Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
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Denise, so sorry for your loss. I lost my son in February. I think the same thing everyday... how can I go on without him. Will I ever be happy again? If we could only go back to happier times....
Vasanthi.... I do believe that your son heard you and sent you that flower. How beautiful the painting of the hibiscus is beautiful!
Sharon
Troys mom
So wonderful to hear from you Vasanthi. Beautiful picture and beautiful heart as always....
Vasanthi
That was so beautiful, thank you.
Your words and your painting.
Very warm................
With all my love to all here
I feel for all of us here .Jane P,Denise it takes a lot of time to accept these awful 'facts'. I come here and read and don't know what can be said to make it 'better apart from the fact that with time the shock wears off and one is left to face a new reality. My son was 27 when he passed and come September on the 28th would have been 31. I cannot imagine the pain being less or more at any age of the children but for the moms and dads who lost them too early on I feel it must be the most godawful shock and unbearable pain. The only thing i can think of is that we come alone and go alone and in between have been blessed to know something about the most unconditional love that can exist between human beings. the relationship of parent and child lends itself easily to that type of love because just seeing them flourish and laugh brings so much of joy to the heart. sure there are trying times and sure we are not perfect by any stretch of imagination but so what , we loved with all our heart. Think that every soul has its own trajectory and while it seems so awful we can think that the lovely person we loved after all has their own destiny which and as we did when they were 'alive' so we shall when they are not , just continue loving and sending all the love to nurture and aid them be they wherever they be.
There are many days I keep busy and go out for weekends pursuing the study of 'vedanta' or any interest I have. The days when the feelings of loss and despair overtake me i am very scared because it casts such a pall of gloom that i know that I get critical and faultfinding of everything and try to control. Almost every afternoon I have feelings of deep anxiety and palpitations and almost anything can trigger it. What a lousy fallout of the 'death'. I don't know if I will get better ever and I don't know if more and more negativeness will spring up all my life and if I will be fighting imagined demons all my life. all i know is that this is not me, this is not how my son would have wanted me either but like Dolly says its quite a helpless feeling. Yesterday as usual I went to the prayer room where I keep a nice smiling pic of my son. I felt how nonsensical that I am sitting and looking at a bloody pic, its so stupid and bad that this can happen. Then I said " sweetiepie if u r with me, someone will give me a flower today", and later forgot all about it. In the evening when my husband came home, I was up in the shower and came down and the first thing I see is a small full bloom red hibiscus kept in a small container with water. So I asked my husband where did this come from as sometimes if he goes out and sees some flower he gets it for me but today I knew that he didn't have any outside errands.
He said isn't it unusual , it fell off the hibiscus plant and that plant always has big flowers but this one was small and v cute. he said " it presented itself to me' as it was on the steps and he got it in for me. Normally I take some flowers from the plants before my morning prayer time or quiet time so I was not expecting him to get any in the evening. i remembered what I had 'talked' to my son about 'if u r with me someone will give me a flower' :) .... it helps to know we are heard isn't it ? So just love and continue sending all your love to our little sweetiepies :)... had painted a hibiscus a while ago ... will put it up now
After 2 years, 9 months
I am numb.
I feel nothing, what I do, I do like a robot.
The pain never stops, it is deep, it is cruel.
I retreat to aloneness as much as possible.
I miss her every second of every day.
Everything reminds me of Danielle.
She was my best friend.
She understood me, and I understood her.
We never left each other's side for the last seven years of her life.
There is no future left, just old age.
I am miserable.............
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