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Comment by Jesse's Mom on July 1, 2015 at 1:35pm

Thanks for the encouragement Dolly. Hugs.

Comment by Jesse's Mom on July 1, 2015 at 1:29pm

Trying to find a healthy functional church is at times challenging...my daughter finally found a Methodist church that has been very healing...the man who is the minister there is sort of like a "Mr. Rogers" (the childhood series) type. Very gentle. However the church I went to has struggled alot throughout the years with relationship issues.

...For me, I just can't handle any more than what I have...so I am not actively seeking relationships in my physical location. I am already so exhausted that I need nothing more on my plate. I have also been on these forums long enough to know that grief can physically take a person out. One mom who had a horrible court ordeal is almost or pretty much disabled from the physical complications triggered by her tragedy. Some seem to be able to find a balance better than others, I am not sure why. I think if one already had their cup full from other tragedy, or are in poor health, isolated and/or older, these factors can play into how much one can deal with the loss. Sometimes, though, grief for the loss of a child does just break a person. These have been some of my observations. So I am staying away from people who can not be gentle in their nature as there is no more resource left within myself...what I had for a faith, well that needs an overhaul.

Comment by Dolly on July 1, 2015 at 12:05pm

as if it isn't horrible enough to have had this happen to our loved ones... on top of it we have to be beaten up by people who should be kind to us or at least keep their distance if they can't have compassion... some HELP would be nice too... I think whatever you do LAURIE and AMMY that helps you feel like in some way you are doing for your loved ones what they can no longer do for themselves is the right thing to do... I hope you will find peace through success in your efforts... I am still fighting guilt feelings and being kicked out of the church didn't help... not ONE person from the church has asked why I left... at least not to me.. I can't make comments on the site anymore so there may be some who wonder, but aside from the one woman who did thank me for standing against the grief=self pity wording nobody has tried to find me to ask why I left... and she has stopped emailing me too.. so I've just been written off and forgotten just because I dared to disagree with the founder on that point.. I know I'm better off out of there but sometimes I feel like I can't make a right decision any more.. I thought that was going to be a GOOD place to go and share and have fellowship... but I was WRONG AGAIN...

Comment by Jesse's Mom on July 1, 2015 at 7:24am

Ammy, thanks for the note back and the encouragement to continue on...the online communities have been my only source of encouragement for the pursuit of Justice besides my immediate family...

What should have been recognized as an act of honor has been dishonored by my so-called "friends"...

....to find out the events that actually occurred that day and run the distance and make sure the people that are responsible are actually held responsible...that is what is honorable. I often compare this situation to what I know to be true in military missions...what happens in those endeavors... they are evaluated and the events are recorded, those who were heroes and villians are identified, and punishment/rewards assigned. To me, that has been my course of action throughout this...

...you are right in that we find out what is best for us. Having a bunch of disfunctional/unhealthy people in my life, critiquing our efforts to find justice for my son (this being our worst most vulnerable life moment)  to others in the background is definitely something that needs to end.

Comment by Ammy on June 30, 2015 at 12:45pm

Laurie, I think many of us have had people walk away from us.  I've had several.  It hurts, but after awhile I believe that it's best for us anyway.
Don't ever stop fighting for your son.  I (we) had to do the same with our Coroner.  Just kept calling and making appointments to see him until he finally understood what we were talking about.  He then got the DA to reopen, but unfortunately because they didn't investigate at the time there isn't much they can do unless someone starts talking.  If there is any question about what happened be persistent.  It seems to work and I never would have thought of questioning anyone in authority if I wasn't such a big watcher of true crime stories and saw that persistence can work.  I wish you the best with your efforts for justice.

We are here to support you.  Blessings to all.

Comment by Lynn Williams on June 29, 2015 at 9:20pm

Thank you all for being here. Your support means everything. We are all in this together. Sending peace and love.

Comment by Jesse's Mom on June 29, 2015 at 8:05pm

I totally agree Ammy. I feel and know that I have been placed in a camp that is totally away from the other people without child loss...

Some may do better than others, however, I always knew if I lost another child, it would be like this...I have PTSD and other severe anxiety issues, I cannot cope with being in large crowds...one of my best friends told me to go my own way basically, and another I recently found out was criticizing my efforts for Justice for my son...in public...at my church...

It is a lonely road for sure...

....one thing I can say about internet conversation, sometimes tone and meaning don't always come acrossl...(I had worked on the Web in a Corporate Communications setting so was always working on how to craft my message)...

....To me, most of the people on these forums are just setting forth their innermost feelings as there is no where else to turn for many...people have walked away, gone on with their lives, but you still live in that moment of yesterday...time is frozen....feelings are hard to understand...reality is an attempt to reconcile our worst fears with just breathing over the next hour...

I think it is important to have somewhere that those emotions are shared, and that hands are held...tears are allowed to flow...so if something sounds a little rough, I know it is just from a person being in pain, like I am in pain...that is all...

 

Comment by Rj on June 29, 2015 at 1:13pm

Group ((((((huggggggggg)))))). God bless our broken hearts

Comment by Ammy on June 29, 2015 at 12:12pm

Dolly, we all say things that others sometimes take the wrong way.  As long as the communication stays active it usually gets straightened out.  Glad that is what happened here.

No person truly understands this life we now live if they aren't living it too.  I don't care who they are.  Church pastors, church people, psychiatrist, therapists, friends, family; it doesn't matter, they are just guessing while we are living it.  We need to learn to ignore them in their ignorance or it will drive us crazier.

I believe God understands, but that too is a whole personal thing with each of us.

We are a family of sorts now and families have differences.  It's okay.  Just don't hold grudges or anger.  Say something.  Talk it out.  We all need each other.

Sending my love to all.

Comment by Dolly on June 29, 2015 at 7:20am

thanks everyone... lately I am having so much trouble its almost worse than it was right after Brandon died.. and then all that mean stuff said to me from that founder of that online church  ... I felt so beat up.. I'm sorry if I said anything that hurt anyone in here.. I never meant to.. I'm all raw and can't half think these days..

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