Comment

Comment by Shoresh on June 11, 2016 at 4:04pm

Eva, I am sorry for the loss of your daughter. I agree that it would be easier to have cancer...after 3.5 years I have found I have to pretend...pretend it is better, but it is not. 

I have lost everything after my son, my marriage is crumbling, my husband has withdrew to his own world...my remaining children struggling with the fall out.

I have had  people write me that actually think some kind of "good" is going to come out of this...one of these individuals very kind, but naive, as she has 7 children, all alive...all come to her table, and her life and family intact.

There is no moving on, just pretending...and more pretending....

Comment by Eva Van on June 11, 2016 at 9:47am

It has been 2 years and 2 months since the loss of my daughter...the tears still flow as if it were yesterday...my world shifted entirely...lost my job... My friends...most days my sanity or is that just wishful thinking... I have 3 adult children also grieving...but this year seem to be getting their feet back under them...
I have tried counseling twice since her death...because I know I need help with this struggle...but they have ended in miserable failure... I would only end up leaving the office so raw I would drive to the nearest bar and down as much alcohol in 10 minutes as was necessary to face being alive...I laugh to myself over it because I do not drink otherwise... Not very often people can say therapy and not the grief drove them to drink...
My grief is very negative on those around me...your life view changes and it is hard on them...I often think I would rather have cancer than be stricken with grief...people sympathize , understand cancer...the physical toll, the required medication, the feelings it entails...but grief ?! Every symptom is preventable... Cureable...and they do not hide their frustrations with your inability to cope and everything that bereavement entails...you are now no longer the person they knew and loved so they walk away...step by step...till there are no more invitations... No more visits...no more phone calls... But poems to my daughter at least console me...
...not one more lullaby

Beside a bed upon her knees
She looks for pains reprieve
A picture clutched close to her heart
Tears flowing down her cheeks

Her shoulders wracked with aching sobs
A tremble in her hands
A broken heart inside her beats
Her legs too weak to stand

Inside that bed her child had lain
In peaceful slumbers hold
Had played and laughed and giggled
For stories that she told

Her mind cringes at the silence
...not one more lullaby...
Will fill her beloveds ears again
Not one more kiss goodnight...

Reaching for her babies blanket
Pulling it to her cheek
She rocks her missing child
Lost to an endless sleep

Her eyes are closed in memory
Locking out deaths cold chill
Enveloped in her child's embrace
A place where time stands still...

Eva

Comment by Jesse's Mom on June 6, 2016 at 4:52pm

I found this blog on Grief that I thought may benefit others. 

https://theothersideofcomplicatedgrief.com/2016/02/11/a-grievers-ri...

There is no one path that a griever should walk. There is not even a right path. There is only your path.

As a griever, you are already walking a path that you did not ask to be on. The death of your loved one washed away the life path you were walking with them, and thrust you onto this unwanted and lonely path of grief and loss. A path that initially appears to lead nowhere.

You are left trying to find a passage that will eventually lead you out of the darkness and back to a place where you can begin to repair the pieces of your heart and the fragments of your altered life.

A griever has the right to choose which direction will be the most healing for their heart, even if others around them don’t understand or agree with their choices.

Do not let anyone else block your path with their version of how your grief should look, how your faith in God should look, or how your beliefs should look.

Don’t let anyone stop you from walking your path.

This path is yours to choose, and yours to walk.

I read elsewhere a statement that also struck me:

Question: Does it ever get any easier? Or will it always be this hard?

Answer: The hardness just gets easier to bear. 

In some senses that is true, in some ways, maybe it is just a resignation to what is or one adapts to it out of no other options. Not to say there are not some days where I just mad, mad that this is my life and of course, my son's cruel fate...mad at the universe...it is out of that despair of realizing this is the rest of my life, Part 2...without my beautiful son here, with me, as it should be...not like it is..now...

Comment by Teresa D. on June 6, 2016 at 5:41am

Nope that hole never heals or fills back up.  A part of me went with Michael.  I'm forever changed.  I have to learn to "manage it" because I know it will never heal.

Jeanette, HUGS!!! I know the day the came and the day they left are hard days.  HUGS and more HUGS!

Comment by Jill E on June 4, 2016 at 1:08am

Oh Jeannette I truly understand. I have that same hole in my heart.

Comment by Jeannette Cox on June 4, 2016 at 12:12am

Today my son Christopher would have turned 48. He has been gone for almost 4 months and I still have trouble accepting he's truly gone. I know my life will never be the same.  I look forward to the time when I will see him again.  The hole in my heart will never heal. 

Comment by Jill E on June 3, 2016 at 8:47am

Hugs back Teresa and lots of love.

Comment by Teresa D. on June 3, 2016 at 5:42am

One day I feel like I'm making progress and the next day I'm feel like I'm back to day one.  It's an emotional roller coaster that makes me feel exhausted.

I too miss my Michael so bad my insides hurt.  I just want to call him and tell him everything that has been going on.  I miss our conversations and his silly little giggle.  Most of all I miss hearing "love you mom".  Today will be a challenge but I know I will survive it because I have survived it this long.  HUGS TO ALL!

Comment by Jeannette Cox on June 2, 2016 at 9:17pm

Hello, it's great to know others feel as i do. I've been through a lot in my life but nothing compares to losing someone you love. For me both the deaths of my son and grandson came expectedly and I'm just getting over the shock. My faith is what sustainshe me most, often a minute at a time.  it helps me to pray for others going through a loss even though we'll never meet. Know you will all be in my prayers.

Comment by Connie K on June 2, 2016 at 5:17pm

Dear Sharnice and Jeanette I too am so sad to have to welcome you to this group. My heart goes out to you both. Just lean on us when you feel there is no one who understands or when you feel like you can't make it through another day. We do not have to walk this road alone <3

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