Comment

Comment by Ammy on December 7, 2013 at 12:57pm

Connie. the poem is beautiful and very special.  I'm happy that you found it and I hope it has given you some comfort.  Hugs.

Comment by Ammy on December 7, 2013 at 12:52pm

Anne, I'm so sorry about your family's behavior.  I can only say it is a lack of personal knowledge.  A knowledge we wish on no one.  Let go and let God comfort you.  You are amazing and you will overcome this just as you have overcome so much.  Sending my heartfelt gratitude for all you do for this group.  Hugs XO

Comment by Karen R. on December 7, 2013 at 11:08am

Anne, all I can do is send you some EXTRA hugs....so sorry.

Comment by Teresa D. on December 7, 2013 at 11:06am

Just one more thing and I'm done.  I went to the store to get a white candle for tomorrow.  The Christmas music was playing, people were shopping and being a little nicer than usual, the decorations were out and the trees were up.  All this going on around me while I stood in an isle picking out a white candle to burn for my deceased son! THIS SUCKS!

Comment by Teresa D. on December 7, 2013 at 11:02am

Connie, the poem is perfect.  It's like he left you a note, what a gift to receive. 

Comment by Teresa D. on December 7, 2013 at 10:57am

OMG! Anne, your sons are much more important. 

I have experienced the passing of my grandparents, friends, aunts/uncles, cousins and pets but NOTHING compares to the pain I feel with Michael's passing.  Eventually I was able to accept their passing's, with my son it has been over a year and I am in such a state of grief and I know I will NEVER be able to accept this.

Yet one friend compare the break-up with her boyfriend to my son's passing, I have my mother who won't acknowledge, and others who want to tell me about other loses in their life.  Until you wear these shoes you have no idea how tight and painful they are.

I don't understand how they could be so insensitive but maybe it is time for you to find out.  I finally confronted my own mother.  For the first time she actually hugged me.  I felt like a 5 year old.  I still don't expect much but I felt so much better letting it out. 

Do you really have anything to lose? 

Not in anyone's defense but I was one of those ignorant people.  Years ago when my friend lost her son, I was right there for her doing everything I could.  But I also said things to her like "he wouldn't want you to cry" and "He'd want you to go out and be happy"  As soon as Michael passed she called me and the first thing I said to her was "I'm sorry" I had to tell her I was so sorry for all the ignorant things I said to her because I had no clue.  I had to apologize for trying to push her back to life.  I guess because of this I have been able to tolerate some of the things said to me now by others.  Don't get me wrong I still get mad but I try not to show it or respond to it. 

I hate seeing us all here and would wave the magic wand for us all if I had one, but we all know none of us can do that.  I appreciate you Anne, you have experienced this pain not once but twice, yet you come on here and you share with us and I know you encourage me.  I am so sorry for your family's response.  But again maybe for yourself it is time to confront them.

Comment by Lynn Williams on December 7, 2013 at 9:28am

Anne I am so sorry your family said and made such cruel comments to you.  Some people are very fortunate to have parents and siblings that are a comfort and support us unconditionally.   I like you never had a mother who was able to be there for me.  When ever I had good news to share, she always knocked me down.   I can only talk to her on the phone a couple of times a month since Kyra died.  She is unable to comfort me or really understand what I am going through.

I did learn from my experience with her how to be a loving mother to my own children, to give them unconditional love and always be there for them.  This was my life's lesson to be the parent I always wished I had. Sending hugs and kindness Lynn

Comment by Karen R. on December 7, 2013 at 8:36am

Hello to all, just checking in as I read the postings. As always, my heart is with you all.

Comment by Karen R. on December 7, 2013 at 8:35am

Connie, all I can say is wow about that poem. I agree, it must have been meant for you to find that. Hugs.

Comment by Vasanthi S on December 7, 2013 at 7:16am

Anne,

I am so sorry that you had to experience this.I have tried telling people who compare losses that losing a child is the worst pain ever, it goes deep. it is primal, it hits at the root of life, the creative aspect of it..now I have stopped because I felt it gets competitive..people want to feel that their loss is the worst and I am not playing that game simply because what we lose is personal and so unique ...Like Dawn-O said , it is not the natural order of things and so we question as to why did something happen which isnt in the natural order? Deep within I feel that they are very evolved souls who decide to come for a while and light up the lives of the ones they deeply love.. having done so we will never ever be alone again because they are only a heartbeat away and have given us the treasure of a personal love...Man and his pets too have very special bonds..pets teach us about unconditional love.. that word is much touted and misunderstood.. we can try to accommodate the experience people have with their pets and acknowledge that that loss also is a painful one..in accomodating I feel I lose the urge to fight and convey how deep my wounds run..in accomodating I feel love is all inclusive of its many forms..its a difficult fight within myself but I plan on continuing with feelings which enlarge rather than diminish me..love to all xoxoxox..am always here n reading what u write.

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