we just got through the first anniversary of my dad's death. Although i have small snippets of grief ususally a sob and it goes away as quick as it came. I am still feeling numb i know i will never see my dad on this earth again, but even as i write this it is done in a calm and controlled manner. am i going mad please someone answer

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hi, i think it is normal to grieve. it says that we have a close relationship with our father. I cry at the slightest thought. i cannot however acknowledge that death is normal. I am saddened because I can't for the rest of my life be able to talk to him anymore, hear his laughter, his jokes, his advise, his letters.
In February it will be 5 years since my dad died. It has gotten easier but this christmas is very hard I have many memories of him and my mom who died in August. I miss them both so much.
No you are not going mad, you are normal. I lost my dad on Sept. 17 very suddenly. I am an only child and was a complete daddy's girl. I am married with two beautiful children. My mom lives next door, where my father used to live. I still am numb and have actually even done things that are so uncharacteristic of myself I feel crazy. Thankfully I have had grief counseling and through it realize that everyone goes through this process differently. For me, I took a perfectly good marriage and toyed with the idea of an affair with an old boyfriend. I would have never thought of doing this before. So, through counseling I thankfully realized why i was doing it and nothing came of it. thank the lord above but my point is that we all do things where we feel we are losing it because it is all a grief process in our own individual way. God bless you and try to stay strong knowing your dad is always with you and you have people here who truly understand and care.
Today makes 6 months since my dad's passing. My dad was a vibrant, active, healthy man. He was 68 when he passed. My dad was still working up until the time he was diagnosed with stage 3a adenocarcinoma of the lung, and prostate cancer. My dad had a lobectomy ( to remove the tumor in the lung). The next day I went to visit him in the hospital. I freaked when I could not find him in his room. It turns out he was walking around the hospital corridors, holding his foley in one hand and the chest tube in the other. A few months later, mets to his brain. He had his brain tumor removed, and sure enough the next day he was back to walking around the hospital despite his blurred vision. Being a nurse, I knew from the initial chest xray my dad was in trouble; but I must say I am still in shock that my friend, my hero, is no longer here. Like a child, every beautiful sunny day I think my dad is watching over me from heaven. With the seasons changing I imagine him walking through the door wearing his plaid scarf in the fall, or in the summer wiping the sweat from his brow. Either way, if I could put my feelings into one word, it would be devastated.

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