Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
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Thank you Linda. I am praying for you in your effort to keep your grandchildren. I hope it all works out for the best for everyone. hugs
Gale it is a hard process. You want to hold onto everything. I had no cloice but to clean out Michael's apartment now I have a cabinet full of random things that I will probably never part with.
Michael loved his jersey's. He had many and they were all in my closet weighing down the bar. I didn't want to pack them away but I couldn't handle seeing them. One day I pulled them out, laid them on the bed and just laid in them and cried. My daughter came up with the idea of having them turned into quilts. I couldn't watch her take them or cut them but when she gave me the quilt I loved it.
I think we all have to do it when were ready and part with what we can. Somethings no matter how silly I'm just not giving up.
Thank you Vasanthi for your understamding
I could only do baby steps giving away some of her lovely things. as it turned out her cousin was and is as delicate and gracious as my Boog (the nickname I gave to her cause during my pregnancy I loved to dance). Tiff her cousin would ask me repeatedly if I'm ok. As I cried and laughed at the same seeming time I thanked her for being so thoughtful as to help me thru this. The only reason I was able to part with Desiree's things was the knowledge that Tiff would love and cherish the items as my precious baby would have. As the day has passed I cry and cry but I know that Desiree' is now wearing the most beautiful of wonderful things only God can provide. This is my comfort. This is my peace....Hug's Gale and kisses from someone who knows the impossible pain from a recent loss, Desiree' has only gone home 3 months ago. She was my only child. My every breath. My every reason for living....
Linda, it has only been a month and a half since I lost my only child Michael. I am not ready at all to give his things away. I was wondering if you or anyone else could tell me when you felt like it was time to do so. Thanks so much - so heartbroken.......
Teresa, thank you and when your aunt said that to you it made me feel good for a moment, as for your cousin I think I would have fainted. I know we need to ignore some things but from my sister it hurts bad. there are times when I just want to slap peoples face, all you have to do is look at me, swollen eyes always trying to hold back my tears when I go out.and most of all wanting to die everyday. to much pain for one person to handle. thank you Teresa hugs kim
No, those are the things people have said to me while trying to comfort me. Just like when it was said to you "time will heal" The point is we have to ignore some of the things people say because while they mean well they don't know these things are hurtful and do not help our grieving.
Went to my Aunt's 80th surprise party last night. She lost her son over 30 years ago. She said to me, "I'm watching you and your doing good. I know everybody expects you to be okay but we know your forever different, but your doing good". That meant so much to me.
Then about 30 minutes later one of my cousins came up to me and asked, "Where's Michael?" My face said it all and she quickly apologized. I know she didn't mean to upset me, she just simply forgot.
terea, am I the kim you are talking to? because I do not have a daughter and my sons name is shawn. just asking ok thank you hugs kim
Michael lived in a rented apartment so I had no choice but to clean his things out quickly. I did bring home a cabinet full of random things, one of them being the last piece of paper he wrote on.
Having his jersey's turned into quilts was a process. For me everything is a process now.
I have been very lucky to have very supportive family and friends.
However, Kim that doesn't mean they don't sometimes say insensitive things without realizing it. "Michael wouldn't want you to cry" Time will heal the wound" "you still have your daughter". You and I know all this is stupid to say but because they are not walking in our shoes they have no clue and we have to try and let these things go. I know how you feel cause I use to get mad at them now I just smile and ignore it.
We will never say these things to you Kim cause we do know. I didn't understand when others would say you will learn to manage it but now I think I am starting to understand that.
The pain is there, the tears are ready but I'm in a place now where it is very personal to me. I save those moments for myself. If that makes sense.
Linda,
I pray that you find the strength and courage to manage the parting of your daughter's belongings. It is yet another step in the long journey of grief. Hugs
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