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Comment by Heather on July 27, 2016 at 7:13pm

Hi,

I lost my mom just 3 weeks ago.  She had been hospitalized for a blood clot and so had to have surgery to remove it (she had just turned 90 a few weeks earlier).  She came through the surgery well according to the doctor.  She had had the surgery on a friday night and my sister and I waited around until 2:30 on Saturday morning to see her in recovery.  However they still couldn't say when we could see her so we both went home.  I spoke with my sister later that morning and she said she would be going in and would let me know how she was doing (I lived further out about a half hour away).  I went about the business of the day.  Mid afternoon I get a frantic call from my sister saying that she was coding.  My sister had just talked to her and left to go get some food.  As soon as she left, her heart stopped!  It was like she was waiting to go but couldn't do it with her there.  They worked on her for close to 15 minutes and brought her back.  I flew in to see her.  They had her on life support and we were told that she could have significant brain damage and were basically preparing us that she most likely will not be here much longer.  The doctor said that the next day would determine what would be next for our mom.  They would take out the breathing tube first then go from there to see what she will be able to do on her own.  So the next day comes, I came in in the morning to sit with her in ICU and was greeted with my mom saying hello, dear!  I was so astonished and so dang happy that the doctor was wrong!  So we descended into a roller coaster ride of, she's getting stronger, no actually she's not and in the last couple of weeks she slowly stopped eating.  The last few days of her life she was only drinking water and sips of her gingerale.  During that time I had an experience with her that I keep coming back to and am now wishing I had handled differently.  My mom was having a really bad day and in a lot of discomfort.  The nurses were trying to get her up in to her wheelchair so she could sit up for a bit.  When the nurse spoke to my mom to ask her if she wanted to get up, she held on to her hand and said, "please let me die".  The nurse said to her that it wasn't up to her and apologized to her.  She seemed to accept that answer and went back to sleep.  A few minutes later she woke right up and turned to me and said, "Heather, I want to die, this is such a pain in the ass..."  All i could think to say was, "I know it is such a pain in the ass, mom".  I wonder if I had said something different, like gave her my permission to go, if maybe she would have let go with my sister and I there?  Instead of the way she passed with neither one of us there. She just slipped away by herself.  I feel like she knew we didn't want to let her go and this was her way of leaving without the pull of us wanting her to stay.  I really truly thought that she would pull through.  I mean here she was 90 years old and about 5 ft tall and weighed about 100lbs and she survived a heart attack and severe bruising around her heart from being resuscitated! She died a month to the day she suffered the heart attack.  I often think that she was suppose to pass away the day of her heart attack (she had her heart attack June 4 and died July 4).  She must have heard us that day as my sister and I cried over her in ICU that night...Does anyone believe that?  Even though a person is not conscious that they can still hear things that are said around them?   She was THE  toughest person I knew...I don't know how to be without her and I miss her so much that I feel that I can't breathe...She was our only parent left (my dad died 13 years ago)...

Comment by DeLaine on July 27, 2016 at 1:21pm

I lost my momma May 22 of this year, a few weeks shy of her 38th birthday and a month shy of my 20th birthday, to an accidental overdose.. Losing her has been the most unbearable pain that I have ever experienced in my life and now I have to watch my two year old son, fourteen year old little sister and her husband of eleven years always miss her too.. My mother lost her mother to suicide (overdose) when my mother was roughly my age, so when the autopsy on my own mother came back as "accidental overdose," it really killed me inside. It's only been two months and five days since I lost my mother, but it feels like a life time..

Comment by Martha on July 26, 2016 at 4:38pm

Dear brothers and sisters:

We are united in these circumstances, and understand what each other is going through. It is not always the case out there.

Love everyone of you, and feel what you are going thru as my Mom, best friend went to the Lord in 2012 and the pain remains.

May God give us strength each day at a time.

Comment by Jennifer Metras on July 26, 2016 at 3:28pm

I lost my mom a year ago this past March. She died of Lung Cancer, and only diagnosed 31 days before passing. I knew she was sick, but I don't think it made things any easier. I've been dealing with my feelings on my own, feeling like my brothers much needed my support so I was " the strong one". I've realized over time, that as time passes, maybe I can not cry as long each day when I think about her... But I still cry daily. I question every decision I make, since she lived with me and helped me raise my 4 children until she passed. I didn't know how to live without my Mom until then.

Comment by I Quek on July 18, 2016 at 5:18am

Hello all....

Just wanted to drop a note to say how much help you all have provided me by talking about the loss of our mums. Every note and comment in this forum shows us how much our mums mean to us.

I loss my mother just before Christmas last year and like everybody else, there are some days where the grief and pain are over whelming and I wonder how things could get better. There has not been a day since where I have not thought about mum, and telling her how much I love and miss her.

It is not easy getting on with life and by reading all your stories, it helps me understand that I am not the only one who is hurting out there. But I am pretty sure our mothers would want us to soldier on and make the most of our lives and it is this thought that I hold on to until the day I get to see her again in Heaven.

I will keep you all in my prayers and I know that it will a long road that we are all taking to overcome the loss of our Mums. Thank you everybody.....

Comment by Caroline Guy on July 17, 2016 at 6:33pm

My dearest mother passed away after a short battle with cancer at the age of 68. Everything we were told looked great until her 68th birthday on July 8th 2015. The cancer had spread and after one trial of chemo that was making her even more sick she was sent to palliative care where she passed on September 3rd 2015. There is so much more I could share, but I have to be prepared emotionally to revisit that most horrible and still very surreal experience. What I do find myself doing is trying to live the life my mother could not. Some would say it is positive, but it is also a great source of anxiety for me. I feel the rain more than I ever did before, I take extra deep breathes when there a smells of flowers in the air and then I become overwhelmed with my grief. Mom was always a next year person, only this time next year never came. I find myself trying to connect with what she must have felt when told these were her last days. She was terrified to go to sleep and I basically moved in with her to palliative care so she would never have to be alone. She always held my hand as if it was her anchor to the world. I have a huge hole in my heart. I was even hospitalized for 3 days following her death because my grief was so overwhelming. I am an only child and now my father lives with us because my mom was his primary care taker. I love my parents so much I fear what will happen to me when my father is gone. The rest of my family lives in Australia and the U.K. Thank you for allowing me to share a bit of my story and unburden my broken heart

Comment by Copper "Charlie" on July 15, 2016 at 11:08pm

I'm so sorry your heart is so sad, Jean.  But I completely understand, too.  My grief comes and goes and grieving for my mother was interrupted exactly one month after she died because my husband unexpectedly passed away.  Now I have no one to talk to.  I, too, feel very, very alone. 

Comment by Jean on July 15, 2016 at 10:38pm

Charlie, My mother left me in charge of everything 3 years 3 months and one week ago today. I know exactly what she was dealing with and now I am doing my best to do what I can as best that I can everyday. I am missing her guidance and calmness to get me through the really tough spots and there have been many. More to come. sigh. Feeling sad and so very alone without her everyday. Jean

Comment by Copper "Charlie" on July 15, 2016 at 6:39pm

I just passed one year for my mother's death.  Tomorrow will actually be one year since she was buried.  I've been learning things about my mother since she died.  About things she had to deal with.  Things that she did and never said a word.  I'm actually starting to understand her better...and her pain and why she seemed to lose the will to fight, I think.  It makes me feel a little closer to her.  Has anyone else experienced this?

Comment by Leila on July 12, 2016 at 11:16pm

Thanks for responding, Theresa and Lisa. Most people I mention this to think it's just a coincidence, but it happens all the time and never did before.

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