Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
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Year Two
Dec 2, 2014.
I, too have begun to realize my reality.
Oh Dolly, so beautiful.
Mother Nature at her best.
This is near your cabin?
just beautiful Dolly it glows
dolly, that tree is beautiful,
Adrienne
Same with me and triggers. It is so hard to finish grocery shopping. There is always something that reminds me of something he loved that I would make for him. I decided that on Dec.1 the 2nd angelversary I will make that onion soup. Just for him. I don't know why but I think that he wants me too. Gale - yes the 2nd year ...I am sorry to say seems to be about finally coming out of the shock. Yes I manage it better but the pain just doesn't get any less intense for me. I think that's where my anxiety is coming from....the reality is so clear now
Dolly - the hardest thing in the world is to forgive ourselves. I struggle with that as well. But I do know that you are a wonderful mother and gave your all to Brandon.
Teresa thanks for your understanding and nice to hear from you Michele
Lynn - SO glad you have Gena there and that you can garden together as a tribute to Kyra. That really is the ultimate tribute for her. I know she will be there with every seed planted.
<3 <3 <3 to all
Hello,
Sorry I haven't been on for a bit - it's so good to hear what you have to say Teresa. Is it true that the 2 year mark is often harder to bear? I'm told that during the first year, there is so much anxiety and worry about how to handle one milestone after another. When year 2 comes around the reality of our loss hits us smack in the face and that's when we really get the message that our loved one isn't coming back ......I'm 4 months in this and my biggest fear is that my precious Michael's life will fade into the backdrop of life. I don't ever want to lose that closeness -
Connie I totally get where you are. I think the reality is even harder to face once we finally start to face it. I also feel jealousy as I watch his cousins and friends move on.
Just like you dolly I always feel as though I don't have any words of wisdom.
One of the things I truly appreciated from others in the beginning was the "truth". Other parents that lost a child weren't the ones telling me it would get better instead they said you'll learn to manage the pain.
Instead of telling me Michael wouldn't want me to cry they let me know I would be crying for a long time.
They didn't say go enjoy life instead they said you have to fight to survive.
It was the honesty I appreciated.
Now like you Connie I am moving towards the reality. Those around me think after 2 years I should be healing but no, wrong. I don't think I'll ever heal instead I will learn to manage it. That's not to say I don't cry everyday or that I don't fall a part when no one is looking.
I know for me every time someone new enters the room I go right back to the first moment, the first week, the first month and now the first year and I think of what is ahead of them. I wish I could take a magic wand and send them back but I can't. All I can do is listen, cry with them and let them know some day they will also learn to manage it.
I feel like I am falling apart. I had an amazing communication from my son and I know he is okay and wants me to be. That should make me feel better I know but I still feel like he should be with us. I am trying to be strong, to stay focused on doing things that matter to me in this world. But I feel like someone is pulling me under the water by the feet. I can't believe that our hearts can take so much hurt without bursting. I miss my son SO much I can hardly function right now. I don't wan to do anything or talk to anyone. Why can't I accept it? After almost 2 years, I am starting to feel panicky. I have gained so much weight, that is not helping. I am beginning to feel jealousy for those carrying on with their lives with their children and grandchildren. My niece just had a a baby this week and another niece is due in Dec and another is due in March. I am so happy for them but a little jealous of my siblings who get to have grandchildren and experience the blessing of new life. I know I need to change my perspective but to me there is a big blank empty void as I look at the rest of my life. Just having a really really hard week. Thank you all for being here. I am praying for us all.
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