Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Fran on February 5, 2016 at 9:43am

Michelle, I kind of had the opposite happen. My husband had been admitted to the hospital on a Monday. By Tuesday I had contacted his brothers and sister. Wednesday nite we transferred him to a hospice who informed me that he would last another week or so, inspite of his irregular breathing and occasional absence of breath. I knew the end would be much sooner, yet I took a quick 2 hour break to shower and change AT HOME. I returned to the hospice with his music to play for him...gave him a kiss and said "ok, babe. I'm back. You can go now. Once again, his breathing changed and within an hour he was gone. I made it back in time. If I had believed the staff, I would have missed the transition. He waited for me...and I can just hear him say "I've been waiting on you!" when I get to join him....

It's been 15 months and at times it remains overwhelming. I join you in your sorrow.

Permalink Reply by Melinda Dean on February 11, 2016 at 9:22pm

I lost my husband recently.  I spent 8 days with him in hospice center too.  He was in the hospital in ICU for a month before that.  I stayed with him too.  I left to do run an errand for 30 minutes that needed to be done but I wish I would have waited.  I got back right when he passed away.  He wasn't alone because a hospice worker was with him so I could go do what I needed to go.  That day I lost everything that was important to me.  Now I am trying to go on with life without my husband.  

Permalink Reply by Michelle on February 11, 2016 at 10:14pm

Hi Melinda
First of all I am so sorry for your loss. Your story sounds exactly like mine. I had to learn to accept that my husband did not want me to see him pass. I had left to get dinner and got a call that his breathing had changed. I drove back to the center and just missed him taking his last breathe. I literally collapsed on the floor and started screaming. I had carried a lot of guilt for leaving but now know that that is the way it was meant to be. I too struggle with having to go on without him, on a daily basis. I once wrote in my journal that life goes on but nobody tells you how to do it.
I take it one day at a time. That's the only way I know how and whatever life throws my way, either causes a melt down or I learn how to deal with it. I share your pain and hope you can find your way.

Permalink Reply by Michelle on February 26, 2016 at 10:53am

Today marks 10 months since my husband passed away. I read so many of these posts and find that each and everyone of us are experiencing the same pain and loss of our spouses. I too struggle with people thinking I should be over this by now so i choose who I talk to about my husband. It's a shame to think that we lose friends and possibly family because of our grief. It is still a daily challenge for me to get through each day. I talk to him everyday asking him to guide me and to give me the strength to make the right decisions because sometimes I don't think I do. I hear the word "normal" and wonder when and if I will ever know it again. I know it will be a new normal but I don't like it. I want Mr other normal life back with my husband. Yesterday was my birthday and the first without him. I hate all of these firsts. I have a few more to make it through, his birthday and then the one year anniversary. It still feels so raw and painful and sometime disbelieving that I will never see him again until it is my time when he promised me that he would come and get me. I have to believe that's true because it's all I am waiting for, to be reunited with him. I hate the idea of being alone, but yet I have no desires for a relationship. Thanks for listening and all of your support and posts to know that my feelings are not only mine but all of ours. It helps me to know I am not going crazy.

Permalink Reply by Linda Engberg on February 27, 2016 at 8:04am

Hi Michelle,

You are never alone on this site, It's all I have to keep me from going crazy. Friends and family just don't want to hear it. I don't think I will ever be the same again without my husband. Thank God for all the wonderful people on this site. Love to you all and peace. 

Permalink Reply by Sandrw Mentiply on March 5, 2016 at 7:49pm

I  can understand how you feel. My husband passed away from the same.He wanted to be home it was 3 months and he was gone. I was by his side all the time during this and he keep fighting to stay . They said he just didn't want to leave.When the end was near all the kids were with him and I l told him he could go and be with his family I told my younger son to take his hand and went out of the room and the min I left he was gone.I don't think he wanted me to be in the room when he took his last breath. It has been 15 years now and I still remember that day and miss him. I don't think you ever get over someone who you love.

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