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Comment by Margie S. on December 1, 2015 at 8:02pm

Every day when I finish working and get in the car to go home, the first thing I do is cry.  I cry and cry and ask why my mom is gone. I can't believe it.  She was so adorable.  Singing and dancing for me. Posing for me.  There are so many things that are stuck in my mind, things that I will never forget. She taught me values and principles. She was very proud of me.  I wish I have her with me right now. Mom, I love you so much.

Comment by Jackie D on December 1, 2015 at 4:30pm

Garrett-Your Mom sounds like she was awesome-I would love a closet like that.  My Mom did not have as fancy of a walk in closet, but she did have a ridiculous shoe and purse collection!

Comment by garrett on December 1, 2015 at 3:00pm

Jackie, my Mom had a god daughter named Jackie! She will be giving birth to a daughter of her own any day now.

Some days I make it all the way through with a relative numbness to it all and these past few days I really hadn't let it consume me.

But today I have cried many, many times.

My mothers bedroom and closet are exactly how she left them. My stepfather isnt okay with any changes yet.

Not sure when is the right time to say things cant stay that way to him. It cant be a museum/memorial for ever. My mother was an interior decorator so everything is over the top and unique in their enitre house. She has a walk in closet with 200 pairs of shoes on shelving that she made. Everything is Backlit with LEDs and truly a site to see. She was such a creative genius! Gahh!

Comment by garrett on December 1, 2015 at 2:50pm

Valerie... Oh I know. It's been over 9 weeks for me and I still just want it all to be a nightmare.

Comment by Jackie D on December 1, 2015 at 1:43pm

Valerie, Garrett, and Margie-I'm sorry you're going through this too.  I'm happy to see all the positivity on here.  Like all of you I am hit or miss.  Yesterday was my first day of "real life" since she passed and that was hard, but I made it through.  Today is harder for whatever reason-it is raining out so I can't help but wonder if all this yucky weather is just making me feel even more blah.  I am not looking forward to the holidays but I have managed to put up the decorations for my son so he will have happy memories.

Comment by garrett on December 1, 2015 at 1:31pm

The day my mom passed life hit me like a freight train.

I immediately realized I had been living mylife the wrong way. I always had a poor outlook on life and although right now I am saddened like never before. All of my previous negative thoughts have left me.

I am so blessed to be alive and have the chance to make memories and be the person she wanted me to be.

Thank you Valerie.. I agree with the feeling safe in her world. I NEVER pictured a world without her. Even knowing she was sick I couldn't mentally grasp the idea that she would one day be gone.

Growing up having my grandma and (still have her now) made me foolishly believe my kid(s) would have the same great grandma experience I did. It crushes me to the depths of soul knowing this is not the case.

Comment by valerie cox on December 1, 2015 at 1:26pm

And even though i am doing what she said, i dont care about things right now at all, i just want my mom to come home.

Comment by valerie cox on December 1, 2015 at 1:24pm

You are being very positive Garret, i know your mom is proud of you. I never took the hoildays for granted with my mom the last few yrs, i told her she was my my present, so i would make bows the night before and in the morning before we opened our presents i would tell her again she was my present and put the bow on her, So on her picture i have out i put a bow on it. She was the greatest blessing of my whole life, and she told me that too. She told me if she wasnt here for christmas, to take the money i always gave her to shop with and to buy presents from her for me. I said i would and i am, but it will not be the same at all without her here. She actually left me money to shop from her, for the rest of my christmas's without her. I know what love is because of my mom, for that i am greatful, but the sadness, is more than i can take. Its so painful.

Comment by garrett on December 1, 2015 at 1:20pm

I hope we can all get to a place in our hearts where we are at peace. I can guarantee that none of our mothers would be OK with us being sad around the holidays for the rest of our lives.

We have to do what THEY would want for us.

My mom would want me to be happy and that is something I have struggled with my entire life.

Her passing has made me realize that all of my frustrations, anxiety and depression were for nothing. They got me nowhere. If I knew then what I know now, these last 15 or so years would have been much less stressful...

Comment by garrett on December 1, 2015 at 1:11pm

My mom was HUGE on celebrating holidays and I refuse to let this be a burden I carry with me forever. This Christmas will Definitely be difficult but the day will surely pass.

My mom was very enthusiastic about holidays and I never really got it. She always made us take tons of pictures and went above and beyond making everything look amazing. It didn't matter if it was Halloween or Christmas, thanksgiving or a birthday. She treated every holiday like it was her last and I see now that I always took it for granted.

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