My only son (left-handed) was shot in the head above his left eyebrow 9/30/2012. My son went to a girl house he knew to get his clothes. The girl (Charly) told police that they were playing with gun and my son shot himself. The oldest lie in history, to but the murder on the victim. The police walked away.

Here's one of my favorite pictures of Brandon...

Brandon also loved Michael Jackson and when Michael died we had a strange experience concerning him...I will tell you about it if you like, but its a long story ...we tried to play some of Michael's music for Brandon over the years since Michael died....but Michael WAS a genius and his music isn't easy to play...anyway, Brandon still loved it when we tried...and one other thing...I also lost my dear cousin in a motorcycle wreck when he was 20, and about a year or so later I was crying over him and listening to "Bridge over Troubled Waters" and I felt a hug like someone was sitting behind me and had their arms around me and I thought it was him..or God for him...and once saw his face flash on the TV screen during a Vietnam special of the troops overseas....I know these things could be just ME wanting them so much and imagining them...but they ALSO could be something ELSE....keep watching and listening....maybe Brandon and your son are somewhere making the most beautiful music ever heard....maybe we'll hear it one day....

Karen ...your son loved music...so did my son Brandon..Brandon was born a tiny preemie and had lots of issues such as cysts on his brain stem, and fluid on the brain..as a result he was very physically disabled, and could only use one hand and even then only slightly...even so, he did everything he could to respond to music...since he died, many unexplained things have given me peace about him...they haven't made me miss him or grieve for him one tiny bit less, but they have made me feel like HE is ok somewhere...

at least three times now, a song started playing all by itself..twice it was on a laptop computer, and once it was on Brandon's iPad...the first time it was days after he died and I was so shocked I don't remember what it was...the other two times the songs were ones he loved, or ones that seemed like him...one time a toy guitar went off in his room...but there was no guitar in there that made that sound...and three times lights have gone on for no apparent reason...twice it was a star light we hung over a manger last christmas...this is at our little mountain place we built years ago, where Brandon first came to live with us...the last time it was the wee morning hours of my birthday when I got up to use the bathroom and found the LED lights on in his bed....other things have happened too...we've been seeing and hearing animals and birds that are rarely seen around here, and last week for the first time in my life I saw a fire rainbow over our house....many of these things happened on special days like my birthday, or on Thursdays, the day he died [May2]...I don't know if its Brandon himself, or God FOR Brandon to reassure me...but that's just too many things to just all be a coincidence....so watch and listen...I don't ask for anything specific...actually I don't ask at all...but I'm always always looking and waiting...

wow, that is a powerful thought-provoking poem, thanks for posting it.

sending hugs

Hi Karen,

sorry I have been out of touch. I wish I could say it is because life has gotten easier, but really it hasn't.  I feel like crying all of the time, and feel little joy even with things I should.  I am ashamed that I feel this way after watching Silas fight so damn hard & still enjoy life to the fullest...  you are in my thoughts often my friend. I hope you are finding moments of peace

hugs this morning to you and i just went thru the hell of counting one more month to this nightmare we call life now , i just wanted to tell you somehow someway we get up and we make it for the children left with us i actually am going to meet a friend this morning for some talk and coffee and as i sit here i m trying to figure out how to get out of it ....but i wont ...i dont think anyhow i just wanted to say im with you in thought love .Jessica

Irrational for anyone who does not know what the loss of your child does and it does not matter if its your only child or one of ten of your children the pain i am sure is the same so nothing irrational about this im sure this will be the case for any event i attend i just went to my first one and i had to prepare and make sure i did nto let on for one second that i was thinking about amber for it was sarah my 14 year old commencement and a very important day for her somehow i managed i thank the stars it was not long and drawn out it was over in perfect time ....much love to you.

gm and hugs karen this is my response to one of your shares with us .Oh Billie, I'm so sorry. I know how you feel. My son was only 21 yrs old and once at a young friend's wedding, I completely lost it when her new husband danced with his mom. I became overwhelmed with sadness as it reminded me that I would never dance with my son his wedding. Everyone else was so happy and taking pictures but my heart was crumbling.....well, what's left of it. Many people thought that my tears were happy tears but they weren't. I had to remove myself from the dance floor and sit at my table, I was the only one sitting and of course sobbing, I didn't want the happy bride to see me. Another friend noticed me at the table and came to my aid, she knew right away what my tears were about. She took me to the bathroom and convinced me not to leave. I got it together and went to join the guests but the whole time I was watching everyone like I was watching a movie in slow motion, all I could think was wow, how can all of these people be so happy, how can they laugh,  how can they dance......don't they know my son is gone?!!! How is the world going on without my son!!! It sounds irrational but that was how I was feeling.

Dear Karen thank you and mine does as well for  you and all of us that have to come here all thou i am glad this site exists at least we all know how it feels and we wont say the stupid things people do whom think they may know what it feels like or expect the stupid things people expect of us its a night mare a horrible terrrible night mare i find myself at times truly thinking im going crazy just few days back i opened the front door to have my first morning cigg and as i opened it i said out loud hi amber wtf ??? wtf? then i lost it like i always do.

My youngest daughter died on 8/10/09 she would have been 19 years old on 8/14/09.  I know it takes about 10 years to stop grieving over every other loved one I have lost.  But I will go to my grave grieving over Rebekah.   Karen I think I know your husband?  

Karen, thank you for your friendship request.

take care,

Amanda

Hi Karen. I read your post about your son's birthday. I agree with your daughter that the very few people who showed up are really the ones who cared and are true friends. But i also understand how angry and upseting it is to see that time passes by and eventually people move on and forget. Its amazing how at the beginning everyone is there and say that they will always be there; however, those are just empty promises as when time passes by most of them forget.

We did a candlelight vigil for my husband for his 6 month anniversary at the scene he was killed and I can sadly say that not even half of his friends/family showed up. Yet, the ones that did show up are the ones that matter because those are the ones who have been with me since day 1. Everyone else, is out of my list and I am done with them.

I still cant help to wonder how his 1 yr anniversary will be (4/28/12) ? or for his birthday (5/24/12)?.

Hugs,

Amanda

Karen, my dear friend, it hurts me to read of your suffering. I wish I could think of the words to mend your broken heart but I believe only God's words can begin to bring comfort. I can understand you begging God to perform a miracle for your son and wish that had been possible.  This grief and suffering brought by Satan, is overwhelming.  God promises to help us through all our trials until he can bring an end to the suffering and bring the earth back to a paradise.

(Isaiah 41:10) “Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Do not gaze about, for I am your God. I will fortify you. I will really help you. I will really keep fast hold of you with my right hand of righteousness.’”

I would like to share more encouraging scriptures with you, if you would like. I will keep you in my prayers, please keep me in yours…

Brenda

Mawmaw1591@gmail.com

Karen, I too feel your pain. I cried so many tears today, but shared some laughs with my daughters. Zach was a musician and a composer too, our sons had that in common. I love his smile and great sense of humor and easy disposition. He will forever be in my thoughts and in my heart, not a day goes by that I don't miss him. I made a decision to myself and to Zach, I am trying to survive this. I am so thankful to this group for always allowing me to be sad and share whenever I need to. Prayers and big hugs to  you. Robin