Sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences with me. Losing a spouse is devastating. Today was Father's Day. My boys seem more resilient than I. I struggled today worrying about how they would handle today. They both did their own thing. My younger son, age 18, said it was hard on social media seeing everyone posting photos of their dad. He was able to post his own photo of his dad and say he misses him. He got tears in his eyes. It just breaks my heart more for them.
Hi Richard. For some reason doing better today. yesterday started out ok, then lost it by the afternoon when job stuff got to me and it all came out with me being super emotional. I hate that I have to put on a happy face for work, but I do. And my co-workers...I don't even know where to begin. I have told them the prognosis is grim. Rocky is going to die. Yet they keep asking "how is he? doing any better?" well, actually...NO
But I guess they just don't want to get it. So nice to have people here who just ask even though they know exactly how's it going. Thank you Richard for thinking of me.
How are YOU? Is it a good day or bad or just indifferent? Have you decided about the tree? I would think that might trigger so much emotion for you. Maybe it helps some people. I am not sure if I would want to do that, but we shall see. I could see me doing something like that for my dad (who is not doing well but he is very old) but for anyone who goes before their time...I don't know. Its so different. It's so hard to get over. It's so hard to want to move on and act like normal life. But then you try and do a memorial for them, and then that is worse for some reason.
I thought of a tatoo. That seems so obvious. I don't really like them, but I thought of having his name on some part of me no one sees, only me. Something private. Something I could look at and not share with anyone. I find I don't want to share any part of him with anyone. Do you find that to be the case for you? Maybe that's why the tree planting would be hard?
Thanks Richard. It does help to know there are people who know exactly what this is and how I'm feeling. I think that must be why we are here, writing and reading and thinking of other's situations, some of which are so familiar. I do wish it were me and not him though. I really feel like I could handle that a whole lot better. I was raised in a very religious family and never had a fear of dying. I longed for it at other times in my life, I long for it now. Just to not be left.
Thank you Richard. Knowing there are others out there going through this sort of helps. I don't know why. I know that death is part of life and I would just rather be the one going through this than him. He could handle it better than me. I'm a mess.
I have been trying to stay busy. I dont' want to just sit and mope and cry. I spent last wkend planting a garden and added squash plants which Bill would never have been happy with. He could barely tolerate having zucchini in the garden. I amazed myself by being able to start up the rototiller myself, that was Bill's job. And then on Sunday my son and I put up backsplash in the kitchen, which was the last thing to do in finishing Bill's remodel that started 10 years ago. It was time!
I've also started putting out oriole food. I want to see if I can attract them instead of all the other birds.
So thanks for the "friend" request. It's nice to know that I don't have to push thru this alone.
Thank you for your kind words, Richard. So sorry for both of your losses. Cancer is such a horrible disease. Best wishes to you. I'm here if you ever need anyone to talk to or some support. God Bless.
You are what we hope to be....a survivor who was able to love again.
I lost my husband Nov. 6, 2014, also to lung cancer. He was at StageIV by the time he was diagnosed last March. He'd been telling the doctor for at least 2 years that he had hip and back pain. It was metastasis and no one knew. He had gone deer and elk hunting so everyone figured his pain was from that and everything else he did. He took me to Phoenix January 2014 to escape that awful winter we had last year....and was hardly able to walk...and was coughing constantly...He was placed on 5 different antibiotics during that 3 month time frame before he was finally diagnosed. You know what you went thru with Cherie. Bill lasted 6 months after his diagnosis finally succumbing to the cancer and pneumonia. During that time my sister lost her husband to brain cancer. A friend died of colon/lung cancer. Another friend of mine lost her husband to cancer and yet another friend lost her 24 yr old daughter to suicide.
I'm a nurse, trained to help people and I couldn't help the people who matter most to me. I was on family leave while taking care of Bill and once he was gone found that I was burned out and didn't want to shoulder the responsibility of patient lives. I've "retired". Only thing now is I find I have too much time on my hands. We had so looked forward to retirement together. He was only 57 and we'd been married for 27 years. We, too, were together constantly when he wasn't on the road for business or hunting. Our first date was Menards(hardware store) and rarely did we have a wkend where we didn't go there for whatever project he had going. When he was diagnosed with the cancer, his thought/bucket list, was house projects to get completed so I wouldn't have to worry once he was gone. 4 of his brothers came and spent 2 weeks on those projects while he watched.
Not a day goes by that I don't see the love he left in everything around the house. I miss him so much. But you give me hope that I can live with the emptiness. Please accept my condolences on your losses. Life isn't easy..
Thank you Richard. Wouldn't a miracle be nice? I wonder if those things happen anymore. That's what it would take. My sweet husband does not deserve all he is going through right now. No one does.
I am so sorry about your losses. All I can say is that you are a brave soul for loving so deep, twice. You must be hurting very much. I send you so much tenderness and peace...
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Late February is a challenging time of year for me. Jen’s birthday is the 23rd and serves as an annual reminder of all of the potential that was lost…Her’s (mainly), mine, the world’s honestly. This year she would be 52…It is increasingly hard to imagine, through all of the iterations possible, what she could have become, what was to be her (significant) impact on the world.That being said, things, emotions, have largely settled down since I committed a potential version of what could have…See More
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I just now read this message. Thank you so much for your birthday wishes. peace is what we all need... hug
Richard, I will get that book. I'm willing to try anything at this point. I've got everyone worried about me. I don't want that.
Richard, how are you dong these days?
