Hi Valerie, I am so glad you have resolved things with the house, We don't need any more stress in our lives we have enough. I wasn't sure if I should say anything but yes I have had communication with Don. I had a medium come to my house a couple of months ago and she had some messages from Don that only Don would know about. He was pointing out shoes lined up and at first Deanna the medium thought they were Don's and wondered if he had a pair of shoes that hurt his feet, I said no and we carried on but he kept talking about the shoes. She said he was stroking my feet and then she realized it was my feet and wondered if I had a problem with them. I do and Don wanted me to see a doctor, I told him I would wait it was only a problem in the winter. She said he is insisting that I start taking care of myself for a change. He also told her to ask me about the TV to tell me he was doing it. I started to laugh because Don had pre scheduled the Sunday Nascar races in advance and I thought I had gotten rid of future reminders but it didn't work so I just left them thinking he wanted me too. A few other small things as well. I know he has helped with some decisions and helped me make the right ones. I was the same as you Don and I were best friends and I didn't socialize until he passed. I live in a very small town so I have been going to brunches and that sort of thing at the legion and everyone has been kind. That's how I have made some friends. I am going to see the medium again in a few months. You take care of yourself and lets keep talking

Maureen

Hi Valerie,

It was good to hear from you. 

I understand what you mean about some days seem ok, others ...you just want to cry all day...nothing seems right.

I'm coming up on 9 months! Doesn't seem possible. I was looking at the pictures on the wall...the pix of Bill pre-cancer is how I remember him. I look at the pix during his "torment" and I hardly recognize that as someone I knew. 

I push myself to see friends. It does seem like most of the time I'm the one making contact. I don't know, maybe they feel weird contacting me...like they're intruding. My brother wants me to go to his cabin for a couple of days next week while my sister (out of state) is visiting. He's had the place for 5 years and this would be the first time I've seen it...yet, it seems like such an effort to go.

Life is so strange, isn't it? I spent all my 20's doing stuff on my own, with friends...Then Bill came along and it was the 2 of us. He seemed to fill a void I didn't even know I had...Now.....the void seems sooooo much bigger.

But, I plod along as you do. Trying to keep up a brave front. 

You know you aren't alone! The good days have to outnumber the bad soon!

Hi Valerie

Well I am not doing so great, I have days that are a little better than others, but I think I am still having trouble accepting That Don is not here with me. But like they say one day at a time, I have friends who are making it a little easier, but I guess you know just how I am feeling. It is such a lost empty feeling, I have never been through anything like this before.

I have been thinking about you and hoping the days get easier

Maureen

Hi Valerie

 I tried going back to work last night, I had to go to the airport and catch a flight.  I did not make it, had to call in sick, a back issue I thought was resolving flared back up combined with the grief and it was not a good mix for me going back to a position of responsibility.

I look forward to going back to work, I need the change of scenery.  I have several close friends at my job. 

My house like yours is a source of comfort and reminders that cause sadness.  I tend to stay in the downstairs, it was more my space, still reminders of my wife, but it just seems more natural.  I have started cleaning out my wife's things, clothes, shoes, antiques.  She had lots of stuff that holds little real sentimental value but still triggers emotional outbursts.  It has been very difficult, but has to be done.  And I have purchased a new sofa just to make the living room more my son and I's place.

Have a good night Valerie

Mark

I know what you mean, there are some days I can't talk about it either. I just get through the days best as I can. Take care of yourself and I am thinking about you.

Maureen

Hi Valerie

  I'm a couple years ahead of you on the calendar, I turn 54 in June.  I never thought much about the aging thing until recently.  The passing of the days hold little meaning when we're content.  

  I'm glad to know I am not the only one feels better as the day winds down.   Although today was odd, felt lousy most of the day, then went for a walk with my son at 5 pm.  I felt better almost immediately, like a shot of adrenaline.  But it only lasted a few minutes, then right back down.  Another mystery.  Still on the low side now.  Not a very eloquent response.

I hope you can sleep and have pleasant dreams.

Mark

Thanks for the comments Valerie, sorry you had a couple of difficult days.  I don't understand why, we as humans need to feel so distressed for such long periods of time, I don't see what purpose this all serves from a religious standpoint or from an evolutionary standpoint it makes no sense to me.  I wish I had a magic wand and cold soothe your soul and everyone else's here.  

But so far I have founding my wishing to be one of the less therapeutic things I can do.  I do feel for you and hope you can move forward in a positive way, and I and deeply sorry for your loss.

Mark

Yep I have cried at Kroger too. This was my worst nightmare and now I am living it. No clue how to move forward and if I do what does that even look like.

I have sent you a friend request.

Dianne

Thanks Valerie, I look forward to a good day.  Right now the most good was about 2 hours a few weeks ago when out with my son.  Next best is evenings when I am just dulled out.  Right now, I am a morning mess.  Thanks for comments on my blog.

Valerie, I am very sorry for the loss of your husband, tragedy is indiscriminate.  

Thank you so much for your comments, it's reassuring to hear from someone who has been through it to here that it gets easier.  I feel I am just trolling the bottom.

As far as having a son, he helps me.  He has been getting through this better than me and I have leaned on him.  I feel guilty for doing it.

I can't take any anti-anxiety pills, if I do I can not work, and my wife had a prescription drug addiction that in no small part led to her demise.  It's my experience, I hope they are only a benefit too you.

Thank you again and I wish you the best on this difficult journey.

It is nice to know I am not alone. I have a handful of friends who are being very supportive. Actually I have found out I have more friends than I realized. Don and I were very close and this is the most difficult thing I have ever experienced.

Thanks Valerie. I am going to make a point of visiting this site every day. People like you make me feel better.

Thank you for your friend request

Thank you so much Valerie. I really appreciate your reaching out to me. I am so sorry about your husband. You are both very young and that must make it especially hard. You are right I miss him so much and he was the love of my life. He was also my best friend. I am still processing that he is gone, I am sure it will take a long time

Hey Valerie,

Saw where you are having a hard time.  My heart goes out to you. I will keep you in my prayers. I know about those crying spells. It's like a wave that comes over you. Pushes you under water. You struggle to breath. Karla loved birthday cake. Any one with cream cheese frosting. I hadn't though of one in quite a while. Then I was in walmart. Caught a glimpse of the birthday cakes. Just overwhelming feeling of sorrow hit me. Got to crying. Could not stop! Got off in a Connor by myself until it eased up enough to get out of there.  Then just last week. I opened a drawer of the dresser. Saw her kindle. It has this little light on it that she got to use when she would read in bed while I was sleeping. little things like that, tear me up so. I just almost can't stand it. I immediately thought, why can't I die and get out if this pain. It's just so hard. Harder than I ever imagined.