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Comment by Casey on December 17, 2015 at 2:26am

Hugs Valerie cox. I am sure your mother knew you did all you could. I am so sorry.

Comment by Casey on December 17, 2015 at 2:24am

What a nightmare experience it must be. I hate how these pain medication just totally wrecked a person. There are so many questions.

Comment by Casey on December 17, 2015 at 2:22am

What an insensitive thing to say. They have no clue we want to be with mom as much as possible. I was with mom the whole time until the end.

Comment by valerie cox on December 16, 2015 at 6:51pm

Maybe i said it wrong, but my mom got the virus from me, she hadnt been sick at all from the cancer yet, and i just felt she could get rid of the virus if they had not sedated her to that extent, yes her breathing got bad with the virus, and she felt panicked, they were giving her ativan, but then 2 days before they said we are afraid to mention the M word meaning morphine and we said no, but then they said its such a small dose it wont do much, so we did it, like a 8th of a syringe. That evening she was so bad off, i had to call them again, and the came out and the nurse said to the dr on the phone or whoever it was that my mom was having a panick attack, and they gave her a full syringe then they said the next morning when my mom was so out of it she was calling for help trying to get up but couldnt even open her eyes they came again took her to the hospice house,i forgot to mention the she was coming to a little and was awake but confused, when the came to take her they told me they would get her situated on the medicines, and thats what i wanted i didnt want this over dose thing, i trusted them. But she was only there a day and a half and passed. When i first went to the hospice house, they said your mom is here to give you a break? i said are you kidding me NO, they are getting her medicines right, i dont need a break!

Comment by valerie cox on December 16, 2015 at 6:39pm

Thank you Casey. i too have many regrets and what if's. I am so sorry for your loss.

Comment by Casey on December 16, 2015 at 5:44pm

valerie cox: reading your post made me angry.  I can relate , its very frustrating to me that the hospice cant do anything but to give morphine. My mother didnt have the strength to cough up something and during her last day or two, she wasnt able to talk . Patients shouldnt be picking up virus at a hosptial.  Its impossible to know what they are really going through when they cant express themselves, its heartbreaking.  I would be vbery upset if i knew that my motehr could have lived longer and there was something else they could have done. I hope you can find some answer and closure.

 

Megan: I am sorry to hear about your loss. It has almost been 2 years for me , I used to cry everyday. I dont anymore but it doesnt mean i am better, i dont think there is "better", theres too many regrets , too many "what if" and i have a lifetime wondering why my mother was taken from me so soon.

Comment by valerie cox on December 16, 2015 at 10:20am

 Garrett did your sister have her baby yet?

Comment by valerie cox on December 16, 2015 at 10:19am

I am 53, my mom was 71. She told me and hospice that she felt she had atleast 3 yrs she wasnt really even sick yet , breathing wasnt great, but was doing ok when hospice came to sign us up. She told them we didnt really need them yet and she was doing it for support for me. and she was fine til i got a respritory virus, she got it a few days after me, and hospice started to giver he her morhpine just for breathing, and it was making her completely out of it, and she didnt want anymore, and they kept giving it to her, i felt she couldnt cough up what she needed to for the virus, and then they took her to a hospice home, where they witheld water food, just kept her unconcious, til she drowned on her fluids. I didnt realize they werent going to give her fluids until it was to late. She kept wanting to get up but they wouldnt let her just sedated her more. I know she ould have died eventually from the cancer, but i know she didnt want to go yet, but maybe this did save her from months of pain and suffering, but i never understood this was how hospice worked, and i wish i would have just called 911 and had her taken to a hospital. I know i already told you guys that in august we were told of an image of a nodule 1.3 from a ct scan,  and we were never told of it. til a xray was taken in the hospital july when they werent giving her inhaler that she regularly used at home for asthma, i had to insist they give it to her and then the x ray that showed a 4.6 mass to close to her heart to operate and they said the chemo would just make her sick for what time she had left, but they did give her a yr, but as i know hospice overdosed her on morphine.  there has been a ongoing investigation as to why we were not told of the nodule january 4th 2015, at a time and size something could have been done. I will never get over losing my mom, or missing her, and the pain is like a nightmare. I dont understand why we have to suffer the loss of our mothers here on earth. I know we on here no that pain.

Comment by Megan on December 16, 2015 at 8:41am

Margie, I feel the same. It doesn't matter whether I am remembering happy times or thinking of the end, every time I think of her my heart breaks. Xx

Comment by Megan on December 16, 2015 at 4:30am

Garrett and Casey, I can relate. I was 29 when Mom died. I too thought I would would have another 30 years with her. She has been gone 6 months today and I still cannot believe it. I am finding myself feeling guilty that she never got to have grandchildren or see all of her children get married. I feel like she only had half a life and it's not fair.

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