Here is some information to get you started. I found it very interesting and could possibly be helpful. Im going to do mine in California with a Sharman. Im just waiting on him to return from Costa Rico. https://www.aubreymarcus.com/ayahuasca-vs-iboga/
charlotte, thank you so much, your letter made me cry. I do talk to shawn everyday, I go see him everyday to. hes the love of my life always and forever. please believe me I do try so hard not to let him know how much im hurting but I just cant stop crying all the time. I know he knows im in pain , he knows im so alone and have lost my family and friends, he knows I only need him. I wish with all my heart I was with him now. this stupid holiday coming is killing me. I pray dec will go fast get it over with. everyone so happy, with there trees up and lights, oh god I wish I could rip them down. my dr says im very depressed, and suicidle. I just want to be with my son, I can see his face, his tears, my heart just cant do this. I know my baby needs me as much as I need him, I just want to die my only wish, why wont god let me be with my son? why does he not hear me? I want to hold my shawn now. thank you my friends hugs to you all, I to am praying for you all.
Hello Kim. I pray you are feeling a little better. Try very hard not to feed into your sorrow. I truly believe your son as well as mine are able to do some things now that they weren't able to do before. Shawn can see and hear you. Try to be as calm for him as you can. keep thinking of his wonderful smile. How wonderful the color of his eye were. I thing my son has a special glow to his face now because there are no more worries, no stress of any kind. The happiness and contentment that Shawn is experiencing now, has to be so wonderful, something we have no comprehension of. Show your love for him Kim not your anguish. Shawn is still your son, that will never change. You Kim will always be his Mom. No one can take that away from you. Lift you face to the sun and speak to him. Include him in your daily activities.
He hears you. I'm sure he wants to know that you and his Dad are okay.
I will pray for you. Your friend, Charlotte
Hello Sweetheart, thank you so much for your message. Please try to hold on. I know how difficult it is. There is someone in your life that is hurting as well... Your husband. A mans heart can break as well as a woman's. We seem to forget that. Women have a wonderful gift when thing go wrong, we can cry our hearts out freely. Men have always been taught to be strong. if we're honest that is how we also raise our own sons. They have hearts also and if we pay close attention there are tears. You have disregarded his pain. Please walk into your husbands arms Kim. The love he has for you is still there. neither you or he can do anything for your son now because he resides with God. unlike me you have built in support. My husband passed away eight years ago. Your son had two parents. if our sons could see us, your being upset maybe upsetting to him. I thought about that one day when I was crying so uncontrollably. I tried very hard to stop my tears because I didn't want my son upset worrying about me. My closeness with my son Scott meant so much to me, but now I have to find a way to live without him until God calls me home. Try to be stronger for Shawn. When the time is right you will join him with no effort on your part. Your friend Charlotte
Hello Kim. Forgive me for intruding. I truly know how you feel. I have also lost a son, just this past January. It hurts so terribly. I also have thought of not wanting to be here anymore. Autopsy revealed nothing. Toxicology revealed nothing. I have no closure, that hurts most of all. I don't understand any of it. My son, visited me last Christmas. Nineteen days later he was gone. There are no answers. I thought about group therapy, talking to my priest, going to a Dr. But I don't think any of that will help me. I do believe in God, Jesus and the Blessed Mother, they are who I talk to. believe it or not I feel better after talking to them. They are the only ones that can truly help now. I realize what works for one doesn't always work for others but what harm could it do. everyone offers sympathy. God won't give you that but he will help you to carry this burden. I know you love your son. Hold all of your memories of him close to your heart. Talk to him as much as you can, this helps also. Please take care of yourself. I'm sure it would mean a great deal to him to know you're alright. Please stay well. Charlotte
I am so sorry that your family has fallen apart, I whish that you were a part of my family, cause we would help you any way we can. (My sisters would smother you with stories and hugs and kisses) I wish I could tell you a magical way to make your family see what you need, and help them see that you need them to help you grieve.
I still stand by my very short view that maby your husband is the only one you need to grieve with you, the way he stood up to your family makes me believe that he is the strength you need to hold on to with both hands, in a way you are holding part of Shawn, cause half of him came from your husband....(Probly the irritating half) ... But the only one who knows exactly how you feel would be him, he is Shawn father just as much as you are his mother..
Lots of love and hugs and kisses
My you feel the love and concern from all of us... We do understand..... We do care.... And any talking you want to do,,,, HERE is the place......We are here to support each other..... Feel free to tell us anything you want or need to tell us.....
