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Comment by Bela on August 6, 2015 at 4:54pm

Kim I do so feel like that too. I hope that your journey brings you some hope in time. All I know is I need to honour my grief. Some days are totally unbearable, one does not know how one makes it to the end of the day. Such deep sorrow leaving   ones heart   butchered the day my mother drew her last breath. My best friend, the love of life, my heart, my dearest Mother. I miss you ever so. Loads of love, I'll never be the same, I am strong for you like you want  me to be and you will always be with me. xx

Comment by Leila on July 27, 2015 at 11:34pm

Thank you so much for your kind words, Charity and Megan! I feel like this is the only place I can openly discuss my grief for my mom. I appreciate your support more than words can express. I also extend my love and prayers to both of you as we walk this sad path together.
Megan, I hope you had a peaceful remembrance of your mom's birthday. I have not crossed that milestone yet, and can only imagine the emotions and pain of that first birthday without our dear moms. I don't think family birthdays and holidays will ever be as filled with joy as they once were.
My faith has been shaken since my mom passed. I keep praying and trying to reconcile those negative thoughts and insecurities. It has troubled me greatly because it is a time when my faith should be the strongest. Something happened this morning, more of a feeling really, of a strengthening of my faith. I prayed and cried for a while. I hope I'm moving in the right direction.
Sending hugs to both of you across the miles!
Nancy

Comment by charity wolf on July 27, 2015 at 11:35am

Oh Megan, Happy Birthday to your Mom...What you are planning today sounds so beautiful. I am sorry that people are being so unsupportive:( you deserve to feel tenderness around your grief. I spend a lot of time alone because I want to heal and honor every bit of my pain. I have lost friends through this journey. I have gained self respect and an open heart...sending you love and support...

Comment by Megan on July 27, 2015 at 3:42am

Sending love to you both, charity wolf and Nancy. It really is so much more difficult when people don't understand. Yesterday one of my good friends made a comment that the "hard grieving" should be over, that I should be past the shock. She only died a little over a month ago, I don't know how people can expect you to get over it so quickly. Thank god for husbands who understand. I have noticed that when people want to talk about it, they want to discuss how I have moved on or that it is easier now. In fairness I think they are doing it to console themselves, to let them believe it won't be as horrible as they imagine when it happens to them. Doesn't make it any easier on me though.

Today would have been my Mom's 61 Birthday. I have just woken up and I can't stop crying. We are going to light floating lanterns with messages for her, watch old videos, and eat cake. I know that we can't have a memorial service everyday, but I am going to celebrate my Mom every chance I get. I just miss her so much. Hugs to you both. Xxxx

Comment by charity wolf on July 25, 2015 at 10:04am

sending you love, Nancy...I hear you and indentify with what you are going through. My Mama suffered too and everyday I remember her pain. I have faith that with healing, the hard traumatic memories will go away and be replaced by joyful ones. We just have to ride this painful grief wave...I can tell that you were a light in your Mom's darkness, what a gift. Crying with you....big hug

Comment by Leila on July 24, 2015 at 4:53pm

It's been 3 months since my sweet mom passed away. I feel like I miss her more with each passing day. Even when I'm out with friends, laughing and smiling, underneath I am thinking of my mom and my heart is aching. I keep thinking of her last couple of months, how frightened she was and how she suffered, how I couldn't save her. I cry so many tears it is a miracle I have any left to cry. I wish I could talk about her with people, but it makes others uncomfortable. I would hold a memorial service for my mom every single day for the rest of my life if I could.

Comment by Megan on July 22, 2015 at 10:37am

You're right, fashionlover. I can't stop thinking about it.

Donald Maddrey, It is one of the most difficult things you will ever do, but my advice to you is to spend as much time with her as you can. Even if you are doing nothing more than sitting beside her it will mean so much to her and if you don't you will regret it when she is gone. Do whatever you can to ease her pain. At the end I wasn't able to fully ease my Mother's physical discomfort, but I tried my best to ease her emotional distress. Hug her, kiss her, tell her you love her, and how grateful you are for all that she has done. I would give anything to put my arms around my mom just once more. I am sorry that you have to go through this. I think the anticipatory grief makes it all the worse. xx

Comment by fashionlover on July 15, 2015 at 10:36am

So sorry to hear about your mom. The hardest part is enduring watching them suffer. Those memories haunt me.

Comment by Donald Maddrey on July 14, 2015 at 11:37pm

My mom is dying. she has leukemia with about 12 months to live. I'm spending as much time as possible with her but its hard seeing someone die that you love so much.

Comment by Megan on July 10, 2015 at 9:13am

Jayne, I think you are right - we will never fully move on from this. I have found that the only people who truly understand the pain of losing your mother are those who already have. Before I lost my mother I had friends who had lost parents and I was truly sorry for their loss, but I know now that I never understood the depth of their pain and despair. Keeping busy distracts some, but the pain is ever present. We need to grieve in our own time and not to the timetable of others. Xx

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