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Comment by Karen R. on May 16, 2013 at 7:58pm

Hello, I was also want to offer condolences to all the new moms to this group. My heart hurts with yours, my tears are flowing, this is all too much. When you feel like it, maybe you can read through some of the postings and profiles to see that you are not alone here. I am still suffering from the loss of my 21 yr old son....my baby. I am sending my love and hugs to all.

Comment by Bern on May 16, 2013 at 7:53pm

Hi Michele Blevins,

I truly understand your pain. I live in Mobile Alabama. I have lost my only son 7months ago. He was shot. He was with people that he should not have been with. I was fighting for my job before he died. Now, imagine my pain. It has double. Everyone still moving on. I took a job working in a food truck/then security company just to keep busy. I earned 2 Master's Degrees and can't find a Job. I did not have insurance on my son. So that will not help me. My point is I just want to live for my 2 daughter's now. So I am shame I can't provide for my family but I hear my son telling me as I scream his name, crying snotty tears..."Mama, please stop crying..." He only saw me once drop a tear. He did not like it at all. You know those boys...Michele.

Comment by Victoria friend on May 16, 2013 at 7:43pm

I was so blessed August 1,2012 with any amazing son!! Logan Thomas, the next few months were very close to perfect. On jan 31 at 5 am my whole world ended...Logan didn't wake up..1 day shy of 6 months old! Now my heart is broken and every day I'm lucky not to cry more then 5 times! Last night I dreamt I was holding him...of course I woke up and he wasn't there! I wake up every morning thinking maybe ill be happy today...I carry his blankie with me everyday and every where I go..at least I have some part of him with me.

Comment by Ammy on May 16, 2013 at 1:12pm

Hello, I want to say how sorry I am to all our new moms on here.  Sorry is just a word, but we that are here really know the meaning.  We have been where you are and we are still on this new road in life.

I just have to say that I agree with Grace.  I am going on 3 years, and yes, there are some good days.  I have said this before on here because I too see just the pain most of the time.  We can all relate to what each person is going through, but I think it's helpful to hear something positive too.   Don't look ahead, just stay in the day and do what you need to do and one day you will feel a little better. It takes awhile, but hopefully it will come. 

The hurt, crying, and longing will come back, but it won't be as constant.  When I'm going through these times (as I have been the last 2 weeks)  I just tell myself that I'm under construction again right now.  I've developed another pothole on this road we are travelling and I just have to wait until the 'time healing crew' fixes it.  Just as most roads develop these potholes we will too.  In the beginning they are more like sinkholes, but they gradually shrink.  This has been my experience.  Hopefully, yours will be even better.

Please don't give up.  I too have not wanted to go on.  I couldn't understand why it couldn't have been me instead of him.  I was angry with God.  I was angry with almost everyone, including myself.  I have been able to let that go most of time and I am moving forward slowly.  So, don't give up.  Reach out for help if you have to.

Sending blessings & love to all.  ♥

Comment by Grace on May 16, 2013 at 12:05pm

Hi Ladies...  It has been 4 years.... my son was 14 and had Autism... Our family revolved around him and his special needs.... I still cry big snotty sobs..... But there are good days too.... For those of you who are new to this pain,  I know the feelings you share about not caring if you live or die... I have felt this too.... still do somedays still....BUT I also have days that are good.    Please grab on to the hope that there will be Light at the end of the tunnel.... but it is a long tunnel....I am writing because sometimes we only hear the pain on this site.... but You will also have good days to come.... You will never forget your child and you will always have tears...but you will also have happy memories to cherish.  Hang in there.

Comment by William Fielding on May 16, 2013 at 12:02pm

Shelley please don't give up on life, your son lives on through you. I am sorry for your loss and may God Bless You.

Comment by Shelley on May 16, 2013 at 11:11am

Michele, I lost my only son who happens to be my only child and I feel so very alone. I know the struggle you are facing. My son was 23, he died this past January. I never knew I could miss anyone as much as I miss him. I'm all alone now too. I don't care whether I live or die really. I am ready yo go be with him. I miss him so bad.

Comment by Michele Blevins on May 16, 2013 at 10:03am

i lost my son feb 17,2013. I'm on depressing meds and aniexty meds. I'm so tired all the time. I have no energy for anything. Life sucks without my son here. I was admitted to a behavioral hospital for a week. Because I didnt want to go on. I have 2 daughters and i know i have to be there for them. I know everyone says you wont feel this way forever. But I don't see how i won't. I loss my only son and he was the baby. He was 20 when he passed. I'm so mad at him for leaving me here. It's a struggle everyday.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on May 16, 2013 at 2:09am

Vasanthi
I'm sorry. I lost my son August 17, 2011. He was my very best friend. I cry every day. I understand the pain.

Comment by Vasanthi S on May 16, 2013 at 1:46am

Hi its very painful. I lost my only son, Shreyas in a road accident in Dubai..( dec23rd,2011) He was working there and 6 of them stepped out for lunch. On the way back their SUV skidded and turned turtle about 4 times.. The shock and the pain don't leave me. We were very close and would chat everyday though I am in India and he was in Dubai. He would come online sometimes just to show me that he was having a proper b'fast etc, so I would grin and watch.He was 27, marvelous  very intelligent, kind and so humorous. I still expect him to come walking through the door and smiling that quiet smile, so full of love. I'm trying to be brave, and send him my love about a 1000 times a day.I was working in a school as the vice principal and continued for a year after that. It all became too much and I took a break since Jan. Will have to join work soon I know. My parents live next door but nothing seems to be ok at all.I miss Shreyas so much, I keep talking to him in my head ( his nick name was Micky...he used to say I'm Micky . w/o the 'e') I feel for all of you who have lost their child.My prayers are with you all.

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