Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Hope Lowe on September 20, 2015 at 9:08pm

Hi James,

My sister passed away a month ago, I miss her terribly.

We lived together and did everything together - I run out of the house crying and looking up at the sky to find her in the middle of every night 3 or 4 times. I understand.

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Permalink Reply by Janette on September 29, 2015 at 6:58pm

Hi James. I understand what you're going through. I lost my husband 5 weeks ago and I feel like there's a huge hole in my heart and in my soul. We were together for 11 years and for the last 3 or 4 years I was his caretaker. My whole world has become him. We had a wonderful relationship full of laughter and love. I think about him all the time and I cry about losing him several times a day. I feel cheated because I wanted more time with him and have regrets of all the things I said or didn't say to him. I hope you have somebody that you can talk to who can help you during this time because it does help. If not we are here for you.

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Permalink Reply by Argy on October 7, 2015 at 9:50am

hi everybody. I lost my husband of 33 years to a highly aggressive metastatic prostate cancer 17 days ago. For 22 months during his illness I was his caretaker and supporter. We fought as hard as we could but we lost the battle. Every day is getting more unbearable since everything in the house reminds me of our life and of him. I sincerely hope that I can find solace in this forum even if it is just by knowing that I am not alone in this. I do hope that the people who have gone through this ordeal before us can tell us that this horrible, unbearable pain and lolniness will ease over time. The memories will become sweet and we shll all meet again. Courage and hope is what we all need

Argyro

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Permalink Reply by Sara Schwartztrauber on November 19, 2015 at 1:34pm

Argy

I am so sorry that you have joined this club that no one wants to be a member of. I lost my husband of 38 years on April 1, 2015 to cancer. I still miss him so much that it is hard to breathe. I was his caretaker for the 13 months that he fought with everything he had. He lost 126 lbs. The cancer took so much of who he was. I just don't know who I am without him.

If you need to talk or just to vent, I am a good listener. I know what it feels like to just NEED to talk about them, and the day they left, but no one else wants to hear it again.

Take care of you

Sara

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Permalink Reply by Argy on November 24, 2015 at 7:27am

thank you Sara. I am so sorry for your loss too. I do not know why I didn't respond earlier. I guess I was too heartbroken and confused in those first days. So much despare and crying and loneliness still. But it is so good to know that people care while you cry alone and so desperately missing your loved ones and your old life and what life your used to be. At least our husbands will not suffer any more although we still do. I hope that the pain will go away eventually and only good memories will stay with us. God bless you.

Argy

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Permalink Reply by Sara Schwartztrauber on November 19, 2015 at 1:30pm

Hi James

I know your post has been up awhile. I thought I would comment if you are checking in. I promise, I DO understand. I lost my husband of 38 years on April 1, 2015, and I miss him so much that it's hard to breathe. We not only lived together, we worked together, so we were together the better part of everyday, and I don't know who I am without him.

We have been together since I was 19 years old. That is a long time to love someone. The holidays are going to be horrible, but I have to get through them for our family.

If you need to vent, I am a good listener. I know that sometimes you just NEED to talk about them, and losing them, and by now, most people don't want to hear it anymore.

Take care of you

Sara

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Permalink Reply by HollowHeart on November 19, 2015 at 2:41pm

James,  I don't know if you have come back here or not, but I promise you I understand also. I understand missing someone so much you don't know what you will do with yourself. It's often those in our lives that we need the most that do not understand, and it's sad we find such solace with strangers but I guess that is just how it is. Just know that there are people out there that do understand, even if they are strangers. We do.

Hope Lowe, I also lost my sister. She lived right across the hall from me so it was like we were living together. She was my sole supporter, my best friend, my only real social life, we did EVERYTHING together and I miss her like crazy. I can't even explain how much I miss her, just her presence, just her companionship. I feel so empty and alone and lonely and lost. I just think 'why?! why her of all people in my life?!!" I'm heartbroken.

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Permalink Reply by Hope Lowe on November 21, 2015 at 11:36pm

Dear HollowHeart,

My sister was my companion, daughter, and confidant all rolled into one. I was debating whether I should reply your post or not as I had no comfort words to offer you; however my grief counselor advised my to reply - it could be a support in a way that you are not alone in this painful journey. Three months after my sister's passing, I am still profoundly sad and the immense yearning for my sister is crippling and harrowing. I have a lot of support and a 24 hour on-call neuropsychologist, I am still drown in sorrow.

I burst out crying hysterically everyday and am completely lost. I can't go on but I have to go on. I hope my negativity is not going to push you further in a pit of depression, I share my experience so that you know your sense of lost is normal as your feelings are still very raw.

Ingore insensitive remarks, each person responds to grief differently and be easy on yourself. When my crying gets out of control, I go out of the house to walk and it does calm me down a bit. If that is option in where you live, you can give it a try.

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Permalink Reply by HollowHeart on November 23, 2015 at 2:24pm

Hope Lowe, thank you very much for replying. I'm glad you did as it's hard to find someone who feels this same grief for a sibling as I do. I feel just as you do! Sunday I had fits of crying all day, I just could not stop it. I was sad all day. The yearning is blinding. I just wanted to make her be in her apartment, I just wanted her to be there so badly. Every time I go into my door I look at her door and wish she was in there. I think of how so many times I"ve gone in there to hang out and chat and the loss of never doing that again, never seeing her again is beyond any pain I thought I could ever go through.

I think it's worse because every little things reminds me of her. We loved the show Supernatural. I looked at 4 episodes yesterday and there were a lot jokes on the show only I know she would get the same way I did and I didn't have her to share it with. That is such a loss to me, those in jokes that only we cared about. I miss her sending me movie trailers and silly texts. My life will never be the same. I hate it. Thanks again for replying. I appreciate it.

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Permalink Reply by Hilary Christene on November 24, 2015 at 6:14pm

I was fan of Supernatural, too.

I was planning to get D hooked on it this year. He was enjoying the genre but that particular show is I think the best of them.

I actually know that I will never watch it again. Or any of our shows. I can't even turn the TV on. I really do feel as if I have died, and my body is living on against my will. It is so painful all the time; every breath is pain, except sometimes I go numb. Then when the numbness suddenly stops, I'm crying for missing him and just wanting his physical presence and his kind voice.

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Permalink Reply by HollowHeart on November 25, 2015 at 12:12pm

Hilary, we loved The Leftovers and Going On on HBO and American Horror Story. American Horror story is good this season and I have just about stopped watching. I just can't enjoy it. I still watch Supernatural, but The Leftovers, AHS--those shows I barely both with anymore and my mood right now is I don't care if I never see them again. It's to painful to know she is not here to enjoy and enjoy them with me.

She also loved The Knick and I forgot all about it. The new season started the weekend she passed. I hate it. I hate she is not here to enjoy her shows and I know she'd be catching up during her holiday break. This makes me so depressed.

TV is my only real distraction now because when I wasn't watching TV I was over there talking to her, so without that it's like I have nothing to do and now I really have nothing to do but think of my loss. I love TV but I never watched it non-nonstop like I do now, I would usually have binge watches where I'd catch up and that was fun for me. it's just a mess now. Part of the fun of watching was watching it someone else who equally loved it too and talking about it and laughing and discussing the show. Just lonely now.

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Permalink Reply by James on November 23, 2015 at 4:39pm

Thanks to everyone it hurt very bad just when i think I am gaining steam so one would ask me about her and I fall apart she was everything 

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