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Comment by rhonda jean on May 4, 2016 at 9:31pm

Thank you all so much for responding. It is so nice to hear the ways in which you all are trying to cope in your own ways. I understand how tough it is and I wish you all some solace and peace in knowing how much you were cherished and loved. This is what I hold on to...that my lovely mom loved me and my children fiercely and would want me to enjoy them, no matter how much I and they may be missing her! I plan to visit her mom, my nana, unless she runs off to a casino somewhere lol. She is now 89 and going through her second round chemo in 2 years. An amazing and inspiring lady whom I know my mom would want me to be there for when she cannot do so herself.
My thoughts and prayers will also be with you all on this beautiful yet difficult day!

Comment by Leila on May 4, 2016 at 2:49am

Rhonda,
Last year we buried my mom the day before Mothers Day. We spent Mothers Day driving from Iowa back to South Carolina, me crying all the way. My husband asked me how he could help. I wanted to stop near Gatlinburg to walk by the river. It was out of the way, but we've been going there several times a year since our children
were babies. There is a cabin on a mountain river there where I
always feel I can restore my soul. My husband took me and I let
the sound of the river soothe my grief, even as I wept. He told me he felt it was time to buy our very own cabin. I think he wanted
to give me something positive to focus on. We called a realtor that very day and closed on our cabin in July. I've found getting away to the cabin has helped me in my grieving process. The memories at home (my mom's brain cancer diagnosis and last, horrifying days in a medicated coma in hospice) often overwhelm me.

This year we are spending Mothers Day weekend at our cabin with our grown children and young grandchildren. On Mothers Day we will picnic in the mountains by the river. I will have pictures of my mom on the table. I will take joy in watching my grandchildren enjoying the same place that we have loved for so many years. I will remember my mom and let the sound of the river soothe my soul once again.

Comment by HelenB on May 3, 2016 at 5:06pm

Lisa- my dad has dementia and is completely lost now & my family totally fell apart since my mom's death & the time leading up to it. It's like they all were killed in a car crash. So, my dad's personality has changed & he used to be fun and mellow and he his angry. My siblings stress him out & scare me. So, I won't be having Mother's Day again and I doubt I'll be able to even see my dad on Father's Day or his birthday. I'm so heartbroken.

Comment by Lisa Green on May 3, 2016 at 1:34pm

It occurred to me yesterday that I will never again have the chance to make memories with my Mom. All the memories I have with her is all I am ever going to have. That was a hard reality. My Mom loved me in a way that I can only compare as being as close as the love of God will ever be. She poured out love and tenderness to me and my brothers and sister. My Dad is so completely lost that his grief has made him rude and hateful most of the time. He had a lot of this before Mom passed but now, we just want to be able to call him and get that same kind of acceptance and unending love that Mom gave always and he tries but its just not the same. He would do anything for us kids but he does it complaining and that's hard to handle. We want to help him and just be with him but its hard. I guess I am looking for something that just won't ever be again in my life. Its that complete and utter acceptance from Mom. 

Rhonda; this will be my first Mother's Day without Mom. I will be in church (most likely crying) just like Mom and I always was before on Sunday mornings. Then, I'm going to her house to have a cookout with my dad and brother and sister and plan to plant an azalea bush in her honor. I will also be visiting her grave site at the cemetery and I hope to install the garden bench by her grave that she requested in a letter to me about her wishes if she ever passed. Last weekend, I laid a cement foundation for the bench and the bench itself is laying in my living room floor. I feel like it's one of the last things I can do for her. She wrote that she wanted a bench at her grave site so that her kids could sit and tell her about our lives. So, that's what I am going to do. That evening, I am going out to eat with my husband and his mother though I don't feel much like celebrating. I'm feeling a little guilty already about that and the fact that I am not traveling to my kids's dad's to pick them up as I always do. It's 3 hours away and usually I get them on Friday and take them back on Sunday.  This year I'm just not going to travel on Mother's Day. I'm hoping that my teenage kids understand that. I don't know if they do. 

Comment by jill smith on May 3, 2016 at 11:42am

Hi Rhonda,

Last year was my first Mother's Day without my mom. I planned a few things that day that helped me get through the day. My mom loved lemons and lemon trees. So we planted a lemon tree in her honor. We also cooked one of her favorite meals that she loved to make us growing up. We also got helium balloons and we wrote messages to her. 

This year I plan on doing the same...I think I am going to get an angel for my garden. I have a spot in my yard that has some of her plants. 

It is a hard holiday to endure. I will pray for everyone here. 

Comment by Megan on May 3, 2016 at 10:33am

Mother's Day was a few weeks ago in Ireland. I spent it with my husband's family. It was not great, but the day was never going to be great regardless of what I did. I feel that staying busy was probably better than staying at home and being miserable. Xx

Comment by rhonda jean on May 3, 2016 at 6:56am

I would like to ask you all a question. How will you all spend mothers day? My mom died just prior to mothers day last year and i am fairly sure I was still in shock. This year I am stillactively grieving and I just cannot bear the idea of mothers day without her. We actually used to go out on Monday or Tuesday after mothers day to shopand do stuff...she tended to be with her mom (off gambling usually lol) on the Sunday and i was with my 3 girls. I can honestly say i want to skip it this year but my daughters and husband would be upset and I dont want that. BIG SIGH...what to do?
So I thought I would reach out to you all and see how any of you have coped or planned to on this difficult day.
Thanks in advance to anyone who responds.

Comment by HelenB on May 3, 2016 at 2:33am

Thx nancy, I need a lot more than prayers, but thank you.

Comment by Leila on May 3, 2016 at 12:36am

Hello my friends,
I'm sending prayers for everyone here to find some sort of solace and peace as we face Mothers Day without our sweet moms.
Hugs,
Nancy

Comment by Leila on May 3, 2016 at 12:33am

I'm so sorry, Felicia. I can't even imagine how overwhelming this must be for you. So many losses in such a few short years, and now your poor dog! I lost my mom a year ago, followed directly by some other major life changes. These changes have been so much more difficult for me without my mom at my side. It seems like everything is more bearable when our moms are with us. I will be praying for you to be lifted up and supported by those you love.
Hugs,
Nancy

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