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Comment by Muuna on June 24, 2013 at 2:44pm

Two days after my mum died my friend called me and I (naturally) was in tears and he says "Hmm..(disapprovingly) you're still crying Muuna?". I was so surprised by his lack of every appropriate human emotion at such a time. I mean my mother is gone!I honestly resent him for that question. What was he expecting i'd be doing.

Comment by Jeff R on June 24, 2013 at 2:26pm

I honestly think people don't intend to be hurtful, but there is a lack of appreciation for how difficult this kind of loss can be (unless they have experienced it). My colleague at work just went thru this as well, losing both parents within a year,  so we can compare notes and talk about how lousy it is....but most others are like "oh, she was old, sick, [whatever]--haven't you moved on?"

Comment by Emily on June 24, 2013 at 2:24pm

Yes, that is a very helpful quote thank you. It seems people react to grief differently, I had a stranger tell me I needed time to "heal", this person says she has lost both parents. I didn't tell her this but I will never "heal" completely and actually didn't find her comment helpful.

Comment by Amanda on June 24, 2013 at 1:01pm

Cynthia, about two months ago I came across an excellent quote. All of us here are now on a path that everyone will one day be on...we're just here earlier than expected. So many people who have never lost a parent, let alone a mother, simply don't know how to relate to us in our pain and grief. They try their best, but they just don't get it. They will one day, though. I try to keep this in mind when dealing with family and friends who are coming across as thoughtless and hurtful.

Comment by Martha on June 24, 2013 at 12:41pm

Cynthia: Jeff is 100% right. Now you know, whenever you feel like expressing your feelings write them in this forum, or CHAT about them. Most people do not have the sensitivity as those that have actually gone thru this devastating experience. It is over a year for me, and I am not by any means "over it". We are here for you, and at this point we are more of a family with this shared bond. It happens to most of us.

We are here for you!

 

 

Comment by Jeff R on June 24, 2013 at 11:25am

Cynthia:  Six weeks?  Six months, maybe.  People who have not experienced this don't get it.  I was still a basket case at the 1 month mark...but, as you say, some people think you should just "get over it".  I guess I am just not that detached or pragmatic about death.  I knew my Mom's time was limited at best, but her passing was sudden and unexpected. No matter what rationalizations you make, it's still a big loss.

Comment by Sandra Nichols on June 24, 2013 at 9:22am

I forgot to add one other thing. I feel like all of you are "my People" and everyone else in the world is just on another level somewhere else. Just as i feel like the cancer patients and their family members that would come in daily/weekly are also "my people" I saw so much love in that cancer center between family members. It was beautiful in the midst of all of that pain. Their priorities were my priorities. I have basically lost myself. I am a different person now and struggling with the new me. Some people I have nothing in common with anymore .  

Comment by Sandra Nichols on June 24, 2013 at 9:07am

It has been 1 1/2 years since my mom has died. Sometimes I feel so very very sad that I can't function. I think of her little bald head from the damn chemo and it makes me upset. I am tearing up just writing that. Then other times I can laugh and think of fun we had in the past. I will never be the same. I talk out loud to her and hope she can hear me. I want to be with her. I still hurt badly and cannot talk to people that have not had deep losses. My aunt said some things yesterday - aunt by marriage.. that my mom passed too early. That comment upset me again.. I wish people were more careful in what they say.. i dont know if that comment was meant to be kind or what.

sigh.

Comment by Cindy C on June 24, 2013 at 6:44am

Hi Martha. My mom. was also a woman of great strength. Her father raised her with help of her aunts. Her mom passed after childbirth. I thanked her in my message at the funeral service for giving me her strength. Some days, however, I feel anything but strong right now. I totally agree with you..... the greater the love, the greater the loss. Know that we all care and let us help be your strength. Taking it one day at a time...Hope today is a good day for all of us.

Comment by Jayne on June 23, 2013 at 10:25pm

Hi Kristen,

My beautiful mom passed away 10 months ago and it feels like yesterday. We were the best of friends. I can relate to you in many ways. My mom is always with me, in my dreams, in day to day things I know that she is with me. I still can't accept that she is no longer physically here. A lot of people do say that things happen for a reason and honestly I cannot see the reason my mom was taken away. I cannot see it getting better, it is different but I would not say better. It helps to talk to others who are going through this. If you want to talk that would be nice. Jayne

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