Hi Jeremy,
Oh my... I read your wall and I can't belive it. I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know know it feel to have someone telling you they are dying and to die in front of me. I'm so sorry. as for your gf, that I would want it is to loss that special person in your life. My bf was planning to ask me to marry him this year, from what he told him family and they tells me this after he pass away. I go to the cemetery and when I leave I can't stop crying and vomiting. Yet I can't not go. I understand you want question. me I try reading the bible but I got furious. Why him. Why was I not in the car at that time. Why now. I decided to join a church discussion group at the church my boyfriend went to talk and to try to understand why he had to die. I also speak to the church 3 times a week or 4times a week if they are free about my feelings when I'm totally overwhelm and of course a psychologist, plus a doctor. Yet that Friday night that he died ( and every Friday since I heard he died)I keep replaying that last night in my head of what I could have done differently or have said something differently. The weekend is hard. satursday is bad since that is when I found out my bf died by his father telling me that it's my fault he was dead. Those words will never leave my head. No matter how many times I'm told it's not my fault, even with me trying to believe it, it will haunt me for the rest of my life. I even had the police call me to tell me that the parents are grieving and it's not my fault. So I understand your grieve. I don't think we will ever understand why till it's our time but to try to understand enough to contiune living, that is what I'm trying to do. To put one foot in front of the other without falling down and screaming my head off.