Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Mary M. on September 1, 2012 at 1:18pm

Hi Tim,  I am sorry for your loss and for all you are now dealing with in possibly losing your home too.  

It has been 5 months since my husband passed away and some days I am still overwhelmed with loss with no clues as to what to do next.  I also have friends who continue to ask what they can do to help, but thankfully some seem to see what I need before I have even figured it out for myself.  

Right now I think your emotions are still raw and very close to the surface so everything is much harder to deal with.  Right now I am not sure if it does get better or if we just adapt are better able to deal with things.   I remember thinking of the song, 'Paint it Black' .. I didn't want to see colours, I didn't understand  how the world, including my friends and family, could continue life as it was .. for me it had stopped.  Just sharing this so you know you are not alone in what you are feeling and going through.

Take care.

Permalink Reply by Tim B on September 1, 2012 at 7:24pm

Thank you for those words Mary.  Sorry for your own loss, I can understand those emotions you speak of.  Yes, I wish I had friends that see what I need before I know myself.  Is hard to focus at times.

Love the song "Paint it Black"!  I can see how you didn't want to see colors.  Everything seems dimmer, less tasty, less fun than before the loss.  And, your comment, "I didn't understand  how the world, including my friends and family, could continue life as it was .. for me it had stopped." is exactly what I'm saying to myself.  Others grieve about the loss of my Chris, but their "routines" stay that same.  But my own world/routines are completely shattered.

Again, thank you for your sincere thoughts, it helps to hear others going through similar issues.

-Tim

Permalink Reply by Ron on September 1, 2012 at 1:20pm

I never heard that be strong one  Tim. What i heard a lot of and even eight months after i lost my wife still hear is "How are you doing" or  "it will get better" I want to say to them .How in hell do you think i am doing? Also, it does not really get better. You just learn to hide it better. Of course that could be just me but i know a few other people who have lost their spouse and they all feel just about the same way.

Just have faith in your God and in the end it will work out.

As for me i am trying to be the best kind of person that my wife would want me to be and just maybe, when my end time comes. I will be met by my Jean saying . Hi Hon i missed you and have been waiting for you.

Take care................Ron 

Permalink Reply by Tim B on September 1, 2012 at 7:34pm

Wow Ron!  That one comment you made:

"How are you doing" or  "it will get better" I want to say to them .How in hell do you think i am doing?

That is exactly what I've been saying.  Thank you so much for letting me know I'm not off my rocker thinking things like that.

I agree with the point that it does not really get better.  People use different words like "hide" or "put aside" or "learn to handle it".  I believe it is all the same thing.  I don't see how anyone that hasn't lost a true love would ever understand that gaping hole that is inside you.

I like your thoughts on being the best kind of person that your wife would want you to be.  That's pretty much what I've been doing and what I even did in my girl's last days in hospital. It was something I could control and feel good about.  No regrets kind of thing and knowing she would want me to be that way.

Sorry for your own loss Ron, sincerely and thanks so much for your kind words.

My love Chris just died too damn young, only 40.  She gave so much to this world even in the short time she was here.

Take care Ron and thanks again for your words.

-Tim