Missing my Son or Daughter

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Missing my Son  or  Daughter

For all of us that are suffering the loss a son or daughter.

Members: 451
Latest Activity: Nov 3, 2022

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Please share your Story = the Loss of your Son or Daughter 467 Replies

Started by Kar. Last reply by Julie McKinney Jan 17, 2022.

STUPID things people say... " Vent Here " 182 Replies

Started by Kar. Last reply by Robert Matthews Mar 11, 2018.

Do you ever feel like your pain from the sadness of losing your child, only intensifies as times goes by? 163 Replies

Started by Karen R.. Last reply by Jacqueline Miller-Gartner Mar 17, 2022.

Lost Faith 58 Replies

Started by cindy parrott. Last reply by Dennis C. Jun 27, 2015.

The HOW ARE YOU dreaded Question ???? How do you answer??? 49 Replies

Started by Kar. Last reply by Robert Matthews Mar 11, 2018.

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Comment by Teresa D. on August 21, 2014 at 10:36am

Well put Lynn

Comment by Lynn Williams on August 21, 2014 at 10:35am

Dear Rachel & Chelle, Crying and ranting is one of the best things you can do. In the beginning I never stopped crying or screaming in the car, pulled over on the side of the road. It has been 12 months for me now and I still can't listen to music on the radio in the car because of tears. I don't think I will ever be able to listen to James Taylor again. I still cry everyday and give into it. The harder you try to not let it out the more anxious you can become. Seeing a grief counselor for about 10 months now and joining a mother's loss group has saved my sanity.

What ever it takes to move through the grief is what you should do. I never thought I would be able to go into a supermarket again during normal hours, but very gradually your intense emotions and loneliness begin to ease. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, living moment to moment and eventually you will start to alive again.  I know I will never be the same as I was before my daughter died, but I know my belief in an after-life has given me hope.  Seeing a medium and receiving validations of Kyra's continued presence was another path I chose to heal. Some might think this is crazy, but do I care, NO.  Go where you need to go for support. Love to you Lynn

Comment by Rachel on August 21, 2014 at 2:29am
Dear Friends, thank you so much for helping me today. "Thank you" for letting me know I CAN ACT SILLY. Hearing that comment today just weared on me all day. I had to fight the tears all day long at work. Needless, to say the tears did flow down my face no matter how hard I tried to stop them. However, as I was driving home at the end of the day and as I pulled into my driveway it just hit me like a ton of bricks and I just let go and "cried" for the first time. I must have stayed in my car crying for an hour. Apologizing to Amber for what happened to her and for not being there. And for all the mistakes I made as a young parent. (I had her when I was only 19.). But I did as we all have done what I thought was best at the time. And for all the things I should have done and didn't do. But now my fear is being realized. I can't stop crying and the realization is setting in. It's frightening. Especially being hear alone. I hate being alone but even more I hate the feeling of loneliness. The only thing that does bring some comfort is knowing "I have all of you." Thank you. My heart is full, love and hugs to all of you.
Comment by anne on August 20, 2014 at 5:49pm

Sorry Linda but reading this made me angry. Those words are crap. I don't as a rule reply anything negative, but those words tipped me over the edge. It's just not true. Death is life. God does not pick and choose who lives and who dies. If it were possible, God would save every child. Matthew 18:14 For it is not the will of our Father in heaven that the little ones should parish. I'm so upset that I hope I got that scripture number right. I know God can handle the blame when a child dies. I know this because I myself have put the blame on Him twice, but I don't think he'd be to pleased to hear that people think he does this to us on purpose. I apologize for offending anyone, but this poem just hurt me in my heart. I believe we are here to support, and share our pain. I have buried 2 of my children, and if I thought for a second that they died for the reasons stated in that writing I would not have the will or the want to live or to help anyone else.

Comment by Linda on August 20, 2014 at 12:43pm

I ask the very same question Kim. Why? Why my only child?! cry, cry and cry some more Kim. whatever your emotions are at any given moment just express them!  we deserve that much. 2 days ago marked the 6th month since losing my precious Desiree'. I wonder if i'll ever stop counting the day's, months, hours. 

