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Comment by jill smith on September 5, 2015 at 9:50am

If you want to block a certain person (I have gotten over 100 spam messages today) all you need to do is login, hit their name to look at their profile and on the left there is a button to block messages from that person. It works well!

Comment by charity wolf on September 4, 2015 at 6:19pm

Hi Jill:)

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I see a lot of my process in yours. I am so sorry for your loss Jill:( I totally understand needing to talk about your grief. I am in the same place. We need to share and feel heard,loved and held. I have had that but not enough it feels. My whole life has changed now that my beautiful Mama flew away. I am trying to walk this crazy new path, a trail of tears. I have been looking for an in person grief group too.

 May you find the love you seek. May we all...hug

 

Comment by jill smith on September 4, 2015 at 1:25pm

Charity,

I very much relate to you. I had all kinds of friend surprises when my mom passed. People I thought would be there were not, I have a couple friends who have been there, but even then I do not feel I can call them every time I am sad. Her year anniversary of passing is in October and I feel even more alone. Most of my friends have not had a parent pass so it makes them uncomfortable to talk about it. A lot of people are afraid to bring up my mom because I might start to cry and then they feel bad for upsetting me. Really though, that is what I need, is to talk about it. It seems I do not really talk about my mom with my friends too much anymore even though I am still grieving.

I try to remember too that when my mom was sick (she fought breast cancer for 11 years) I had a hard time when people I knew lost a parent. No really close friends lost a parent, but close enough. I could not deal with it and I was not the friend I would be today. I did not know how to give support and it scared me to death because my mom was fighting for her life and it was too close to home when their parent died. There are 3 friends I have actually apologized too for not being there more since my mom passed, as now I have walked in their shoes.

All of this has made me adjust my expectations of friends, but it still hurts and you still want that connection and support.

So right now I am looking for an in person grief group. I was in a grief group when she first passed, I am looking for another to join now as I feel I need it. I do enjoy the online support but I think I would benefit from being with a group of people who I can talk about my mom with, who understand exactly how I feel and can talk about it. I think this will help me a lot. They even have groups for adult children who have lost their parent/s specifically.

Hugs

Comment by charity wolf on September 4, 2015 at 10:59am

Good Morning all:)

 I am feeling pretty raw and alone. I lost friends when my Mama died. I truly learned how people deal with death and grief. I tend to be a very independent lone wolf anyways but loosing my Mama has made me so vunerable, needing support. My Mama was my constant companion:( can anyone relate?  thank you...

Comment by Angela smith on September 3, 2015 at 10:52pm

Hello  Megan,

    Thank  you  for  sharing  what  helps  you  with grief  ridden  days  and nights .  I a  sorry  Megan for  your  loss. This  is  indeed  the most  difficult  pain to deal  with  for me .  I know  your pain  and yearning  for your  loved one .  I break  into crying  jags anytime .  I  remember  my mom's  last  phone  conversation  to me before  she ended up  at the hospital  and then never leaving there  again .  Breaks my heart .  Yes, walking  sounds great. I  love  to walk . I  continually  get a deep  pang of grief around 6 pm and later  into the  night. I don't  care  about  much  right now as I  am mourning .  Hugs  to you  Megan  

Comment by Megan on September 3, 2015 at 5:24am

Thank you for sharing Angela and Nancy. I have found the past few nights to be especially difficult, I cannot sleep or stop crying.

Right after Mom died I threw myself into exercising and mindfulness, I gave up caffeine. As the months have gone on I have slowly stopped and I can really notice the difference. I am so thankful for this group. You all help me to remember that I am not alone and keep me on track in terms of self care. 

Angela, walking helped me tremendously in the weeks after my mom died. Whenever I had time I would walk until I was tired and then turn around and walk back. In the evenings I was so tired I would fall right to sleep.

I am so sorry that we all have to deal with this. xx

Comment by Angela smith on September 1, 2015 at 11:56pm

Nancy  thank you  so much  for sharing  what  you  do to help  you  with the  despair  and  grief  at night when  all is quiet except  the memories  of losing  mom. You  are right  that it  does hit worse  at night. I  will  try the warm milk before  bed and perhaps  do some crafting  if I   can't go back  to sleep .  

 Today ,  I   believe  I  received  a sign from mom and I  have  experienced  some  peace even  a few  smiles  talking  to mom silently in my mind. Every  day  is a challenge  coping with  losing  mom. Today ,  was barely  bareable. Hugs  to you .  I know  you  and  I  share similar  experiences  with our moms suffering. May God  watch over you  and  all of whom lost  his or her beloved  mother.

Comment by Leila on September 1, 2015 at 11:04pm

Angela,

I'm so sorry you're having trouble sleeping. I have been suffering from insomnia since losing my mother in April. Sometimes I'm awake until 4 or 5am, often ending up in the recliner so I don't disturb my husband. I put the Disney Channel on TV. Sometimes I craft. I usually read a book or grab my Ipad and check my email, etc... Sometimes I make lists of things I need to do, because I need to get back on track with organization. I talk to my mom. I look at photos of my mom. I always end up crying off and on. I usually end up napping off and on for short periods. Nights are just hard to deal with. I am NOT looking forward to the shorter days of fall and winter.

Are you able to sleep during the day? I find I can get in a few hours of straight sleep in the morning after the sun has started to come up. I think a big part of my insomnia is that I am the loneliest at night, when the world is dark and quiet, and there is nothing to distract me from my sadness and thoughts of my mother's suffering.

The nurse in me would tell you to go off caffiene other than 6-12 oz of coffee or tea in the morning (decaf coffee or herbal teas can be taken the rest of the day). Get in a brisk walk or run each morning. Learn meditation techniques and practice each day. Avoid too many liquids after dinner (but get plenty of water during the day). Establish a bedtime routine and stick to it faithfully, as this will subconsciously prepare your body for sleep. Melatonin is a natural supplement that can safely help you to sleep better. Believe it or not, even the old standby of a little warm milk can help. None of this has worked for me, but there it is...

I know there is nothing in my words to help with your insomnia. Sometimes it is just comforting to know you are not alone.

Sending hugs to you from across the miles.

Nancy

Comment by Angela smith on August 30, 2015 at 1:48am

Thank you  Charity .  Can't  sleep  overcome  with  grief .  I  needed some time  alone hoping to reflect  and unwind  instead finding  myself  overcome  with grief  and insomnia .  If anyone  can suggest some ways that  helped  them with the long sleepless nights from grief  I would  much  appreciate  it . 

Comment by charity wolf on August 29, 2015 at 10:57am

Thank you Nancy;) your words lifted me up. hugs to you Angela...gentle as she goes...

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