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Comment by joni on June 1, 2012 at 8:19pm

Hi all.... To Karen w , yes you are right! My husband loved life to the fullest... And for would want me to live fully...and I know I will go through this process with everyone's help here and Gods help .....thank you .....love hugs and prayers ,joni

Comment by Karen Waldrop on May 31, 2012 at 10:14pm

Debra, I believe it was you who said that you experienced the worst grief after the 3rd month. I have found that my grief worsened in the 3rd + months as well. I think that is because that is the time that the people that had surrounded you with outpourings of support go back to their normal routines, you have finished up taking care of the business of death, and all you are left with are your feelings. You are right, the numbness wears off. The reality of your new life sets in and leaves you with overwhelming feelings of lonliness and loss. At times it is very difficult to get past these feelings. It would be very easy to stay in bed, to not face the days. However, each day that I wake up, I think about the gifts that my husband left me, and there are many, but none more precious than my sons. Those things drive me to continue to move forward, to make the most of the life that I have left and encourage my boys to do the same. I owe it to them. I do believe that each day will continue that each day will continue to get better and easier to deal with. My husband will always be a part of my life, the love of my life, but it will get better. 

Comment by Maura Simms on May 31, 2012 at 9:14pm

Hi Anna, its funny to hear someone talk about hockey, let alone know what it is down here in Louisiana.  Don't know how I'm going to sell those snow shoes or skis here!  Yeah, its great to think about the routines we created with our soul mates; Friday night dinners, tail gating on the back of the pickup, (with my own queen stadium chair), Sunday morning breakfast, eggs and hash; its really refreshing to hear your story too!  Good for you, don't forget the good feelings it brought. 

Comment by anna l. on May 31, 2012 at 8:53pm

Jeanne you are so right.  My last meltdown was last night while on the phone with a dear long distance friend.  My call waiting starting beeping and I said to my friend, I will call my sister back later.  If it is good news it will still be good news and if its bad, it wont get worse"  As the last words left my mouth I started to sob.  That is what my husband used to say when our grown children would ask where we where going for our weekend get-away.  We liked to Friday night just throw a few things in a bag and take off to a bigger city near us.  We would go out for dinner, take in a movie or hockey game, and spend the night in any number of nice motels.  It was our time.  No distractions.  Just writing this has started the tears.  I miss him and our time together so much.  I still have a hard time wrapping my head around the idea I have to live without him. 

Comment by Maura Simms on May 31, 2012 at 8:12pm

Thank you so much Jeanne Potter; I hear you!  I hope we get to a better place together!

Comment by Jeanne Potter on May 31, 2012 at 8:08pm

Maura, for me it has been 1 year, 5 months and 9 days since I lost Harry. It is sometimes ok and then a wave comes over you. A song on the radio, a place you used to go together and it all comes back. The tears start and then a little peace comes over me. I come back to reality and remember that it is what it is and I just have to go on somehow, but never like it was before. I know he is good where he is, but for all of us it is not so easy. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing he is not suffering anymore and that one day we will meet again.

Comment by Maura Simms on May 31, 2012 at 7:37pm

xo Anna; blessings to you and your family too!

Comment by anna l. on May 31, 2012 at 7:31pm

It will be a year for me July 1st and honestly it is just in the past couple of weeks that I have had some real changes happening in my grief.  It will never be better.  Better was and will always be what I had when my husband was alive and our children were all healthy and happy.  But it is feeling calmer and more manageable and that is better in a sense.  Hugs Maura.

Comment by Maura Simms on May 31, 2012 at 7:26pm

Its been a year, when does it get better? 

Comment by Debra Wick on May 31, 2012 at 7:26pm

Anna, same here. I was worse in the 2nd and 3rd months than in the 1st month. I read it was because the shock and numbness has worn off and now the healing could begin. I couldn't imagine. Now it has been almost 6 months and I am healing, slowly. Hugs-

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