My name is Margie.  I am 35 and I just lost my mom on December 3, 2015, she was 56.  There was no warning, no time to prepare or come to terms with losing her.  I talked to her on Sunday 11/29 and by 12/1 I was on a plane rushing to Florida to be by her bedside in the hospital.  My dad took her in with abdominal pains that were initially thought to be from gallstones but at some time during all the testing her bowel perforated due to 3 large cancerous tumors that no one knew she had and she went into septic shock.  Just typing this, I feel like I am recounting a movie that I saw....it doesn't feel real.  Sometimes I block it out like I didn't experience it but then reality hits me and I feel like I have been punched in the gut and all the wind has been knocked out of me.  My mom was my best friend, the one person that I always knew, no matter what, would have my back.  I know I should feel that way about my husband but even he can't give me what my mom did.  I just feel so lost and alone like I am floating through each day, just existing.  And I am tired of people asking me how I feel, or what they can do for me, or telling me to give it time.  I know they mean well but it just makes me so angry.  I don't know what to do with all these feelings.

Views: 195

Replies to This Discussion

Margie, you are not alone.  I have been going through the same thing.  I lost my mom on October 8.  Iam still feeling empty. It is really hard.  At the beginning I started doing things for my mom.  I printed a lot of pictures from my phone and created an album of her.  I made a movie with all the videos and some pictures.  I have her picture next to my bed and I talk with her every day and every night before going to sleep.  I touch her picture, kiss her picture too.    I understand your feelings very well.  We all do.  Do what your mother wanted you to do, whatever it is.  She is looking at you from Heaven.  Take care of yourself.  

Hi Margie:

Your post really hits home for me.   I lost my mom (named Marge) unexpectedly 4 years ago after she underwent emergency surgery for a bowel bleed-out and suffered a massive stroke 12 hours post op.  Thinking back, your description is very similar--like a slow motion movie with distortions of time and visuals.  All-in-all, a horrific nightmare.  I remember saying to my sister a few hours after Mom passed that I felt as if I'd been sucker punched.  She didn't seem to understand.  I remember floating through the days of planning her funeral which was delayed for 5 weeks because some of the family lives abroad.  What I was grateful for was the support of my dearest friend and distant cousin who had lost both of his parents in the space of 6 weeks.  Another dear friend was a rock as well.  Both were terrific sounding boards--allowing me to say anything, to cry, to cuss, and even to laugh.

I am wondering if you need to talk about and share your feelings and sense of loss.  I had my 2 friends, my younger sister, and my own training as a counselor.   Perhaps, you can contact your minister or the Cancer Society or a social worker attached to a hospital locally for referrals to counseling or a support group.  Part of what was helpful for me was co-authoring my Mom's obituary...and giving part of Mom's eulogy.  

Anger is not an uncommon response to people wanting to "help".  It's just that death and dying is so very much an uncomfortable subject that what some people are actually saying, "What can I do to help you?"  It can be a very loving gesture and one that will help you and them during the time of your loss.  This could mean for you to take them up on an offer to take the kids for an overnight, go out for coffee, prepare a meal to bring over, walk the dog, or pick up groceries, etc. 

Some other suggestions might be to keep a journal about your feelings and writing about your mom.  If your relationship with your dad is good--keep in touch as he is experiencing a great loss as well. 

I can tell you that 4 years later I still very much miss my mom, but most of memories are good ones--not of the hospital experience.   You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.   --Kris

   

Margie, I am so sorry for your loss. There is not anything that we can say to make you feel better. I can only tell you that you are not alone in feeling this way and it is completely normal. I lost my mother in June and both myself and my sister feel the same as you - we lost our best friend, the one person who loved us absolutely unconditionally. My sister and her husband even had an argument regarding this and we tried to explain to him that he couldn't possibly understand until it happened to him. The first few months are like a blur. When something like this happens unexpectedly it can be extremly difficult to come to terms with. Its hard to imagine the rest of life without her. If you need to talk we are here. xx

RSS

Latest Activity

Speed Weasel posted a blog post

Assumptions

An assumption is an unexamined belief: what is thought to be true without ever really realizing that we think in that way. For better or worse, understanding starts with entertaining the idea that something is true.  Truly profound thoughts generally come to light from the relaxation of these (flawed) assumptions.  This is where I find myself today...Perhaps, one of the more significant drivers to pushing down the loss and grief at the time of the accident, ignoring it and mindlessly walking…See More
Mar 13
Profile IconCari Jo Converse, Jennifer and James D. Thornsberry joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Mar 13
Profile IconMarina Dsouza, Leah, Sandra M Aaron and 5 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Mar 5
esther joined HollowHeart's group
Thumbnail

Sibling Loss

This group is for anyone that has lost a brother or sister. Sibling loss is often minimized and people don't realize how devastating losing a sibling can be. I lost my older sister and my life will never be the same. She was my only sibling, I looked up to her, I went to her for everything. I lost my past, present and future. It is traumatic.See More
Mar 4
Speed Weasel posted a video

Sun Keeps Risin'

Provided to YouTube by The Orchard EnterprisesSun Keeps Risin' · Lissie · Elisabeth Corrin Maurus · Martin CraftMy Wild West℗ 2015 Lionboy RecordsReleased on...
Feb 26
Speed Weasel posted a blog post

Triggers Continue to Surface

Late February is a challenging time of year for me.  Jen’s birthday is the 23rd and serves as an annual reminder of all of the potential that was lost…Her’s (mainly), mine, the world’s honestly.  This year she would be 52…It is increasingly hard to imagine, through all of the iterations possible, what she could have become, what was to be her (significant) impact on the world.That being said, things, emotions, have largely settled down since I committed a potential version of what could have…See More
Feb 15
Michelle joined Gyla Lynn Darden's group
Thumbnail

Loss of a child In memory of my son or daughter

This group focuses on healing ourselves and each other over the death of a child and welcomes a Christian atmosphere to help with the healing process. I welcome all of those grieving.See More
Feb 8
Tammy McLaughlin and Rosie are now friends
Jan 30

© 2024   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service