~Kathy
Sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences with me. Losing a spouse is devastating. Today was Father's Day. My boys seem more resilient than I. I struggled today worrying about how they would handle today. They both did their own thing. My younger son, age 18, said it was hard on social media seeing everyone posting photos of their dad. He was able to post his own photo of his dad and say he misses him. He got tears in his eyes. It just breaks my heart more for them.
Hi Richard. For some reason doing better today. yesterday started out ok, then lost it by the afternoon when job stuff got to me and it all came out with me being super emotional. I hate that I have to put on a happy face for work, but I do. And my co-workers...I don't even know where to begin. I have told them the prognosis is grim. Rocky is going to die. Yet they keep asking "how is he? doing any better?" well, actually...NO
But I guess they just don't want to get it. So nice to have people here who just ask even though they know exactly how's it going. Thank you Richard for thinking of me.
How are YOU? Is it a good day or bad or just indifferent? Have you decided about the tree? I would think that might trigger so much emotion for you. Maybe it helps some people. I am not sure if I would want to do that, but we shall see. I could see me doing something like that for my dad (who is not doing well but he is very old) but for anyone who goes before their time...I don't know. Its so different. It's so hard to get over. It's so hard to want to move on and act like normal life. But then you try and do a memorial for them, and then that is worse for some reason.
I thought of a tatoo. That seems so obvious. I don't really like them, but I thought of having his name on some part of me no one sees, only me. Something private. Something I could look at and not share with anyone. I find I don't want to share any part of him with anyone. Do you find that to be the case for you? Maybe that's why the tree planting would be hard?
Thanks Richard. It does help to know there are people who know exactly what this is and how I'm feeling. I think that must be why we are here, writing and reading and thinking of other's situations, some of which are so familiar. I do wish it were me and not him though. I really feel like I could handle that a whole lot better. I was raised in a very religious family and never had a fear of dying. I longed for it at other times in my life, I long for it now. Just to not be left.
Thank you Richard. Knowing there are others out there going through this sort of helps. I don't know why. I know that death is part of life and I would just rather be the one going through this than him. He could handle it better than me. I'm a mess.
Life continues whether we want it to or not.
I have been trying to stay busy. I dont' want to just sit and mope and cry. I spent last wkend planting a garden and added squash plants which Bill would never have been happy with. He could barely tolerate having zucchini in the garden. I amazed myself by being able to start up the rototiller myself, that was Bill's job. And then on Sunday my son and I put up backsplash in the kitchen, which was the last thing to do in finishing Bill's remodel that started 10 years ago. It was time!
I've also started putting out oriole food. I want to see if I can attract them instead of all the other birds.
So thanks for the "friend" request. It's nice to know that I don't have to push thru this alone.
for the word Richard you know how it is right now don't care much about anything back to trying to push through the day today
Thank you for your kind words, Richard. So sorry for both of your losses. Cancer is such a horrible disease. Best wishes to you. I'm here if you ever need anyone to talk to or some support. God Bless.
Thank you Richard
Richard,
You are what we hope to be....a survivor who was able to love again.
I lost my husband Nov. 6, 2014, also to lung cancer. He was at StageIV by the time he was diagnosed last March. He'd been telling the doctor for at least 2 years that he had hip and back pain. It was metastasis and no one knew. He had gone deer and elk hunting so everyone figured his pain was from that and everything else he did. He took me to Phoenix January 2014 to escape that awful winter we had last year....and was hardly able to walk...and was coughing constantly...He was placed on 5 different antibiotics during that 3 month time frame before he was finally diagnosed. You know what you went thru with Cherie. Bill lasted 6 months after his diagnosis finally succumbing to the cancer and pneumonia. During that time my sister lost her husband to brain cancer. A friend died of colon/lung cancer. Another friend of mine lost her husband to cancer and yet another friend lost her 24 yr old daughter to suicide.
I'm a nurse, trained to help people and I couldn't help the people who matter most to me. I was on family leave while taking care of Bill and once he was gone found that I was burned out and didn't want to shoulder the responsibility of patient lives. I've "retired". Only thing now is I find I have too much time on my hands. We had so looked forward to retirement together. He was only 57 and we'd been married for 27 years. We, too, were together constantly when he wasn't on the road for business or hunting. Our first date was Menards(hardware store) and rarely did we have a wkend where we didn't go there for whatever project he had going. When he was diagnosed with the cancer, his thought/bucket list, was house projects to get completed so I wouldn't have to worry once he was gone. 4 of his brothers came and spent 2 weeks on those projects while he watched.
Not a day goes by that I don't see the love he left in everything around the house. I miss him so much. But you give me hope that I can live with the emptiness. Please accept my condolences on your losses. Life isn't easy..
I am sorry for your loss Richard...April 6th is when my Terry died.
I met him when I was 18 and we've been together since..till April.
I lost my brother last Labor Day and my best friend of 47 years last May.
Enough already...I know death is a part of life...but it is the hardest part of life I have experienced in my almost 61 years...
I will add you to my talk to Jesus tonight that you and I can both find a little peace...alice
Thank you Richard. Wouldn't a miracle be nice? I wonder if those things happen anymore. That's what it would take. My sweet husband does not deserve all he is going through right now. No one does.
I am so sorry about your losses. All I can say is that you are a brave soul for loving so deep, twice. You must be hurting very much. I send you so much tenderness and peace...
thank you so much, Richard. I have been a mess for sure. I apreciatte your kindness a lot...
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