I feel so alone.

I reached out to this group briefly after I lost the love of my life almost exactly six months ago.  I haven't been able to come back much, as I felt like my heart was breaking even more after reading some of the posts.  I felt like I couldn't handle more heart break.  I think I have come to realize that I do need to hear how you all are feeling and handling it, and the support that you provide.  

I feel so lost.  I feel like I can't handle another day.  I go to work every day because I have to.  I do the things that I have to do.  It is exhausting.  Pretending to be ok is exhausting.  Worrying about how uncomfortable everyone feels around me is exhausting.  At the same time, I don't think anyone wants to know how I really feel.  People say - "what's wrong?"  Really??? I try to explain that this is the hardest time of my life, and no one begins to understand.  I guess I don't really expect anyone to "understand", but, if I am forced to pretend to be OK every day, can't they pretend to try to "get it"?

I have two daughters (20 and 25) I try to be strong for them.  It is so hard.  I feel like I am in complete chaos.  I lost my best friend, so suddenly.  He was perfectly healthy and loved life so much.  We were together for 11 years and had so many things planned for the future.  Everywhere I look is a memory.  Everything I see I am reminded of what we had and what was suppose to be.  I feel so cheated.

Thanks for listening.

Jennifer

Views: 246

Replies to This Discussion

Hi Jennifer, I know exactly how you feel when you say it's exhausting carrying on like this. I'm tired of going to work and people avoiding asking me the dreaded question "How are you?" just in case I give an answer that they're not comfortable with. So most people avoid me apart from to say a quick hello. Like I have asked for this to happen to me!!! I'm so sorry that my grief is so uncomfortable for them!!
I'm existing, not living, and it's so so tiring continuing like this.
Gabrielle

Thanks Gabrielle - It helps to know that I am not the only one who is just "existing".  Many days it feels like such a huge effort to just step out of bed and even brush my teeth.  By the time I even get to work I have already had enough...

Having to go to work is the only thing that forces me up in the morning. Crying in the shower is not how my life used to be. So recently- just 4 months ago- my life was normal! And now with each day that passes the person I used to be and the contentment I used to feel - and most importantly the person I loved most in the word- is one step further away. x

Hi Jennifer
Why do people say such things even my own mother told me off for wearing red saying it was disrespectful and that was after 6 months !!!! I thought she of all people would understand as my father died aged 50 22nd may 1981 of a heart attack and my husband died aged50 22nd may 2014 of a heart attack and I really can't believe it both the loves of my life dying on the same day !!! There are good people tho I have no children so I go to stay with friends and sometimes I find myself laughing then crying because I feel so guilty,but I carry on everyday because my darling husband loved life so much that it would be an insult to his memory if I gave up .
So do anything that makes you feel a little better no matter what other people think they will never understand unless they have been through it and even then like my mother there will still be insensitive people, I hope you find you're happiness once again kind regards dawn

RSS

Latest Activity

Speed Weasel posted a blog post

Assumptions

An assumption is an unexamined belief: what is thought to be true without ever really realizing that we think in that way. For better or worse, understanding starts with entertaining the idea that something is true.  Truly profound thoughts generally come to light from the relaxation of these (flawed) assumptions.  This is where I find myself today...Perhaps, one of the more significant drivers to pushing down the loss and grief at the time of the accident, ignoring it and mindlessly walking…See More
Mar 13
Profile IconCari Jo Converse, Jennifer and James D. Thornsberry joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Mar 13
Profile IconMarina Dsouza, Leah, Sandra M Aaron and 5 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Mar 5
esther joined HollowHeart's group
Thumbnail

Sibling Loss

This group is for anyone that has lost a brother or sister. Sibling loss is often minimized and people don't realize how devastating losing a sibling can be. I lost my older sister and my life will never be the same. She was my only sibling, I looked up to her, I went to her for everything. I lost my past, present and future. It is traumatic.See More
Mar 4
Speed Weasel posted a video

Sun Keeps Risin'

Provided to YouTube by The Orchard EnterprisesSun Keeps Risin' · Lissie · Elisabeth Corrin Maurus · Martin CraftMy Wild West℗ 2015 Lionboy RecordsReleased on...
Feb 26
Speed Weasel posted a blog post

Triggers Continue to Surface

Late February is a challenging time of year for me.  Jen’s birthday is the 23rd and serves as an annual reminder of all of the potential that was lost…Her’s (mainly), mine, the world’s honestly.  This year she would be 52…It is increasingly hard to imagine, through all of the iterations possible, what she could have become, what was to be her (significant) impact on the world.That being said, things, emotions, have largely settled down since I committed a potential version of what could have…See More
Feb 15
Michelle joined Gyla Lynn Darden's group
Thumbnail

Loss of a child In memory of my son or daughter

This group focuses on healing ourselves and each other over the death of a child and welcomes a Christian atmosphere to help with the healing process. I welcome all of those grieving.See More
Feb 8
Tammy McLaughlin and Rosie are now friends
Jan 30

© 2024   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service