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Comment by Caroline Guy on August 13, 2016 at 8:35pm

Thank you Heather. I have spoken with counsellors in the past who have also seemed uncomfortable with death. I even had a counsellor tell me that death was a fact of life and if I didn't get over this now I would have trouble with other deaths that may occur throughout my life.
It's not just the loss, it's the process, the shock, the comparison of one day to the next or one month to the next, the this time last year thoughts, conversations, the list could go on.
I pray that you will also find healing and peace during this very difficult time. If it helps at all, the fact that you shared your experience with me gave me a great sense of comfort and connection. Thank you

Comment by Heather on August 13, 2016 at 7:53pm

So sorry for your loss, Caroline:-(... I wish I could say something that would help take away just a bit of that confusion about it all. My mom had surgery to remove a blood clot, then had a heart attack the day after surgery. They were able to resuscitate her. It was such a roller coaster that last month of her life, she fought so hard to get better and then (when we were talking with her doctor about moving her to p.a.t.h. Unit until a bed opens up in a nursing home), we get a call that she had passed away...I often wonder what was the point, all that suffering she endured, so much pain and the indignity of it all, for what? It is such a confusing time...I don't socialize much (I didn't before), I just feel that no one really gets it, and too, I find that most people shy away from the subject of death and are usually uncomfortable...hope that doesn't sound too negative, guess it's just where I'm at right now:-(
I wish you courage and some semblance of peace on the anniversary of your mom's passing. Take care, Caroline

Comment by Caroline Guy on August 13, 2016 at 7:28pm

One year anniversary is just around the corner. September 3. My dreams and nightmares have returned. I function, I work, I socialize, but as soon as I'm alone the mind wanders and the tears fall. I even had some minor cosmetic adjustments so I no longer have to see my mother's face when I look in the mirror. I still struggle with what when wrong and when. The fighting for her life and fighting for a dignified death. I'm so confused

Comment by Theresa on August 13, 2016 at 5:10pm

You too Heather, thank you.

Comment by Heather on August 13, 2016 at 4:22pm

Sending you thoughts of strength as you mark 8 months...take good care of yourself too...touch base, anytime...

Comment by Theresa on August 13, 2016 at 3:47pm

Hi Heather

I agree, if I keep busy with work it distracts me, but the weekends are toughest for me.

We used to go to my moms every Sunday.....

I just can't believe next week will be 8 months, I keep re-living everything in my head.

I keep telling myself it was my moms time to go home.  I just want this year to be over.  Not that next year will be any better, but they say time heals.

Take care :)

Comment by Heather on August 13, 2016 at 11:28am

Hi Theresa, I'm ok...some days are better than others. The bad days seem to be when I am not busy. When I have a plan it distracts me, just like you mentioned In your post...How are you?

Comment by Theresa on August 13, 2016 at 6:27am

Heather

I just wanted to see how you are doing.

Comment by Heather on July 27, 2016 at 9:27pm

Oh my goodness, Theresa I am so sorry to hear about your Mom! Even though both of our Mom's were in their 90's it still does not prepare you. Everyone says, well at least they lived a long life and that their out of their pain and discomfort, it does nothing to ease this ache/longing to have them back:-(... There are all these books out there on losing your last parent and that it is kind of like bring an orphan. I feel that so acutely now... At least when she was here, I could call her when I was having a bad day and she would always make me feel better, she was the safe haven... How do you feel safe again? Your mom sounds like a really vibrant lady. My heart feels for you and your loss of such a beautiful mom. If you ever want to share memories of your mom I would love to hear them! Please take care of yourself...my prayers and hugs for continued courage and strength...

Comment by Theresa on July 27, 2016 at 8:52pm

Heather
Your loss sounds so much like mine and my mom was 92 active drove met friends for dinner or lunch went to church every day started complaining about her stomach on Thursday Friday went to the doctor Saturday she got up called the doctor he told her go to the hospital she said he told her to call the ambulance she did I was on my way to the hospital and I get a phone call this is 15 minutes after I talkedto my mom she must've just arrived at the hospital and the nurse identified herself asked me if I was her daughter and said your mothers in full cardiac arrest do you want us to intubate her and do CPR and I said of course yes by time I got by all the people and was standing at the foot of my mom's bed she looked like a ragdoll my mother passed away very unexpectedly I wasn't there I didn't get to say goodbye nothing this was seven months ago and I miss her so much My father passed away 17 years ago my brother lives five hours away I miss her and I cry every day I try to keep myself busy at work I am truly sorry for your loss I know exactly how you feel

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