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Lost My Spouse...

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Latest Activity: Oct 5, 2022

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Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 6 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Martha Washburn Sep 22, 2022.

Loss of spouse… 3 Replies

For 40+ years we were together…married 39 years….We were to celebrate our 40th anniversary…Nobody who hasn’t been married, and lost a spouse could possibly understand….even though he was into many…Continue

Started by Susan B. Last reply by Connie Sep 1, 2022.

Today is the anniversary of my wedding day 2 Replies

I got married on May 1, 1992 and lost my husband on June 30, 2017. My wedding day was the happiest day of my life and if I had one wish, it would be to go back and live that day over. It has been…Continue

Started by Carol Klotz. Last reply by Carol Klotz May 3, 2020.

Lost my light in the darkness 2 Replies

I lost my wife on the 25 of March after returning from my Dads funeral. She is everything to me. No matter how bad it got, no matter how much my PTSD drug me down, She has been my light in the…Continue

Started by Shane Hughes. Last reply by Shane Hughes Apr 16, 2020.

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Comment by O.L. Cato on May 2, 2016 at 3:38pm

Titi,

I can't sleep in our bedroom anymore.  I can sit in his chair but not sleep in the bedroom.  To me it's a sacred place and I feel close too him sitting in his chair. I wonder often, did I tell him enough that I love him?  We al need to hear it daily.  He always said it to me, I said it back but how often did I say it first?  There is that part of me that knows he will come home to me.  I couldn't live if I didn't have that little thought rolling around in the back of my  mind.  My daughter got mad at me for taking about him when he was dead for three weeks.  I never knew that I raised an insensitive child.  The only thing that I can hang on to is the thought that my husband would want me to take care of myself.  I was a blessed woman and now I don['t know how to live without him.

Comment by O.L. Cato on May 1, 2016 at 7:30pm

It's  been 18 weeks today.   He was the best thing that  happened in my life. I never told him. I told him that I loved him and I still do, I always will.  He told me he loved me, daily.  There are no words.  I was sitting in his chair a while ago wondering why I have not died too.  People really do die from a broken heart.  Why am I still here?

Comment by bluebird on May 1, 2016 at 11:34am

Comment by Steve Suehiro yesterday:           

Titi, I should also mention that I had to fake being ok for a long period of time before I actually started to really feel like I was ok.  The thing I hated most of all then and now was being treated by others as if I was made of glass and in danger of shattering at all times.  I know folks mean well, but very few can come close to understanding how we feel in the least.

_________________________________________________________

See, it's the opposite for me, in a couple of ways. First, I refuse to act as if I'm ok -- I am not ok, and I never will be ok. People can accept that or ignore me, I don't really care which, but no way will I pretend. Second, while I understand that you hated being treated as though you were fragile, for myself, I hate it when people act as though everything is fine, or like I will "get through this" and "move on".  NO.  For me, NO. I am not ok, I will never be ok, and I refuse to pretend otherwise. I can't stand spending time with people -- I've never really been one for small-talk, but now I just cannot do it. It doesn't matter, all the little "how are you" "fine, how are you" shit, just doesn't matter. I either want to talk about how much I love and miss my husband, and how much I want to die and (if there is an afterlife) be with him, or I don't want to talk at all. No other topic of conversation interests me in the least.

It really is different for each person, as you said.

Comment by rachel_micele on April 30, 2016 at 9:17pm

Susan - If you are religious you may like the griefshare. I tried one but after either the second or third week it got entirely too bible based for me and I couldn't hack that. 

Comment by Francine Goodman on April 30, 2016 at 3:05pm

It has been almost two years since the sudden death of my husband of 39 years. We were together since we were teens. I don't remeber life without him. I do think it is possible to die of a broken heart, and don't understand how I am carrying on. People say time will help, but I am so tired of feeling like this. I am simply existing. If I were to use a beach for comparison, I am grains of sands better, is that living? I don't think so. Just needed to vent.

Fran

Comment by stewart p on April 29, 2016 at 4:17pm

I went for over a year to a breavement/grief group at our local hospital. It met twice a month, sometimes a looooong wait between meetings for me.  It was very similar to a meeting like your describe at a nearby church.  Either one would of been fine, I just started going to the hospital first.  Most if not all are zero cost or a couple of dollars for some materials like a workbook at the group which met at our church.  I dont know how I would of made it through that first year, particularly all the holidays and such without it.  It HELPED a lot, in more ways than I can describe.  I will say sometimes it was more an act of shear will to make myself go, but Im thankful for every time I went.  Check it out 2 or 3 times, whats the worst that can happen?  Whats the best thing that can happen, plenty I can tell you.

Comment by Susan on April 29, 2016 at 11:41am

It's amazing how many people here have lost their spouses...myself included. I don't see how there can be enough people to respond to all these posts about we who have lost someone dear to us. And I believe that's why we post something about our loss...so that we connect with another human being who understands our loss. 

I don't know how to make that connection. I lost my husband on March 8 of this year. I'm handling that fairly well but I still need to heal. I think I need to contact a local church regarding joining their Griefshare program. Did anyone here go through that program before?

Comment by Steve Suehiro on April 29, 2016 at 11:19am

Titi, I should also mention that I had to fake being ok for a long period of time before I actually started to really feel like I was ok.  The thing I hated most of all then and now was being treated by others as if I was made of glass and in danger of shattering at all times.  I know folks mean well, but very few can come close to understanding how we feel in the least.

Comment by Steve Suehiro on April 29, 2016 at 11:17am

Titi, I am so sorry about your loss.  I cannot imagine how you must feel right now. 

As I am sure you are aware, everyone processes their loss in a different fashion so what worked for me may not work for everyone.  In my case, it took a lot of time before I was in a place where I felt like I would be ok.  I also attended grief counseling sessions on a weekly basis and joined several bereavement groups, some of which were more helpful than others.  There were a lot of thoughts I needed to share and discuss and I found that it was easier for me to share these with my counselor and others who also suffered their own losses than with my family and friends.

It is my hope that you find some measure of comfort every day and will soon come to a place where you will remember your loved one with a smile rather than with pain.

Remember:  The only way out is through!

Comment by Robin Quinn on April 28, 2016 at 9:42pm

I wish I knew what labs tests could detect cancer, I've been looking through my husband's medical records and trying to figure out when his cancer would have been detectable.  The clinic kept telling him nothing was wrong but I believe they didn't pay attention to his lab tests.

 

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