jessica wanted to be a soccer coach when she graduated in june 08. on march 21 2008 she was shot with a 12 guage sawed off in the face death was instant they said. since then i have had many onlookers/helpful advice givers...

 

 

theres the old "it's been 2 years you should move on." 

 

or jessica wouldn't want you to grieve like this.

 

as for other kids i have 5 more i do not intend to outlive. 

 

and god has a plan. or god is looking after her now. my solid response to gods looking after someone/anyone is stupid. we must be on our own. or gods a mean kid with a cruel sense of humor.

 

i want everyone who has lost a child to know that we are alone in a crowd, no matter how many friends/family we are surrounded by theres nothing to be done/said to stop the instant crushing feeling we had when we got the call. noone will ever take the pain away it is ours alone. why we were chosen to suffer is well beyond me.

 

 two years later and i'm still unable to move around without seeing something simple and think of her.  if theres an answer as to how to get over this PLEASE someone share it with me. or just to put the steady pain away.

 

more later i have to stop crying so i can write! it is constant!

 

 

 

Views: 75

Replies to This Discussion

Fred, there is No way to get Over it. We have to find a way to get THROUGH it and stay sane. My Jamie went to bed Sept 4th 09 and woke up with Jesus. Sept 5th 09 10;am my world ended. He was my life.He out lived what the Drs said he would do ( die befor he was 15yrs old because he was born with cerabral palsey ) They said he wouldn't graduate school / He not only graduated high school, but went on to 3yrs of Bible College, became an ordained minister, preached 4 different churches, made a tapr ministery ,and touched the lives of everyone he met.He had come down with a bad cold, with bad cough and Dr. gave him cough syrup with codene, and he had a fatel reaction. We had his whole life of ministery planned out. It was so hard for me not to blame God. It took me alot of counseling, journaling,praying, non ending crying, screaming, . My mind will never be right again. My heart will Always ache for him.But until god takes me home, I have to find a way to go on. I have 2 other children( older son and daughter )They have their own lives.Jamie lived with me.He was 38 when he left me. I am grateful that at least he acheived his goal in life,( being ordained ) An I will see him again in heaven.But it doesn't stop the pain now, but helps alittle. Fred , all I can say is fo me prayers helped some. I alsohelp do fundraisers for United Cerabral Palsey ( the group that helped him so much in early part of his life to help him walk and talk.This way I feel I'm still doing good for other children with CP in Jamies name. He was well known for his big smile, so I crocheted bright yellow smiley faces and give one to everyone I meet and tell them it is Jamies smile, and that lightens my heart, and its my way of never letting people forget him. I'll say a special prayer for you Fred and ask God to give you some peace, that I pray for myself and everyone going thro our pain. God Bless You Dee
i can't give you any advice on how to go on. i lost my son just a little over a month ago and sometimes the pain is so intense i don't think i can bear it. i too have other children but they live a long way from me. my faith has been put to the test and i try to pray but sometimes the prayers don't come. i don't know why it is me that has to go through this... i wouldn't wish this on anyone.
i know this probably doesn't help you but i will keep you in my thoughts. know that there are people out here that know exactly the kind of pain you are in.
thank you
Fred, I am so sorry for your loss, and for Jessica's loss-it is a cruel twist when we lose a child. It doesn't matter how many children you have, to lose one changes your life forever. I lost my only child August 23, 2010, that's when his body was found. We don't know how he died, or exactly when, he had been missing for two months before his body was found in the woods. It looked like he just went to sleep. He was 38. I don't think we ever get over a loss like this-we can only get through it and pray to God that he sends us peace. I don't pray for acceptance because I will never accept that my precious baby is gone from me. People who have never experienced this gut wrenching loss will never be able to understand what and how we feel and they need to understand that there is no expiration date on grief.

I have talked to the psychiatrist I work for and he and my Oncologist put me on an antidepressant which has helped my overall mood. I don't know if this is an option for you or not, and I certainly would not tell you this is what you should do. I'm just telling you something that has helped me to at least feel a little better. I still have all my emotions and cry at the drop of a hat-medication hasn't dulled that. I want and need these emotions, it's the only thing that lets me know I am still alive.

Please know that my heart weeps for you and your loss.
Sharon
I doubt I will ever get over this. I will never get over losing Jessica. I don't know how to get over the fact that I will never hear her voice again or see her smile. I feel like her sisters and I have been cheated out of seeing her get married, and having kids. My granddaughter Serenity will never know how amazing she is, Both my daughters are pregnant and they will never meet her. Some days the pain is bearable, but most days the pain is so bad that i can hardly stand it.

RSS

Latest Activity

Speed Weasel posted a blog post

Assumptions

An assumption is an unexamined belief: what is thought to be true without ever really realizing that we think in that way. For better or worse, understanding starts with entertaining the idea that something is true.  Truly profound thoughts generally come to light from the relaxation of these (flawed) assumptions.  This is where I find myself today...Perhaps, one of the more significant drivers to pushing down the loss and grief at the time of the accident, ignoring it and mindlessly walking…See More
Mar 13
Profile IconCari Jo Converse, Jennifer and James D. Thornsberry joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Mar 13
Profile IconMarina Dsouza, Leah, Sandra M Aaron and 5 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Mar 5
esther joined HollowHeart's group
Thumbnail

Sibling Loss

This group is for anyone that has lost a brother or sister. Sibling loss is often minimized and people don't realize how devastating losing a sibling can be. I lost my older sister and my life will never be the same. She was my only sibling, I looked up to her, I went to her for everything. I lost my past, present and future. It is traumatic.See More
Mar 4
Speed Weasel posted a video

Sun Keeps Risin'

Provided to YouTube by The Orchard EnterprisesSun Keeps Risin' · Lissie · Elisabeth Corrin Maurus · Martin CraftMy Wild West℗ 2015 Lionboy RecordsReleased on...
Feb 26
Speed Weasel posted a blog post

Triggers Continue to Surface

Late February is a challenging time of year for me.  Jen’s birthday is the 23rd and serves as an annual reminder of all of the potential that was lost…Her’s (mainly), mine, the world’s honestly.  This year she would be 52…It is increasingly hard to imagine, through all of the iterations possible, what she could have become, what was to be her (significant) impact on the world.That being said, things, emotions, have largely settled down since I committed a potential version of what could have…See More
Feb 15
Michelle joined Gyla Lynn Darden's group
Thumbnail

Loss of a child In memory of my son or daughter

This group focuses on healing ourselves and each other over the death of a child and welcomes a Christian atmosphere to help with the healing process. I welcome all of those grieving.See More
Feb 8
Tammy McLaughlin and Rosie are now friends
Jan 30

© 2024   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service