Hi Michael

I just wanted to check in and see how you are doing. I had a pretty bad weekend missing my husband so much that I just didn't want to do anything but listen to music that made me cry. I don't want to die as many do here because I have two amazing kids that I couldn't put through that pain after just losing their dad. I just want him back with us. I hate it when someone tells me that he is in a better place, no he isn't, he should be here with me.

We were married for 14 years.

Michael I have been away all weekend for a dance competition with my 2 girls.  I only returned home tonight at 7 00.  I will touch base with you tomorrow.  Pretty tough situation as Karen was a dancer herself and would always do these activities with the girls  She loved doing these.  The one thing she was hoping for was that she would have enough time left to go to these competitions and see the girls compete.  The girls did fantastic but it was so bittersweet.  I couldn't contain my emotions at times.  Anyway that's why I havn't responded.  I hope things are going ok for you.  I'll talk soon.  Take care

Hey Michael how are you doing.  I meant to tell you that I'm actually from Ontario Canada.  I noticed that your from the united kingdom.  It's quite amazing that we can actually communicate even though were from opposite sides of the globe.  I'm not exactly sure the time difference but I think it's 8 hours.  Karen use to travel to England and Germany for her job. She was a data analyst for Glaxo Smithcline.  I look forward to receiving your email article.  The unfortunate part of where I live is that it's a small town and there's really no meetings for grieving husbands.  I find with this site I can get some things off my mind and communicate with someone who knows what I'm going through.  Looking through old photo's last night of me and my wife and all the happy times we had together. It was upsetting to think that we'll never get the chance to have a picture together again.  I am so glad that I do have those photos and memories but it also reminds me of how much me and the girls have lost.  Karen had beautiful long curly hair and after the chemo she lost it all.  It never had a chance to grow back in the way she had had it.  Because of this she never wanted to have her photo taken the last couple of years.  I would sneek one in here or there.  I would tell her she was just as beautiful as the day I met her.  I'm so happy we had what we had but I am a broken hearted wreck.  I wonder if I will ever feel life again the way I did with Karen.  I love my girls and I live for them.  They are involved in competitive dance so it keeps me busy most days.  The little things I took for granted like going out for a beer with the boys are now hard to do as it's me and the girls.  Unfortunately I don't have my parents anymore and my mother in law is 82.  I have put many photos in my bedroom of Karen so I can wake up to her and go to bed to her.  I don't know if it helps but it makes me happy to see her smiling face.  I hope your having a good day today and it's nice to write to you.  Feel free to vent to me or give any helpful tips for coping.  I will try to do the same for you. 

Michael thankyou so much for the post.  I'm also new to this site.  I'm not even quite sure how to add a photo.  With time I hope to get better at it.  I look forward to talking to you.  I feel exactly the same way you do.  When the kids are at school or in bed at night I don't know what to do with myself.  I never expected to be in this position.  there was so much we wanted to do.  I'm taking it one day at a time because that's all I can do.  So sorry about your loss.  I hope your doing ok today.  I'll talk to you again soon.