I can only speak for me but Yep I sure do feel that way more than I'd ever want to. drugs are not the answer for this kind of pain. I yell and scream and cry when no one else is around and that to me is better than stuffing the pain with drugs. We have to remember that because this horrible tradgic thing has happened to us I believe that I will have to deal with it for the rest of my life and the idea of being on drugs forever isnt a good thing. I use different coping skills I have learned over the years such as music soft sounds, good movies, incense, diversion, distraction, Yelling and screaming and crying by myself etc. Sometimes one or the other will work and sometimes I have to use them all and sometimes nothing works at all except time. Somedays you move 2 steps forward and somedays you fall 2 steps back. I try to cherish the good days so when the rough ones hit I have atleast one or two things that I can remember to remind me that the bad days wont last forever. It seems if I dont let the anger and frustration and sadness out I get phiscally sick. The worst for me is others judging calling me crazy and putting me down. I think what we all want is plain old understanding. But I guess if you haven't been through this you wouldn't have a clue. Im sure we would all like to be clueless about this stuff. Befor I lst my children I was so innocent and naieve about taking one step at a time, one day at a time but now i'm getting really good at it because I really dont have many options so I have to do the best I can. My mom lost my sister 54 years ago and she stills to this day has times when she gets angry and sad. So I guess it never really goes away you just learn how to deal. I dont know if this helps but it's all I know. You can write to me anytime. If anything I can listen.

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Anne I have alot of those times too. Jamie has been gone a yr, and 2wks and it still feels like yesterday at times, and at other times it still doesn't even seem real.He was my life.He was born with cerabral palsey, but with Gods help and me pushing him all the time to do the best he could he gained his goal in life to become an ordained minister and preach a few churches and made a tape ministery.I was SO proud of him, and still am. One thing that helps me now some is I can listen to him on tapes preaching, I can see him on DVDs preaching.I know it's nothing like having him here, but for alittle while for me ,He is here. But then when the tape is thro, reality hits and I cry and scream more. What helps me alittle now is I am trying to help UCP ( United Cerable Palsey ) and try and give bk to these people who helped him so much in his early yrs of his growing up.Trying to help other kids like him.. We are having a Walk-A-Thon this wk and they are going to do something for him in his memory.Then I plan to do more fund raisers for them in his name this yr.That way I feel Is my way of honoring him.I also plan to write a book on his life about all the roadblocks he went over in his life. This will be my way of not letting anyone ever forget him, and his Big Loving Heart. I hope this will give other parents ways that they can help ease some their pain, cause I know we Never get OVER IT. God Bless all of You Dee

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