Roger, thank you so much for your kind words regarding my poems. Yes they are truly heartfelt. I didn't write anything until Ste died and now he's the ink in my pen. I write to express my grief and to help others know they are not alone. I've attached a poem for you to share with Karla. Bless you too.

Roger,

Thanks for sharing. Yes, this is the most painful thing I have ever been through. I guess it has been about 36 days ago that I lost Mike. I kiss a picture of him every night. I have cried every day since I lost him. My eyes are so tired and puffy. I bougth a couple of books about greiving. One is called seven choices, the other one is called "Heaven is for Real". But, my eyes hurt so bad and are so tired from crying it is too much of a strain on my eyes.

I get those waves too. Then, I will be okay, then they are back. I keep waiting for sign from Michael or God that he is okay. Even a dream would be comforting. My Mom lives with me. Mike was always really good about her living with us, well most of the time. :)

He looked out for her. I cannot believe he is gone. The hardest part for me right now, is just driving to work, being at work, being at home,...you get the point. 


I'm so sorry your lost Karla. It's just not fair is it? They were both so young. This whole house has Mike in it everwhere. I sometimes feel like I cannot go on without him. And, sometimes, Roger...I feel like the pain is going to just do me in. It's pretty unbearable at times. 

I am seeing a counselor every other week and plan to go to group counseling to see if that can help me. I really feel like the only way I could be happy again is if we could turn back time and have all of this not happen. I guess I'm going to counseling to see how to cope with this HUGE loss. I love him so much, my heart just aches.

My Mom keeps telling me I will probably not see any "signs" from Michael, but I feel like if I could, maybe I would get comfort in knowning that he is around me and I will see him again and that there is a Heaven and our death her on Earth is only a transition. 

Well, thanks for checking on me. Do you have support around you? I have a few friends, but I don't think they totally undertand what I am going through. They mean well, but I think they feel I should be doing a little better now, but I'm not. I taking benadril at night to help me sleep. So far, I'm getting about 5 hours of sleep. Once I wake up, all I do is think of what I've Lost.

Anyhow, I'm writing a novel here...:) I will pray for you and pray for piece. I know you know how am feeling, everyone on this site pretty does.  A journey we did not ask for. 

I hope you have a peaceful night.
Valerie

Roger,

I called you, Robert. My apologies. She sure is beautiful. I'm sure she was beautiful both inside and out. You both look so happy in this picture you shared. I'm sorry for your pain. I think some people expect people should be "over it". It gets really hard putting on the fake smile. And, you lost your dear Mom as well. I'm so sorry. Mike and I didn't have kids either, but I am fortunate to have my Mom still with me. She lived with us. Mike was so good about it. Although my Mom drove him crazy at times, they did love each other. I think I will miss Mike forever. It's only been one month for me, but I've cried every single day. Even going to the grocery makes me sad. We did everything together. We were pretty much joined at the hip. 
life is not fair. She was too young to go. Maybe we can take baby steps to healing. I'm searching for a meaning and purpose too. I'm going to counseling not sure if it will help because all I really want is Mike back. Do you mind telling me if you have felt your wife's presence around you? Any signs?
Valerie

Roger  thank you  and  I  am  so  sorry  for   your  lost  I  am  so  ready  to  give  up  

Hi Roger.  What a tough cookie you must be.   I don't even have words.  I lost my mom, but I'm not married.  I can not imagine losing both my wife and my mother.  My life has changed too.  I have such a crazy job, that I am always at work, so I don't have very many friends...because they never could understand why I was always at work and not hanging out with them.    Probably not the healthiest thing, but I haven't been able to find another job.   And so I just go to work everyday.   I have two cats and one dog and, yes, they are what is keeping me going right now, oddly.  They snuggle me at night while I cry, but I agree, they are not the same as family.   I don't know how I'm going to make it through her birthday and holidays.   God, I don't even want to think about that.  I've actually been trying to go to church, because my mom's faith was so strong, but it just makes me cry because she would have been there with me if she was here.   The Bible says blessed are they that mourn...but I don't feel very blessed.  And yes, it is some small comfort knowing that I am not alone.   I've very much had that feeling over the last month.   All the plans we had for this month...haven't happened...and there is so much loneliness and anguish. 

Roger, thank you so much. You are in my prayers as well. I understand what you are going through, I ask all the time why.. Just sucks!

I am sorry for you loss Roger.I understand your pain, first your wife and then mom.Lost my mom last year...she was assaulted by unknown assailants and succumbed to her injuries.The pain is still there.....the wound is still fresh,she dies everyday.

I'm alive the weeks seem to drag by don't get to sleep into around 4 or 5 am so I'm this now really getting up do did my chores for the day fed all the puppy have one of my son's friends aunt coming over this s afternoon to pick out her puppy and give me a deposit on it I'm keeping two I named the Matty n Harley bc of my husband I miss him every morning I wake I except he going to bring me my cup of coffee I don't care if I see anybody I can hide in the bedroom for days only letting the dogs outside n back in most days I don't even get dressed stay in my pj

Thank you Roger for your friendship. I am so sorry for your loss. Comforting others helps with my own pain at times

Yesterday I invited a close friend for dinner. I thought what in hell I got myself in. I felt horrible yesterday and I did not want to cook at all. However once I started cooking and done.. It was enjoyable Dinner with my friends and family.

Roger, thank you for your comments, I am confused on this site at the moment, my brain is working in slow motion, so am not sure if it is me or the site is confusing to navigate. 

one of the statements you made regarding people telling you to "move on" or start dating really struck me. People have no clue how hurtful those words can be and I do think most are well-meaning, but they want us to move on for THEM more often than not.

our daughter was only buried 3 weeks ago and already it feels that some friends are acting like I should be over and done with it or am grieving too much and should seek counseling!

How much is "too much" grieving over a child or a beloved spouse?? I am not easily offended in general, but the lack of understanding just astounds me.

I am biting my tongue as my emotions are all over the place but at some point someone will hear that my grief isn't going to go away according to their made up timetable or just to make them feel better.

There has been a huge drop off in family and friends making contact and I was expecting that so am not shocked, but it is the last thing I need right now. people will rally during a crisis and hang around for the drama of it all, but as soon as the loved one dies, it seems they think it is time to change the channel.

this isn't just what is happening to me, I was a hospice nurse for over 7 years and observed it time and again. It doesn't help those who are grieving to have to feel defensive about how long they mourn. Or to be made to feel like they can just run out and replace the loved one and that will make it all better.

There seems to be some general rule that people have a year to "get over it" and anything past that is abnormal... don't let outside attitudes make you feel even worse. thoughts and prayers, Karen