Missing my Son or Daughter

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Missing my Son  or  Daughter

For all of us that are suffering the loss a son or daughter.

Members: 451
Latest Activity: Nov 3, 2022

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Please share your Story = the Loss of your Son or Daughter 467 Replies

Started by Kar. Last reply by Julie McKinney Jan 17, 2022.

STUPID things people say... " Vent Here " 182 Replies

Started by Kar. Last reply by Robert Matthews Mar 11, 2018.

Do you ever feel like your pain from the sadness of losing your child, only intensifies as times goes by? 163 Replies

Started by Karen R.. Last reply by Jacqueline Miller-Gartner Mar 17, 2022.

Lost Faith 58 Replies

Started by cindy parrott. Last reply by Dennis C. Jun 27, 2015.

The HOW ARE YOU dreaded Question ???? How do you answer??? 49 Replies

Started by Kar. Last reply by Robert Matthews Mar 11, 2018.

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Comment by Vasanthi S on September 17, 2014 at 12:24pm

Lynn,

thanks, I think it strikes a chord of understanding exactly how we feel. Now at home in IndiaI alternate between feeling my son close to me and then a shock that he wont be coming back... also got cold n flu and kind of nursing myself back to feeling ok.. I keep talking to my son and there is so much to share and will once im over this flu bit.. it will be gone soon with the medication so lots of love to all my dear friends .

Comment by Connie K on September 17, 2014 at 12:17pm

Thanks for sharing Lynn <3

Comment by kim on September 17, 2014 at 8:09am

lynn, that was so beautiful. I cryed hard reading it, but when I lost my only child  the love of my life  shawn, I still want to die, I pray every night to go.  to many family and friends have hurt me through this, telling me to get over it. I have lost everything, careing, loving. I just want to be with shawn now.  hes my life, in my life and heart  I just don't care about anything or any one. I need my baby.      hugs to you    kim

Comment by Lynn Williams on September 17, 2014 at 7:58am

I read this yesterday on a grief web site and thought it says it all.

All the Days of My Life

Why do we want to follow our loved one? We have those still here who love us, who we love, yet our deepest desire, beyond having them back, is to follow them. Each day is a battle to live and a question to ourselves as to why we still do. It is not our love for others that hold us here though eventually, that may become the reason. At first, I felt no love, no caring for anything. It was not just numbness. It was as though someone had thrown a switch and it was all gone. I would look at my family and know that I loved them, but the emptiness consumed everything. The loss became more important then what had not been lost. Every moment became filled with what once was, memories taking over for new ones that would never be made. Life was centered around death.

I know that I became afraid to love anyone. Did you? Fear of losing another. Some did lose more than one, more than two. If my son could be gone so quickly, in the blink of an eye really, then what about the others? The possibilities were mind boggling and the imagination filled to the brim of what could happen. The imagination becomes the enemy. So much can go wrong in this world. So much had already gone wrong. Easier to pull back and not leave ourselves open for more agony. The human mind does not work that way though. You can't just decide not to love and it be a reality. We can fool ourselves into believing that we have lost the ability to care. We can tell ourselves that it is the mind numbing loss that leaves no room in our hearts for anything but the one we've lost. How hard we try to protect ourselves from hurting even more than we already do. Is it possible to hurt more than this? If we don't allow ourselves to get close out of fear, then yes, I think we can hurt more than this.

It took months to get a little beyond this fear. Oh, I still have it, but I can't let it rule my life. If I don't let myself be near those I love, I could lose them anyway. If I wait until they are gone to acknowledge how much they mean to me, then the pain of opportunities lost will rest on my shoulders. I will look back and all I will see is how I denied them, how they paid for my pain. If I leave before them, do I want them to remember me as so changed that there was no room for them in my heart? No. I want them to be in no doubt that they were loved. I want to be remembered for more than my sorrow.

I don't know why we dwell on being with our loved one. Maybe it is because, in life, we were there for them. If they needed us, all they had to do was call. Now, there is no cell to where they are. We don't know where they are or if they need us. We are tortured from the not knowing. If we could know, without any doubt, that they were happy, they were doing good, would we still want to follow? Or would we be a little okay with waiting until our time comes? Our minds go over this same ground as though it were a hamster on a wheel, forever going around and around with the same questions without answers. Even those with deep faith can have the same thoughts. It is not a sin or wrong to think this way. It is not a loss of faith. It is human, only human.

Comment by Lynn Williams on September 16, 2014 at 8:18pm
I am so sorry the police authorities were so cold to you after your son!s death. My family too could not see our daughter's body or locate where she was till 36 hours after she died in a car accident in Montana.
Comment by Connie K on September 16, 2014 at 3:39pm

Chelle - it took them from 8:30pm when they arrived at the crash site until 12:20am to come to my house! I guess they said they can't notify you without the coroner there and the coroner was too busy that night. What a horrific job that must be. I get their procedure but it just isn't right. It just isn't right that my son's body had to sit at that crash site for so long til the coroner arrived and I didn't know. I couldn't go to him. And that we had to wait not knowing where he was for so long. There must be a better way and then to be yelled at by an officer is just unacceptable.

Comment by Connie K on September 16, 2014 at 3:33pm

That's terrible Chelle. I also found out about the accident that killed my son on facebook before the police arrived that night. The post was from the older brother who had lent his car. He said his brother had totaled his car and had been taken for medical treatment. No mention of my son. Of course I went crazy because I had been trying to reach him for so long and started calling everyone I could to find out if he was alright and where they had been taken. I couldn't find them and just waited on my front porch. When the officer finally came 3 HOURS LATER I prayed he had my son in the car for some reason. Maybe, I thought , the other guys had let Daniel drive and he was okay but in trouble. Oh please let him be in the car, please let him be in the car!!!!! But then the coroner pulled up. Just recalling it makes me want to throw up. I am still so angry at that brother for his post. He and his brother who was driving and killed my child are so arrogant and unbelievably cold. the brother had the nerve to come to my house the next day and tell me to be strong. I wanted to slap him, I was so confused, so in shock but instead I invited him in, listened to him lie his way through their "story" . He didn't know there were witnesses though who saw the truth. His brother was charged with a felony manslaughter. Some people are so wrapped up in themselves they have so sense of right and wrong especially with social media.

Comment by Michelle H on September 16, 2014 at 11:14am
That was supposed to say Chelle. Predictive.text can be a pain.
Comment by Michelle H on September 16, 2014 at 11:12am
Challenge, it's hard to understand such callous indifference to a person's suffering and grief. I'm so sorry you had to experience such disregard from people who should know better!
Comment by kim on September 16, 2014 at 10:51am

chelle, im so very sorry. you have a right to be pissed. I lost my only child my son 10 months ago.  the pain is unreal. hope we can talk soon hugs and love to you   kim

 

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