Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Michele Hayes on December 14, 2012 at 7:38am

You just need to take care of yourself. I cried everyday for the first four months after my daughter died- and that was with antidepressants. Nothing anyone can say or do can remove the pain you are going through. And one thing I have learned from this experience is that crying is therapeutic. I don't know how many times I have had a good cry and it has made me feel so much better. I hope you have a supportive husband who is understanding of what you are going through. And hold onto the loved ones that are left. I could not have gotten through this year without my family- my husband and my kids.

Permalink Reply by Elley on December 14, 2012 at 9:13am

Hi Michelle my husband is very suportive but I dont think he can totally understand what im going through because he hasnt lost any oved ones yet.Ive cryed so much some days I just feel numb like I cant cry anymore like its not even real.It is like waves that come over me.I just hope this gets easier because I keep thinking i cant live the rest of my life with this much heartache.

Permalink Reply by A. Buyten on December 14, 2012 at 1:27pm

Hi Ellen,

Welcome here. There are alot of kind and understanding people here. I lost my girlfriend more than a year ago very suddenly. Your coping process is normal. I had severe panic attacks for quite awhile. They are moderate now and I don't cry as much. Think of much every day.

I found support through my friends, family, and her family. Locally there is a county hospice care that I went to and talk to a professional for a small fee. This helped but I stopped going because it was like making an appointment for a panic attack and crying my ayes out.They also directed me to a weekly group for grieving in the area. Maybe check your area for Hospice care.

My best and hope you find some solace :)

Permalink Reply by Debra A. Whitemaine on December 14, 2012 at 3:04pm

Hello Ellen and welcome to our group.  Very sorry for your loss.  I can't imagine how difficult it had to be to ID your sister.  I believe it is terrible enough to see a loved one at the funeral home but to see them at a morgue, rough.  I can understand how it all hit you at once when you arrived home, and then you were on overload.  You will never forget your sister.  Her spirit will always be around you.  She knows how much you love her. I also wear my heart on my sleeve.  My Dad passed suddenly in Sept and Thanksgiving was rough.  My husband and I chose to spent it alone.  Probably will do the same for Christmas.  You will see her again some day.  I have found comfort in remembering my Dad thru memorials.  He was an organ donor and we made a patch honoring him for the quilt they make.  I bought a special statue to put on his grave.  Maybe things like this will help. 

 

Congratualtions to your son.  It is okay to be happy, feel joy and have fun even thought she is gone.  This is something I am just learning to be okay with.  Dad wouldn't want me to be sad all the time.  Make sure you deal with your grief and cry if you need to.  Do things in your time.  Take care.

Debbie

Permalink Reply by Michele Hayes on December 14, 2012 at 3:48pm

Another thing is that might help you some as you get farther along in the grieving process is traditions- so your sister will not be forgotten. We got together and did a memorial for Ivy on the anniversary of her death. We had people write notes and attach them to balloons. Also, for Christmas, we started a tradition last year. Since we aren't able to buy gifts for her, we help out a family in her name. That way we keep her a part of the holidays.

Permalink Reply by Debra A. Whitemaine on December 14, 2012 at 4:19pm

Michele,

Those are great ideas.  My Dad and his siblings always got together for the anniversary of their mother's death.  We intend to honor my Dad by attending the MDA camp motorcycle rides.  This was a passion of his.