Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
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Started by Kar. Last reply by Robert Matthews Mar 11, 2018.
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Started by Kar. Last reply by Robert Matthews Mar 11, 2018.
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so I feel that no one identifies with me...yes"
i'm no good. I should be the one dead. i'm reckless and without abandon. daily I ask God to forgive me of my transgressions. I think I had an "ahah" moment. God only takes you when your soul is pure as he did with my Desiree'. I'm polluted. I take meds now to make me sleep and I drink well beyond my capacity just so I don't think about things. like the death of my only child. I'm a waist of skin so to speak. I loath myself. if the truth be know I should have died so many times before. I should have been the one to die in an auto accident. I've come so close to doing so while drunk off my ass. thank you Jesus for being certain that if that should have happened it would have been a one car accident. the pity of it is that my only child died just that way. the way I should have died so many time before. was it poetic justice? No. I don't blame God for any of this. He gives us the "wheel" so to speak but trust me when I tell you, we are the drivers. This site is yet another example of God's great glory. I can vent and say EXACTLY what I feel and why without being judgement. Family. As much as they love me have no idea of the torment i'm going thru. 4 months. 4 months. I can't wait till (God willing) I can say " I lost my daughter 1-2 years" ago.
Linda, yes, I sincerely believe that Desiree was showing you she's with you. I have had some unexplainable experiences that I know are from my son, Chris. Cherish those moments; they're precious.
the other day I was sitting at the computer in our home, I was alone, we have levolor blinds in our family room. The blinds beside and to the near left of me in the middle fluttered as if someone passed their hand through them. It was the middle of the day. The first words out of my mouth was my daughters name. To this day I truly believe she was with me that day and wanted me to know she was with me. Curious. I haven't had an experience of this kind since smelling her perfume while in the park with my grandson days after her death. No matter where I went in the park her perfume was all about me. No one other than my grandson and myself were in the park at the time. My Desiree' has been gone now for 4 months. I don't know what to think. Is this possible? I haven't shared this with my husband. We have our own ways of dealing with the loss. She was my only and at my age of 54 there will never be another. ..
im so very sorry chelle. I know your heart is broken like mine. I was with my son shawn, I screamed so much for him not to leave me. I died that day to. I just wish I could go now with him. I wish I could have given him my heart, but now mines so empty and dead. hugs to you love kim
I agree linda, we go first not our children, that's the unbearable pain. I sleep with shawns clothes and I can smell him every night. I hold it so tight no one can get it out of my arms. I pray every night hes holding on to me .I died that day to with my shawn, now I just wait to go with him, and it better be soon, I cant wait forever I wont. hugs linda
I miss my daughters physical being. To be able to hold her, smell her, talk with her. It's the unknown that disturbs me as well. I should have gone before her to know what is in store once we pass on. To know what it is like to die and to know what she's experiencing. This troubles me. As a parent it's part of our job to have knowledge of what lies ahead. I wasn't able to do that for Desiree'. I love you Boog. Mama will always love you.
Melissa, very early on in this journey I came across Carol Kearn's website. She is a grief counselor who was mentored under Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. She also lost her daughter, Krissie. I found her writings to be very helpful. She has also written many articles for Compassionate Friends.
Wishing you peace and everyone on this thread as well.
I haven't been here for quite a while, but I look in now and then to see how it's going. I haven't been able to talk about losing my only son since his death the morning of New Years Eve, 2012. He was my first born. His death deflated me. I am still broken, and I am still having trouble keeping it together. I still have days when the pain is so bad I can hardly move. His wife had him cremated, then kept his ashes-leaving our family with nowhere to grieve, and no memorial for him at all. She went crazy and ended up remarrying less than a year after his death-then had a baby right after!!!! She got married in October (Two weeks before her anniversary with my son) then gave birth a couple of months later. We figured out that she was pregnant with her new husband's child within four months of my son's death!!! It only made it all so much more horrible. I told her how we all felt about it, and she cut all ties with us, and with his little girl AND his ashes. I have his daughter with me, she's 16 now. My son was only 38-died with the widowmaker (clot in a main heart artery which effectively stopped the bloodflow into his heart. She was an LPN. She had a blood pressure cuff and stethiscope with her all the time. I said he needed to be checked by a cardiologist some six years before his death- the consistantly until he died. She made fun of me. She said there was absolutely NOTHING wrong with his heart-that she was a nurse, she would know. He had a hypertensive heart-untreated high blood pressure. I lost him because he listened to her. She let him die. Then she went out having sex and got herself pregnant within a few months after-like some out of control teenager. I am soooo bitter and angry!!! She acts like my son was nothing-just go right out and get a replacement for him. My son died busting his butt for her. He bought her a new home that was more than they could afford. He worked day and night to keep her happy-while she lied on the kids he had custody of from his first marriage saying they were treating her bad until he brought them to me. She took every penny he made and didn't even let him access the account his check went into!!! He carried a louzy $300 credit card he could use for gas and food. His kids from his first marriage did without, while hers lived in luxury. She kept him from visiting them, or any of us-ranting like a crazy person. So, he called us all a lot. We loved him so!!! Even though his first wife cheated on him, she never kept him from us, and we had him with us every holiday. But when he married the second one, we never had another family gathering with him on any holiday. She was evil and heartless and cruel, and I hope she gets in this new marriage all that she gave my son in their marriage. My son's insurance nearly paid off the big fancy home she wanted-and her new husband knocked her up, married her, and moved into the place my son worked and died trying to pay for. my bitterness is deep, and I know it isn't Christian-but I can't forgive her yet. I just hurt for my son so bad, and I just can't get over it. My heart goes out to all of you who are so broken like I am. I know your pain, your sleepless nights, your hopelessness, your alienation of the world around you, your guilt, your fervent prayers for peace in your heart and soul. I am with you. I understand.
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