Missing my Son or Daughter

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Missing my Son  or  Daughter

For all of us that are suffering the loss a son or daughter.

Members: 451
Latest Activity: Nov 3, 2022

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Please share your Story = the Loss of your Son or Daughter 467 Replies

Started by Kar. Last reply by Julie McKinney Jan 17, 2022.

STUPID things people say... " Vent Here " 182 Replies

Started by Kar. Last reply by Robert Matthews Mar 11, 2018.

Do you ever feel like your pain from the sadness of losing your child, only intensifies as times goes by? 163 Replies

Started by Karen R.. Last reply by Jacqueline Miller-Gartner Mar 17, 2022.

Lost Faith 58 Replies

Started by cindy parrott. Last reply by Dennis C. Jun 27, 2015.

The HOW ARE YOU dreaded Question ???? How do you answer??? 49 Replies

Started by Kar. Last reply by Robert Matthews Mar 11, 2018.

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Comment by Connie K on September 3, 2014 at 10:51am

And my heart goes out to you Jane <3.

This weekend is especially hard. 17 years ago I lost a baby at 5 months in my pregnancy. Her name was Emily Rose. For many many years I grieved this loss and blamed myself for going into the ocean while pregnant and I got caught by a big wave that took me under. I seemed okay then but started feeling sick as the week went on. When I got home from vacation and went to my regular doc appt, the baby had died. I never had support from this (except from my husband) Most people just said "it was meant to be, something was wrong,etc etc etc." No big deal to them. I was devastated and guilt ridden. I never knew there was a support group for something like this until I went to Compassionate Friends after Daniel passed.  I had to wait over the Labor Day weekend to have the procedure to remove the baby (she was way too far along for a D&C) so I carried her lifeless body for at least 10 days. It was a nightmare. The next year I had another miscarriage at 3 months and never conceived again. I always regretted that Daniel didn't have siblings and probably over compensated for that. Why do all my children die?  That day when I found out the baby had died, i wrote this poem. I found it when going through some journals I had been keeping of Daniel's life. I have never shared it with anyone. I just feel the need to acknowledge this loss with you all if you don't mind.

    My only retreat

    Is in my sleep

    But I'll wake up tomorrow

    With gut wrenching sorrow

    My body is a tomb

RIP my sweet Emily Rose. And now I know that Daniel is with his siblings.

Comment by Jane P on September 2, 2014 at 6:31pm

Anne, I am so sorry your friend has passed away. You must have been very close given the circumstances of your friendship. You were blessed to have her.

We are blessed to have you.

Thank you

I have not written here in a long time, but I read the wall every day.

I feel everything you say. The pain is overwhelming.

Today is my 21st month without my child. I miss her more each and every day.

I am also frozen and miserable.

This is a horrible and cruel act in life.

Danielle was my family, without her it's so empty.

I too pray for a short life.

I am still in a state of disbelief that something this awful could happen in life.

My heart goes out to all of you.

Comment by Linda on September 2, 2014 at 3:10pm

God's Lent Child

I'll lend you for a little while, a child of Mine, God said.
For you to love the while he lives, and mourn for when he's dead.
It may be six or seven years, or forty-two or three.
But will you, till I call him back, take care of him for Me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you, and should his stay be brief,
You'll always have his memories as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return.
But there are lessons taught below I want this child to learn.
I've looked the whole world over in My search for teachers true,
And from the folk that crowd life's lane, I have selected you.
Now, will you give him all your love, and not think the labor vain?
Nor hate Me when I come to call this lent child back again?
I answered to the Lord, Dear God, thy will be done.
For all the joys this child shall bring, the risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness, we'll love him while we may.
For all the happiness we'll know, we'll ever grateful stay.
So, should your angels call him back much sooner than we've planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes, and try to understand!
--AUTHOR UNKNOWN
Comment by anne on September 2, 2014 at 12:42pm

Thanks everyone. Sorry for yours too Connie. Dolly I'm glad your looking for ways to help yourself. Kim I really hope you don't mean it when you say you don't care about the rest of your family. I pray that that's just the grief talking. I have to look for light, even if it's just a glimmer, I'll take it. I did feel the same way you do, twice, but when I look into the eyes of the rest of my family I realized that their happiness is just as important as mine. As I travel this road I have learned that those I love that are still here are even more important than my own happiness. My husband has been in just as much pain as I have, and sharing the pain together is a process in its own, but I took vows, and I promised to love him through the good, and the bad. The more we share our pain the less the burden is for both of us. I'm sorry but leaving this world for my own benefit is not a memory I want to leave to those left here to deal with. There is help out there. There are therapists and counselors that are skilled and willing to help. We are all here willing to help. Try it before giving up. Take yourself out of the picture for just a moment and try to think about what Shawn would want you to do. All of us here have your back, and we are all willing to support you. Please take just a moment from your pain, and think about it. May moments of Peace find all of you today.

Comment by Connie K on September 2, 2014 at 10:54am

Ann - I am so sorry for your loss. Lynn - thank you for your kind words about my cousin - it is just so sad. I will send you a message.

Dolly - I've been thinking of you and am glad to hear from you. Thanks for sharing your link. I find comfort in uplifting writings and scriptures from many great spiritual books and teachers. It seems to be the only thing that helps me make sense of things.

Kim have you reached out to anyone for counseling?  I know you feel you are in the abyss but you have to try to reach out to those who love you even if you feel so hopeless. Love is greatest healer of all and is what will save you from the despair (at least long enough to catch your breath) Please feel free to contact me anytime.

To all _ I wish you some peace and sending love your way

Comment by Dolly on September 2, 2014 at 10:21am

been reading but not talking... seems I'm frozen inside ... sad for your loss Anne... for all of your losses .. all of you here.... I just don't know if I will ever feel alive again... I feel like I'm stumbling through the days half conscious most of the time... STILL... I am not going to lie and say I'm better... I'm DIFFERENT... but better? I don't know if I will ever be able to say I'm BETTER again.... I have started reading the daily devotionals at a site I found... and there is a teaching there about grief that touched me so I thought I'd share it... it is Biblical, and I know not everyone shares the same beliefs, but it tells it with humility and sincerity ...

http://www.refreshinghope.org/w/p/index.php/teachings/on-grief/

Comment by kim on September 2, 2014 at 7:07am

anne, im so sorry for you having another loss. I have ben reading all the letters and I do understand yours. you have a beautiful heart.  I just don't agree. im glad you are seeing a light in all this pain, but I never will. I just want and pray to die, to hold him again, to just hold him in my heart and try to live again is not enough for me.  my life is done, with out shawn there nothing left. as for family and my husband, I just don't care, I need shawn more then I need anyone. I do not want to live with out, I cant. shawn is and will always be the only love of my life. ill never be happy again till im with him, and I do hope its soon,my pain and tears will never ease up.  there is no light for me.  I wish you all the best, in life and hugs to everyone.   kim

Comment by anne on September 1, 2014 at 9:39pm

I guess this is how life works. My heart is heavy, and the tears are falling, but I will cherish her memory by helping others the way she helped me. She loved me when no one else wanted me. She stuck by me when everyone else walked away. She was patient, kind, and she loved life. I will be a bit lost without her, but I will survive, because I know that's what she expects me to do.

Comment by Michelle H on September 1, 2014 at 9:34pm
Anne, so very sorry for your loss.
Comment by Bern on September 1, 2014 at 9:00pm

I don't like my life without my son. It really hurts and has made me bitter and miserable.

 

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