Missing my Son or Daughter

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Missing my Son  or  Daughter

For all of us that are suffering the loss a son or daughter.

Members: 451
Latest Activity: Nov 3, 2022

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Please share your Story = the Loss of your Son or Daughter 467 Replies

Started by Kar. Last reply by Julie McKinney Jan 17, 2022.

STUPID things people say... " Vent Here " 182 Replies

Started by Kar. Last reply by Robert Matthews Mar 11, 2018.

Do you ever feel like your pain from the sadness of losing your child, only intensifies as times goes by? 163 Replies

Started by Karen R.. Last reply by Jacqueline Miller-Gartner Mar 17, 2022.

Lost Faith 58 Replies

Started by cindy parrott. Last reply by Dennis C. Jun 27, 2015.

The HOW ARE YOU dreaded Question ???? How do you answer??? 49 Replies

Started by Kar. Last reply by Robert Matthews Mar 11, 2018.

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Comment by Dick on October 31, 2014 at 3:16pm

Thanks everyone for your kind words.

Comment by Connie K on October 31, 2014 at 3:02pm

Oh Dick  - wondering if you have a grandchild out there - a piece of your son - that must be maddening. I know that if it were me I would definitely want to know. Because my son, Daniel, was my only child. I know this is wrong but I hoped that his girlfriend would be pregnant and she was just 17. But the idea of a part of him living on was such a great hope that I have to admit that it crossed my mind. All of these emotions are so hard to deal with. Maybe your son signed the papers, but you didn't. Perhaps there is a way to find out without creating any angst for the child and his adoptive family. Perhaps locating the family and telling them about your loss, they might allow a dna test as long as they do not feel any threat of losing their child. What a tough situation on top of the grief. Maybe I'm totally wrong about it but I think if it's true, you will somehow find each other. Don't be so hard on yourself. You didn't cause any of this and it is our of your control. I'm sorry you are feeling so bad.

I really think that white rabbit is a sign that Danny is with you. A sign that you can still see the beauty and joy in this earth. Think of how that bunny was lost and alone and you found him, gave him love and saved him. That's what our children want for us I think  - to still be able to give and receive love like we did for them. If you keep that giving part of yourself open, I believe you will start to receive more and more messages. But I know it's a just such a hard road to walk. I hope you find it's owner or become it's owner :)

My son also showed signs of knowing what was to come. I have read that people often know (subconsciously)within a week of their impeding passing. That week we had been arguing and in typical teenage fashion he said he couldn't wait to move out when he turned 18 and that I was a terrible mother. My son came to me right out of the blue the day before he died and told me that he didn't mean it and that he thought I was great Mom and that (of course) he wanted to keep living with us. What a gift that was to me to receive before he was gone! He was very pensive that week and seemed to calm down and show love to everyone. These are mysteries we shall one day understand but for now I just have faith that he's okay. Now I have to try to have faith that I will be okay somehow. Right now I don't know how...

Comment by Jesse's Mom on October 31, 2014 at 3:01pm

Dick, so totally agree with your last statement. Its okay to vent. I have found it difficult to find people in my life that are supportive. Most have went back to their idyllic existence.

 

Linda, you might find some of what Rachel Joy Scott (first murder victim of Columbine)  wrote to be of interest. Her family believed she knew at some level. Her journal is online at http://www.racheljoyscott.com/rachelslegacy.htm#

Comment by Dick on October 31, 2014 at 1:38pm

So many question, so many holes in my heart. I am one tortured person.

I have anger, guilt, sadness and doubt all rolled up into one nice little present that stays with me night and day. the gift just keeps giving.

Comment by Dick on October 31, 2014 at 1:31pm

I want to get this off my chest. I have never told anyone about this except my other son knows because his brother told him.

He told me in 2005 that he was going to help a pregnant girl out at school and sign the adoption papers as the father to allow the girl to give the baby up for adoption. He told me it was not his. OK. I found the papers in his belongings after he left.

I talked with his brother last summer when we went to visit. It was just me and him. I opened the conversation about anything he wanted to know about his brother I would answer if I could. He asked me about the adopted baby, apparently Danny wanted to get the child back.

So if the child was not his , why would he want to get it back. It tortures me that I may have another grandchild somewhere. The papers deny any contact with the child that would be about 10 years old now. This tears me apart of not knowing.

I have bared my soul please go easy on me.

Comment by Dick on October 31, 2014 at 1:14pm

Sorry to be so chatty all of a sudden, but Danny's birthday is approaching quickly and I am feeling bad.

Comment by Linda on October 31, 2014 at 10:31am

Dick: God is good. Since losing my only daughter at the very young age of 31 and finding her letter just recently, I see that maybe our children new something that they didn't quite realize was a testament to upcoming events. 7 months has now passed since losing my beautiful child. Daily I see God's good blessing, all be it they were most likely there before her death. I am in the deepest pit of my mourning. I look for direction in my every moment.

Stay strong friend as I try to encourage my own strength.

Hug's to all

Comment by Dick on October 31, 2014 at 9:10am

Laurie,

I am glad you mentioned it. 2011 was an unusual year for Danny. He help ed his grandmother remodel, he helped me remodel, we went to an unusual number of ball games and movies, and he helped the church. He did some other things that seemed out of character for the amount of things he did. Visited more family than usual. Most of my pictures and video is of his last year.

I freaks me out looking back that it was almost him saying goodbye. Maybe my imagination, I did not connect the dots at that time, just happy he was doing those things.

Comment by Jesse's Mom on October 31, 2014 at 8:38am

Dick, I looked at your pictures and spotted the one of your sons in front of the helicoptor. It is a nice picture of your two handsome sons.

You may find some help at the following website put out by Carol Kearns, who is a grief counselor mentored under Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. She lost her own daughter to a drowning. She has a chapter online (from her book) about children who seemed to know their passing was near.

http://www.carolkearns.com/kristens-legacy/ch_believe.html

Carol helped me a lot, especially in the beginning.

Comment by Dick on October 30, 2014 at 9:23pm

Danny was a commercial diver and he told me how he would leave, I always thought he was referring to a diving accident. It was a heart attack after returning from a dive. I always wonder if the dive had something to do with it.

 

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