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Traumatic, Sudden Loss

Members: 942
Latest Activity: Oct 5, 2022

Traumatic, Sudden Loss

I have started this group for people who like myself have suddenly, tragically and traumatically lost a loved one.

My mom died 8 weeks ago (August 17, 2009) She had been sick but I did not know the true extent of her illness. Her doctor knew she did not have long and I went to each doctor visit and talked to him at the hospital and he never told me and I do not believe mom knew either. I am not sure.

I found my mom sitting up on her bed and I know I knew she was gone. I still am in deep shock and cry occasionally but only a minute or two. Then I am back to not feeling or feel numb.

Discussion Forum

Loss of boyfriend due to motorcycle 3 Replies

Hello everyone, my name is Brittany. I am new to this and not quiet sure how this works. My therapist pointed me in this direction so i thought i would give it a try. I am 24 years old from…Continue

Started by Brittany. Last reply by Denise D Jan 31, 2021.

New to the Group

Hello All-I am a new widow as my husband passed away April 21, 2018 at the age of 49. He suffered a heart attack and had no previous history of any heart conditions nor does it run in his family.  I…Continue

Started by Danielle Wood Aug 2, 2018.

Struggling 2 Replies

Hi. My name is Cristal. I lost the love of my life on July 2nd. He had leukemia and had no idea. I begged him to see a doctor in the months prior to his death but he would not do it. He also suffered…Continue

Started by Cristal. Last reply by Cristal Aug 1, 2018.

My "Little Brother"

Hi Everyone, My name is Carlyn, and I live in the Ft. Lauderdale area. I joined this site because a very dear friend of mine was killed in a hit-and-run accident in May. My friend Rick, whom I called…Continue

Tags: violent, death, loss, sudden, friend

Started by Carlyn Jorgensen Aug 28, 2017.

Comment Wall

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Comment by dream moon JO B on May 25, 2016 at 3:42pm

so sorry stehanie i am

Comment by Steph on May 25, 2016 at 2:56pm

It's been six months since my boyfriend and I went to bed and I was the only one who woke up in the morning. He was only 30. No idea he was ill at all. The whole morning was a fog, but also crystal clear. I remember the instant I realized he was gone and had been for a few hours. We had plans for a future together. He was my future. I finally had a future that included the idea of a family. It's a slow process to get to some sort of normalcy. The weirdest things are what set me off and catch me off guard. I just keep trying to breath. 

Comment by Tammy black(Zendt) on May 11, 2016 at 11:01am
I'm sorry for all your losses. I lost my 27 year old daughter Amanda. She was shot and killed by her boyfriend along with 2 others in Orlando fl. This August 5 will be 2?years. And I still cannot breath. I think it's getting harder. Any advise????
Comment by Kelly Ryan on May 11, 2016 at 10:54am

It's been over two years and I feel like I should be "over it" even though I know that is completely ridiculous.  My Mother died on 3-3-14 in a auto/pedestrian accident.  She was the pedestrian.  She was in the middle of the road at 5:30am checking on a dog that had been hit.  It was my Brothers dog.  The car didn't see her and slammed into her and she rode 50 feet on the hood of his car until he was able to stop and she fell off.  She was dead on the scene.  I don't believe she suffered.  For weeks I kept replaying the scene over and over and over in my head.  And still to this day there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of her and the events of that day.  The phone call at 9:00am.  Identifying the body.  Planning the service.  All of it.  I dream about her almost every night.  I don't think for me that it is her being gone that is the hardest but rather the events and the trauma that went along with being completely unprepared.  I know other people have lost their loved ones and they move on.  But I feel stuck in my grief.  I feel like the people around me don't really want to hear about it anymore, so I don't talk about it.  I also feel angry because other people have just moved on.  No one sent me a Mothers day "hey I'm thinking about you"  I felt completely alone.  I don't really know what I hope to gain by joining this group except maybe I can help someone by sharing my story. 

Comment by Molly carter on March 29, 2016 at 1:57pm
I lost my boyfriend 6 weeks ago to suicide and I'm lost, he was my rock he was my smile he was my heart n soul. I don't know what to do without him
Comment by Psboston on March 17, 2016 at 12:09am

Hello I am new here... I was told that I needed to seek out others that had a loved one who had been murdered to discuss my emotions and the process.

On January 12, 2016 I was notified by my brother Landlady that there was a smell coming from his apartment and OH BTW he had not paid his rent... which was not like him at all (she said) so I left my work and drove into Los Angeles from Riverside (about an hour drive) went into the apartment with the Landlady, Apartment Manager upon entry I KNEW something was off... lights were on, TV on, 1 flip-flop in the hallway, rotting food on the stove, disheveled spare room, kitchen was jacked up with a white substance on the floor but we didn't see Terry (my brother) I took pictures of his apartment of things that looked odd to me... because I didn't trust the police. I am african-american and I didn't want for something to be planted into his apartment later. 

