.  I wanted NO company.   I made a lovely but small dinner.  I put his picture on the other side of the table and lit a candle for him.  I had champagne and toasted our years together and our love for one another and cried many tears.  I talked to him and told him how much I love and miss him......as if he didn't know.

Three months from today, the first anniversary of his death,  I wish to be alone, my son says he wants to be here.  It's going to be a "John" day.  Laughs, funny stories, lots of tears and some Jack Daniels.  I'll get through it.  My son wants to come over when actually I'd rather be alone but you know how it is.  Somehow you will do it.

April, I offer hugs to you.  October 4th will be the 6th month mark for me, and the 22nd would have been 14 years together.  Both days are going to be hell, this I know.  I am 20 years older than you, but I can tell you that from my perspective, there is no difference in the pain, despair, or loneliness.  I only wish I had a course of action that would heal us both, and renew our lives in an instant.

I wish I had words of wisdom to help ease the pain, but ...I don't. I can tell you what not to do, as I sadly found out. My husband died 10 months ago. Our Anniversary was six months after he died. I thought, I am just going to treat it like any other day. It wasn't just like any other day; it was the day we vowed to love each other in sickness and in health. I learned from that experience though. I now know that each 'event' will be different and that each person needs to honor what is right for them. I like the idea of spending our Anniversary alone and I plan on doing that for our next Anniversary. My son's 17th birthday was yesterday, his first without his Dad. I wrote a short note in his card and I talked about my husband. It was actually a nice birthday for him. I guess we will learn by trial and error, what we can do. To me, the most important thing about a wedding Anniversary is the love which never dies. I have to add though - but when the person dies, it s^cks and hurts!

Moore, Robin, April et al,

Our love never dies.  All of the BIG days hurt.  I know the first anniv. of his death will be horrible and I truly would like to spend it alone but could not tell my son NO. 

Really, it hasn't got easier for me.  I belong to a grief group, I do go out with these lovely people and come home and scream.  It's not fair.  John was frail and for five years we stayed mostly at home, mostly alone.  He didn't  mind a bit, my former "Party Doll" husband never complained, NEVER.   So, I feel guilty going out with my friends.  New friends, understanding friends. This is what John would want.  Dec. 27th will be a hard day.  I'll love him till I die.

Attachments:

My husband passed in December and our 35th wedding anniversary would have been Valentines Day.  You can't avoid Valentines Day even if you try.  

I cannot imagine how more difficult it is with children, I am so sorry for you loss. For our 25th anniversary I had made a small memory book - just a few photos of us as children, high school and a trip we took.  I choose to focus on the positive as there are so many things about him that are special.  I know I was blessed to have him for the time I did. I think about all the things that had to fall into place even for us to have met.  I regret not knowing how my parents met - they are both gone and I really don't know.  It might be something you can do with your children, put together a memory book and share your good memories.  I wish you peace.

On the first wedding anniversary after he died I actually found a videotape of our wedding. I debated watching it, but did so anyway with our daughter at my side. Between her comments and my commentary of the wedding we laughed and cried our way thru it! For dinner I made my husband's favorite meal. I have encouraged our 2 children to talk about their dad whenever they want. Granted they are in their 20's but having him gone as they start their adult life  has been rough. He was the one they'd go to to get help in filling out job applications and suggestions on how to  make the best presentation during an interview. Our wedding anniversary is coming up next month, again...will I repeat last year? I don't know. The anniversary of his death is in November and whereas last year a friend helped me thru it, this year, she too, is gone..so I really don't know what I'll do. But I figure it's still ok to cry....

Hello April, I too was with with my Andy for 20 years, I also have 2 children, he was only 42 when our world was shattered 14 months ago, I can't really give you much advise how to get through your anniversary, because Oleta I too wanted to be alone, I sent my children round to their grandparents as I did on Christmas day, I just didn't want to be around anyone, everday is a struggle but special days, birthdays I.e are unbearble.I send you and your children hugs xxxx

 April, If you have a big family--like I do--for example for Thanksgiving my daughter and I are going to pass out empty glass ornaments and have everyone write a favorite story or personality trait of my husbands--then place it inside the ornament.  I can keep the tree and will read to each one to the entire family on Christmas Eve.  It has only been 9 months but we are thinking ahead.  Maybe have  your kids fill a shoe box of what they loved about your relationship together.  Your children were lucky to see such a good relationship:) Take Care,Ruthie

RSS

Latest Activity

Speed Weasel posted a blog post

Assumptions

An assumption is an unexamined belief: what is thought to be true without ever really realizing that we think in that way. For better or worse, understanding starts with entertaining the idea that something is true.  Truly profound thoughts generally come to light from the relaxation of these (flawed) assumptions.  This is where I find myself today...Perhaps, one of the more significant drivers to pushing down the loss and grief at the time of the accident, ignoring it and mindlessly walking…See More
Mar 13
Profile IconCari Jo Converse, Jennifer and James D. Thornsberry joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Mar 13
Profile IconMarina Dsouza, Leah, Sandra M Aaron and 5 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Mar 5
esther joined HollowHeart's group
Thumbnail

Sibling Loss

This group is for anyone that has lost a brother or sister. Sibling loss is often minimized and people don't realize how devastating losing a sibling can be. I lost my older sister and my life will never be the same. She was my only sibling, I looked up to her, I went to her for everything. I lost my past, present and future. It is traumatic.See More
Mar 4
Speed Weasel posted a video

Sun Keeps Risin'

Provided to YouTube by The Orchard EnterprisesSun Keeps Risin' · Lissie · Elisabeth Corrin Maurus · Martin CraftMy Wild West℗ 2015 Lionboy RecordsReleased on...
Feb 26
Speed Weasel posted a blog post

Triggers Continue to Surface

Late February is a challenging time of year for me.  Jen’s birthday is the 23rd and serves as an annual reminder of all of the potential that was lost…Her’s (mainly), mine, the world’s honestly.  This year she would be 52…It is increasingly hard to imagine, through all of the iterations possible, what she could have become, what was to be her (significant) impact on the world.That being said, things, emotions, have largely settled down since I committed a potential version of what could have…See More
Feb 15
Michelle joined Gyla Lynn Darden's group
Thumbnail

Loss of a child In memory of my son or daughter

This group focuses on healing ourselves and each other over the death of a child and welcomes a Christian atmosphere to help with the healing process. I welcome all of those grieving.See More
Feb 8
Tammy McLaughlin and Rosie are now friends
Jan 30

© 2024   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service