Comment by kim on August 20, 2014 at 12:29pm

wow linda, I cryed and cryed reading that, so very sad, but I still feel he did not have to take my only child,  to leave me here dieing slowly, so mean hurtful. its not right. I will never ever forgive him. I only ask for him to stop my beating heart and take me to my son,  I cant live like this, to carry this pain is just not the way it should be. I need wshawn and I cant keep waiting .

Comment by Linda on August 20, 2014 at 12:22pm

I wanted to share the below message posted by a grieving mother over the loss of her daughter titled " When God Created Grieving Mothers".

It brought some peace in my heart...

Comment by Linda on August 20, 2014 at 12:20pm

One day God looked at His heaven while walking with a sad look on His face. He turned to an angel and said “there were too many adults in heaven. It is too serious and stuffy here.”

The angel replied “what do you mean?”

God told the angel “there was no laughter at the simple things, no child like faith in things unseen or childlike wonder as to why butterflies fly.”

The angel replied “how do you fix a problem like this?”

God hung His head and sadly announced “that babies, children and teens as well as young adults just in the prime of life needed to join everyone in heaven.”

The angel stood there shocked and finally asked, “How will you choose the ones to come home early?”

God said it was simple, “the ones who seem to be an angel on earth, the ones with gentle spirits with true love towards everyone they meet, the ones with a pure heart and absolute faith in God.”

The angel frowned when he asked “how will they be brought back to heaven again so quickly?”

God replied, “there are accidents, illnesses, just not able to survive for a long time and cancer; that can be the big one to take out kids of all ages.”

The angel feeling very sad asked “which mothers would get the special loaner children? Shouldn’t she know she will only have that child for a short time?”

“No,” God replied, “these mothers need to treat these kids like any other kids. Love and play with them but also discipline them, no different than normal kids. These kids don’t want to be wrapped in a bubble and kept safe, they want to experience life. But if a mom is looking with her heart, she might be able to see a hint of angels wings when her child is around.”

The angel asked “how do we choose what mothers to give up their babies?”

God said “I will choose this mother, that mother and these mothers over here. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she’llHeatherCollage handle it the best way she knows how. She will also have to have determination.”

“Determination?” questioned the angel, “is that a virtue?”

“Yes,” God said, “she will need it to survive the first few days after her child dies. The strength to continue each day in the light of her new changed life as ignorance, cruelty and prejudice comes raging all around her. Her will and determination will allow her to rise above such ignorant people. She will need the strength to stand alone, with a small group of mothers that understand. The loss of friends will be hard but the true, long-standing friends will understand and not try to change her.”

The angel beginning to understand smiles silently as God, hearing the unsaid statement assures the angel “yes I will be with her side by side every step of the way. Someday her reward will be rich for the ultimate sacrifice she gave…a beloved child.”

Comment by Connie K on August 20, 2014 at 12:00pm

It is so hurtful that those people who you love and thought loved you can say such cold things so matter-of-factly.  Like Teresa said, cry as much as you want to and don't worry about what anyone thinks. Rachelle - I can't BELIEVE someone said you are acting silly!!! Wow, I am sorry. After 19 months, I have found ways to cope better and some days I can get through with some normalcy but time seems to have stood still.  As people go on with their lives, never mentioning my son or for that matter not even asking how I am doing it really blows my mind.

It does make you feel so lonely. I will go out with some friends and hear all about what they are doing, what their kids are doing on and on. And I am genuinely glad to listen, even while feeling a little envy. But they never even ask what I'm doing or how I am doing. I guess they are scared to bring it up. I don't know. I just know that it hurts, multiplies my pain. I am proud of all of you here because you are all dealing with your loss in amazing ways even if it doesn't feel like it. Who else can I tell everything about how I feel to? I get up and cry and cry as I write this because I know you understand. If I go out and do this, people think I'm nuts or just unable to cope. I'm neither. I cope really well considering most the time I want to curl up and die. But they don't know how that feels or how hard it is just to get through our daily lives. One thing I have learned from  them is how to be more compassionate and how NOT to treat those who are grief. Love and prayers to all of you. I'm going to try to get myself together and go out into the world. Thanks for being here.

Comment by kim on August 20, 2014 at 11:26am

linda yes she will give you a sign, I have had them from my son. I know hes telling me hes here with me,  first it was his smell, then a light touch on my arm, I felt him sit on my bed to.  I know he will never leave me. you ae getting signs, hugs  kim

 

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