I left there went and reported him missing to the local police station. I followed up the next day and was told it had been given to Missing Persons. When my daughter called on my behalf to follow-up they told her at they had just received the file and told her the process, something along the lines of they do not 'investigate' adults as they have the right to go missing. It was our responsibility as the family to look for him. My brother was 52 years old I am 47 he was a very private person I was hoping that he had to leave in a rush but wasn't sure. When I spoke to this Detective he said the same and also mentioned that there was no need for Missing Persons to enter the apartment since we had attest that Terry was not in the place. He also created the flyer for me to post around the neighborhood and online. I sat on that for 2 days before calling a friend of mine that is a Sheriff and she then called the Detective I went to speak with him in person (MLK Monday, January 18th) as I thought if he could see me in person and understand that Terry was someone who was loved and cared for not someone to just sit on a desk. He agreed to go out the next day to the apartment January 19th.  After going on the premises and searching the apartment he sent me a email that there was no evidence of foul play or forced entry.

Saturday, January 23rd I head out to his neighborhood to pass out flyers and ask people on the streets if they have seen him. On this same day the Landlady is entering the apartment as well to clean the dirty dishes in his apartment (remember the Detectives have said this isn't a crime scene) anyhoo apprx. one hour later a body is discovered in the apartment it is not released that it is my Brother. It took 3 days for positive ID. Since I was a part of the investigation I wasn't told WHAT happened to him or how he was discovered or method of death. I received this information later when he was released from the Coroner.

I am having a truly difficult time as I am dealing with this daily. He was my BIG BROTHER someone who I love and the Homicide Gang Unit that was put on the case did find the person who they believed killed my brother in fact he has formally charged on March 3rd and the arraignment is next Wednesday a week from today. 

I have questions to anyone that has gone through this before. Please help me

Comment by Ruby on March 8, 2016 at 8:04pm

Hey all, I'm new here . My name is Ruby. I lost my husband of 10 years on February 29 this year. He had a cardiac arrest while driving. It was due to complications from his diabetes and sarcoidosis(for years). It's a miracle that I'm still here. Only sustained some bruises and a terribly broken heart. Throughout our 10 years of marriage. We were never apart for more than 3 hours. I work from home and he was retired(early retirement due to his illness). I depended on him on everything. We were the best of friends. We are alike in so many ways. It was scary. Starting over on my own is terrifying the life off of me. I don't know how and where to start. My job is not going to be enough for me to keep the house. We've racked up quite a few bills. I don't drive. We were both transplant and we don't know a lot of people. I'm so lost and so alone. I've been experiencing panic attack when the sun set. It's when I doubt myself so badly. I don't know what to do. 

Comment by FLORA on February 29, 2016 at 8:41am

It's been two weeks ago today that I found my boyfriend in his bed deceased. I had this awful feeling all day that something was wrong!! I hadn't heard from him all day, and that was unlike him not to call or text me, and when he didn't respond to my calls and text, then I knew something wasn't right!!!! I was in such a panic the whole way there, praying please let him be OK!!! When I walked in and say him, it was the biggest shock of my life!!! my whole would stood still, in that split instance, my whole life changed!!! It's so very hard to go on without him! I have the support of my family and friends, but it still doesn't take away the pain of not having him here with me. We were together everyday, and if we didn't see each other, then we spoke on the phone. They say to think of the good times, the good memories, but yet the good memories is was so sad, because I know I'll never have them again!!!

Comment by Paige on February 26, 2016 at 7:11am

It really is difficult to deal with the last possible memories they had.. It's a very awful feeling. They never did an autopsy so I will never know if he suffered or not. The first responder told us it would have been very quick, but he didn't arrive until 40min or so later by the time they found him (he was ejected much further than the other two and since he was in a rural area two hours north of here, EMS is volunteer based), but I'll never KNOW. My brain just pictures the worst. 

Comment by Michele on February 25, 2016 at 3:20pm

Paige I feel your pain. I will never get the call from my niece out of my head the morning she called me at work to tell me my sister and brother in law died in a fire. March 16 will be one year and it feels like yesterday. I feel as though I live in denial that my sister who was also my best friend will never be here again. We talked daily sometimes several times a day, I had spoke with her around 10 pm that night and the fire happened around midnight. She was begging me and my husband to join them at their cabin. It is so difficult dealing with the emotions of what their last moments on earth were like I still find I am pretty traumatized and have yet to sleep well since all of this. I am so sorry for the loss of your brother I just hope that one day it all becomes a little more bearable.

 

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