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Permalink Reply by anna l. on January 22, 2013 at 4:12am

Renee, unfortunately this is very normal.  The grief will come on stronger at times, ease a little at times.  I liken it to a rollercoaster ride from hell.  It has been nearly 3 years since my son died, and a year and a half since my husband and it is calmer now.  You will just have to ride this out knowing it will get calmer for you too in time.  It is a very hard place to be and I wish none of us ever had to face it.  Hugs of understanding.

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Permalink Reply by renee collier on January 22, 2013 at 11:13am

Thank You Anna.  I am sorry for your loss. and thank you for your words they are helpful.  Your right it is a rollercoaster.  there are times I think I am doing better and bam i step back.

Thanks agian

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Permalink Reply by Stacey Chambers on January 23, 2013 at 5:00pm

I think it sounds fairly normal.  I lost my husband of nearly 20 years in September 2012 and some days I feel like someone reached into my heart and ripped it in half.  It is a physical/emotional/psychological/spiritual pain like none other.  I lost my father in 1993, a brother in 2004, and a sister in 2011, and none of those prepared me for this. It was sudden, unexpected, and violent.  Sometimes my reactions and feelings are the same way, and other times the pain seeps into my soul and I ache with missing him. It feels like being punched in the stomach some days, and these are usually when I have had a particularly stressful work day.  I try to keep my chin up, put on a smile,etc.  People tell me how "strong" I am.  Baloney!  I am a puddle of sad insecurity and fear most days, I just wait till I get off work to let it out.  I feel for you, and will send thoughts of comfort and peace from me to you.

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Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on January 22, 2013 at 3:00pm

my mum feasl te same sum days r ok but sum days r like anna l says its lkie a rollercoster i no sum times its feal so worse wen u get som 1 tell us to get over it or its easy like i got told i shud of got over it the day my dad died wish u cant  the 1  person whu wud of help us with our grief wud of bean my cuzen steve o but his not hear an mre he died over 10 yrs ago or more my dad loved him like a son and my mum loved him liked a 2nd son we just feal so low lately wit hte 1st yr anversy comin up in march sory if iv saed the wong thng

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Permalink Reply by renee collier on January 22, 2013 at 3:16pm

jb. thank you for responding. Don't worry you did not say the wrong thing. I find all the words that people say on this site helpful.  It helps me get outside of my own pain and to know that I am not alone with this grief.  I am sorry for your losses. I can relate to wanting to talk to or lean on a loved one but they are gone.

Take care

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Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on January 23, 2013 at 4:01pm

sory for yore loss 2 yesterday i thort i woz going crazy i thort i heard my dad say my name wish mad me jump thnking iv bean dreaming and he is still hear thn i come to my senses thnging im going crazy or turning in to some crazy nut case coz a few times iv sean him warking round the house or seaing him sit in the chair but i thngs its part of the brevement thng 

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Permalink Reply by renee collier on January 29, 2013 at 2:14am

Jb,  Well the positive thing is that it is normal and we are not going crazy.  I think wow,one day I will be gone and my loved ones will feel the grief for me. This is so hard but at least we can come on this site to talk and get support. Just think of the days before internet.

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Permalink Reply by Christine Leakey on January 24, 2013 at 7:37am

Renee, I feel it must be normal because I feel it too. I also think that everyone grieves in their own way. I, too, have days where I feel like I'm totally fine. Like nothing at all has happened. But then something (anything, really) makes me think about my sister and I want to call her but she won't be there. I also have those horrible days where I feel sick to my stomach and just kind of dazed. I don't know how long all these emotions I have will last, I can only hope that with time I become better able to cope with them. Death is a horrible thing for the living to go through. We have to pick up the pieces and keep going all while having these intensely painful emotions to carry with us. I have only been a member of this support group for a very short time (my sister was murdered on Dec. 20) so everything is still kind of 'foggy' and very raw for me but this site has helped me a lot. Telling others who understand the pain I feel and not feeling like I am a burden to them has helped me tremendously. Blogging on here has helped as well. Before I kept all these emotions inside because I felt like I had to be strong and I felt that if my family knew how much I'm hurting then it would hurt them that much more. I still am not able to talk to them about my grief but I have a healthy outlet here. Keep writing on here and chatting with people. It's good to get these heavy feelings off your chest.

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Permalink Reply by renee collier on January 24, 2013 at 10:31am

I Christine,  I am terribly sorry for you loss. I read your story and it broke my heart. Domestic violence is horrible.  I'm so sorry your sister had to leave this earth in such a un human awful way.Was her attacker killed?  I don't want to focus on that but when you said I hope he burns in hell it made me think he died. 

I think you are doing the right thing by using this site for an outlet.  Losing the a loved one is such a heavy, emotional, overwhelming and unbearable time. 

I hope that you will take care of yourself and realize that you don't have to be strong to prove anything to anyone. This is your grief. 

Sending you hugs

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Permalink Reply by Christine Leakey on January 24, 2013 at 10:47am

Her killer did die, he hung himself that same day.

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Permalink Reply by renee collier on January 24, 2013 at 5:59pm

well now I see why you said you hope he is burning in hell.  I can also see why you would be upset that people keep saying he is a good guy. your right a good guy would not have done such a things.

hugs

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Permalink Reply by Stacey Chambers on January 26, 2013 at 3:43pm

I am so sorry for everyone who has lost a loved one, whether it be a long illness (my Dad and sister) or a sudden, unexpected loss (brother and husband). I, too, feel that I am a burden on my family when I talk about my loss, pain, and feelings of hopelessness. It has been 4 months since my husband died and it seems everyone is getting along except me! Talking about it makes everyone uncomfortable, but I can't keep it all in. I think it is time to go back to therapy, but it is very nice to be able to say how badly my heart aches or wonder aloud how will I ever get on with my life on this forum, because you all know how I feel. So many times I see an item or TV show and I think "Boy, Mike will like that." Then comes the stark reality that he is gone. He is dead and he is never ever coming back. He will not be by my side when our younger son graduates, marries, and has children. He will not be by my side when I need him ever again. Time to put on my big girl pants and get strong, I guess. 

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