My daughter would have turned 19 this month..t the pain never stops, but trust me there are small moments of cease power with the pain..keep moving along and you will be alright. I talk to my daughter daily , talking helps.. here for you , I know this tough road.
Kim thank you for your note. I can't even imagine losing a child. My grief if unbelievable as yours must be. If it helps tell me about your son. My children are all adults now but we're very close to their father and I try to stay strong at least in front of them but when I'm alone it's unbearable. Your grief must be horrific. Your doing the right thing reaching out. I find it's easier to talk to strangers than people who knew my husband
Hi Kim, I feel so bad reading your blogs. It will be 4 months for me on October 9th and I can only hope that my life doesn't stay in this horrific grief filled existence. Please feel free to reach out and talk to me. Losing your only child is the worst thing on earth - I know; Michael was my only child. Hugs and more hugs to you Kim - Gale
Hi Kim. I have read your story twice.. I lost my husband and the pain is unbearable, how you are coping with the loss of your Son, God only knows.. I am thinking about you xxx
Thank You Kim. I am so sorry about you son. My story is a little different. When my son was murdered he also left my 2 year old grandson without a father. I have been his foster mom for the last 5 months, he is what keeps me going. He was about to be placed back with his mother but thankfully that is on hold pending the investigation.
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Here is some information to get you started. I found it very interesting and could possibly be helpful. Im going to do mine in California with a Sharman. Im just waiting on him to return from Costa Rico. https://www.aubreymarcus.com/ayahuasca-vs-iboga/
charlotte, thank you so much, your letter made me cry. I do talk to shawn everyday, I go see him everyday to. hes the love of my life always and forever. please believe me I do try so hard not to let him know how much im hurting but I just cant stop crying all the time. I know he knows im in pain , he knows im so alone and have lost my family and friends, he knows I only need him. I wish with all my heart I was with him now. this stupid holiday coming is killing me. I pray dec will go fast get it over with. everyone so happy, with there trees up and lights, oh god I wish I could rip them down. my dr says im very depressed, and suicidle. I just want to be with my son, I can see his face, his tears, my heart just cant do this. I know my baby needs me as much as I need him, I just want to die my only wish, why wont god let me be with my son? why does he not hear me? I want to hold my shawn now. thank you my friends hugs to you all, I to am praying for you all.
He hears you. I'm sure he wants to know that you and his Dad are okay.
I will pray for you. Your friend, Charlotte
Amen Kathryn this is whole site is a bad place to be only because we had to loose someone to be here.....
The people who are here though are some of the most generous of souls... Sorry to know why you are here, but glad to know you
God Bless you in your Sorrow
I am so sorry that your family has fallen apart, I whish that you were a part of my family, cause we would help you any way we can. (My sisters would smother you with stories and hugs and kisses) I wish I could tell you a magical way to make your family see what you need, and help them see that you need them to help you grieve.
I still stand by my very short view that maby your husband is the only one you need to grieve with you, the way he stood up to your family makes me believe that he is the strength you need to hold on to with both hands, in a way you are holding part of Shawn, cause half of him came from your husband....(Probly the irritating half) ... But the only one who knows exactly how you feel would be him, he is Shawn father just as much as you are his mother..
Lots of love and hugs and kisses
My you feel the love and concern from all of us... We do understand..... We do care.... And any talking you want to do,,,, HERE is the place......We are here to support each other..... Feel free to tell us anything you want or need to tell us.....
God Bless
I feel like I can empathize with you. The pain does not get better just worse. Sending hugs of comfort from one mother to another. xxxxxxxx
Kim Thinking of you and Shawn today, prayers and hugs for both of you
Hi Kim, I feel so bad reading your blogs. It will be 4 months for me on October 9th and I can only hope that my life doesn't stay in this horrific grief filled existence. Please feel free to reach out and talk to me. Losing your only child is the worst thing on earth - I know; Michael was my only child. Hugs and more hugs to you Kim - Gale
Hi Kim. I have read your story twice.. I lost my husband and the pain is unbearable, how you are coping with the loss of your Son, God only knows.. I am thinking about you xxx
Thank You Kim. I am so sorry about you son. My story is a little different. When my son was murdered he also left my 2 year old grandson without a father. I have been his foster mom for the last 5 months, he is what keeps me going. He was about to be placed back with his mother but thankfully that is on hold pending the investigation.
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