I'm having a bad day today but most mornings are awful.  My husband of 55 years has been gone now for 6 months.  In some respects that time has gone by really fast but I remember every detail of that awful time as if I am going through it right now.  And I am very bitter about the circumstances surrounding his death.  He went in the hospital to have a week of Chemo and he never left.  He developed 3 different infections while there and they literally sucked the life right out of him.  He had several health issues and I want to believe that he is in a better place with no more pain.  However, I still want him here every single day.  Yesterday I went to a birthday party for my niece and found it very difficult not putting my husbands name on the card. 

Everything around my house has his fingerprint on it.  I look at something and think....Oh I remember when he did this or that.  Another way that I'm feeling the lose is little things like opening a jar that I can't get, going shopping with me or for me, watching a movie together on TV.  I am so lonely and yet I can't seem to move on.  I would much rather be with him. 

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Comment by Marsha on July 19, 2016 at 10:03am

Morgan, I received your response to my post, I responded, and then promptly lost everything somehow.  I just want to say that I really appreciate the things you have said to me and I see you trying to help others.

I had a similar experience with having my car fixed.  I left there feeling very vulnerable.  There are so many first....had several parties this weekend.  I went to my nieces birthday party and I wanted to sign her card "Aunt Marsha and Uncle Tom".  I pray every morning that he will walk down the hall and say " well Good Morning".

Our journeys are so different and then again so much the same.

I have days when I just don't want to go on.

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