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Comment by Vasanthi S on June 23, 2013 at 10:57am

Echoing all the sentiments felt here. Today is exactly one and a half years since Shreyas , my son, isn't here in the physical body.

Teresa , please do not ever feel alone.. you are not.I know the feeling of unreality we have so well, questioning whether we are really here and writing this, the feeling of not being able to cognise the time gone by.. feels like yesterday and feels like a million years ago, the wanting and longing to have a deeply loved one within reach, the inability to comprehend.... but above all what is coming through is so amazing , the trust and faith that God is taking care of it all , the tremendous faith also given to those who are hurting so much by those who are feeling strong for the day. I am so honored to be a part of the group here. Love to all. 

Comment by Teresa D. on June 23, 2013 at 9:59am

I'm too scared to lose my faith.  To me to do that is telling myself my Michael is not in heaven.  I need to believe that God would not allow my Michael to be anywhere else.  I also have to believe that God will carry me through this.  Some parts of this feel very confusing but I have to keep my faith.  I ask my father everyday who is also in heaven to take care of my Michael until I get there.  I need to believe my Michael can hear me and feel me.  When I drive alone I tend to cry a lot, but I always ask my Michael to hold my hand.  I need to believe he is.

Comment by anne on June 22, 2013 at 8:43pm

Dear Marilyn, most men are like that in this situation. In my experience with my husband, he just holds it all in. He tells me nothing about what he hears away from home. Then the day comes when I have to pry it out of him. Its usually not very pretty, but if I don't i'm afraid he will explode. My husband will talk about the boys, but I have to bring it up. After all this time I have learned when he needs to spill. Sometimes I can take it and others I just cry along with him. I do know they hurt too. They are dad and desperate just like us. It's just harder for them to speak about it, and they don't like to be thought of as not strong. I think Dads need time and patience the same as Moms. It is very difficult. Sometimes I have wondered why don't he seem to feel as bad as I do? Then I learned after a period of time that he does hurt like me, and we need to be in this together. As far as the God thing goes, nobody really knows the answers. I think if God could stop this he would, but the whole free will thing gets in the way. I wish I had an answer for you and me. Peace to you

Comment by anne on June 22, 2013 at 5:18pm

I just wanted to say about the feeling like it just happened yesterday. I still feel that. Not as often, but there are times when my heart feels it all. All I can do is my best to get through it. Oh I write too. I got a feeling I will always have those days for the rest of my life. I just hope there are still nice people like you who understand and do not judge.

Comment by anne on June 22, 2013 at 5:12pm

Now this is just my opinion, and I too have wondered all these questions. I just died inside thinking God did this. Then one day when I was very down like all of you, I just screamed at God. I told him to piss up a rope! I did this in front of my mother who is a devout Catholic, and she said I was going to hell. I told her I'm already in hell. After I got some time under my belt I started to look for the answers. Needless to say I didn't find a one. I  finally opened a bible and there it was. Matthew 18:14 So it is NOT the will of my father who is in heaven that the little ones parish. I have thought for a very long time and the only thing I concluded is this, what would be the worse thing that could happen to a mother to take her away from God. Who wants to take away your faith and soul so much that they would do something so evil. My answer is always the same. I hate to even speak or write his name. So even though I still get angry, and I still have some loud chats with God, my heart knows that he did not do this to me. I cannot believe in a God that would do this to me not once but twice. This is just my way of thinking, and how I have learned to cope. Whats right for one might not be right others. Peace and love to all.

Comment by Vasanthi S on June 22, 2013 at 10:54am

Praying for all here to somehow be ok.

Comment by Michelle H on June 21, 2013 at 8:39pm

Three months ago today my son passed away. How can it seem both like yesterday and a hundred years ago?

Comment by anne on June 21, 2013 at 2:49pm

We have all felt this way at one time or another. I still get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach even today. Yesterday I went to the drug store and the lady behind the counter spoke to me about the little boy that was from the neighbor hood that was killed last week. She then proceeded to tell me how she always remember the day my little boy died. What do you do? I don't like to be rude, and they all expect me to be over it by now. Well guess what? I'm not. I never will be. It's part of what we have to live with. Sure I deal with it, and I live with it every day, but i'm pretty sure that it will never go away. The good thing is most of time I get through these sorts of things, and I feel better about my self because I held my cool and politely said good bye! It may not seem like much to those who haven't walked in my shoes, but to me it's a big deal! So don't get discouraged. Some days we can take it and some days we cant. That's just the way it's going to be whether we like it or not. A person does get better at it as time goes by, but people cant expect us to be able to hold it all in all the time. If they cant handle it well then you know that those are not the people you want to be around when your blue. Over the years I have learned who I can go to in a good mood and who to stay away from when i'm feeling terrible. Sad to say that there are only 2 people I can go to when the pain and sadness come upon me and one of those I have to pay to listen! I still have a ache in my stomach over the little boy who was killed last week. This was the first accident where  a child was killed since my little boy 15 years ago. Flashbacks suck, but I think God helps me get past it. I don't always listen, but when I do it's always a good thing!. Hugs to all of you!

Comment by Michelle H on June 21, 2013 at 9:51am

Mary, praying for you and everyone else who's having an especially difficult day today.

Comment by Vasanthi S on June 19, 2013 at 10:47pm

and may the peace permeate all of you here and to those who suffer the horrific.

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