I've decided that I'm going to write my blog/journal entry in my Google Drive app, and then post it here because quite frankly, there's nothing like being in the middle of a sentence, deep in thought, and having your phone lose your spot because your hand caused the phone screen to rotate accidentally.

 

Today is gonna be another one full of tears. I'm going to take a guess here, and say, "It's probably going to be a natural thing for me to start crying (off and on) around Thanksgiving and not stop until May become the losses in my life have been 5 in a little over a year from when I lost my dad to when my ex fiance passed. Unfortunately, the holidays will never be the same, but I'm not going to allow myself to be all consumed by the hurt during this that time of year.

 

I need to talk about a couple of things. I'm really only looking for validation on these things, however, anyone reading this is more than welcome to comment.

 

1. I have accepted Jeremy being gone from about 2 minutes after I got the news until now; BUT I had a very difficult time with saying, "Jeremy is dead". I'm certain that the explanation for this is: saying the word dead made it too final, too real, too permanent. Today, I still prefer not saying things like that, but it is a lot easier now than it was in the beginning.

 

2. I will never be comfortable with calling April ninth the "anniversary" of Jeremy's death. I will only ever say it like this:" April ninth is the second year mark". Anniversaries are something you celebrate, and though I LOVE to celebrate his memory, I can't get comfortable with that day being thought of as a celebration. Not especially when I have a lot of unresolved issues with the accident in and of itself.  

 

His death certificate reads "accident" in the place where it reads Manner of Death. However, I will not ever be convinced that it was an accident. Okay, I'll explain it this way: there was an old friend of ours driving mine and Jeremy's Acura MDK and she was texting. It was around 1:30am when she came upon an ess curve, suddenly. She managed through about halfway, but our vehicle rolled 5 or 6 times off the highway. This part, I'm unsure about because I was lied to. From what I was originally told: Jeremy was asleep and something came flying from the back of the Acura and punctured his skull and brain. The accident investigators never found this "something". It was not in Jeremy's head. It was not around the passenger seat not the driver's seat. It was not anywhere near the vehicle. When they found Meredith, the woman driving, she was almost 2 football fields away from the Acura. Her phone was almost the same distance away from her body, and she was in the middle of replying to her daughter.

 

This is what I believe happened: 

 

First, Meredith did not ever wear her seatbelt because at 15, she was in an accident that almost killed her, and did leave her with a severe gait in her walk. I think she was perfectly capable of a clear thought as the Acura started rolling, and she knew that IF Jeremy made it through the accident, he would probably have been paralyzed from the neck down, and she didn't want to die alone. So, when he woke up, she had a screwdriver in her hand and she punctured his skull and brain with the screwdriver. 

 

Now, this cannot be proven since the screwdriver could not be found. However, it's the only thing that makes sense. Otherwise, why wasn't the "item" that punctured his skull and brain, not found??? I believe that Meredith took it out of his head, and when through the windshield with it in her hand. The investigators said she passed away in her tumbling. I say she threw the screwdriver away from her as she rolled. 

None of this can or will be proven because I have no money to open a different investigation into this matter. Even if I did, I would never take her children to court, whether they had the money for a wrongful death suit or not. Because frankly, Amanda and Roger Jr. (Meredith's children) are in no way responsible for the accident.

Views: 24

Comment

You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!

Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community

Latest Activity

Speed Weasel posted a blog post

Assumptions

An assumption is an unexamined belief: what is thought to be true without ever really realizing that we think in that way. For better or worse, understanding starts with entertaining the idea that something is true.  Truly profound thoughts generally come to light from the relaxation of these (flawed) assumptions.  This is where I find myself today...Perhaps, one of the more significant drivers to pushing down the loss and grief at the time of the accident, ignoring it and mindlessly walking…See More
Mar 13
Profile IconCari Jo Converse, Jennifer and James D. Thornsberry joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Mar 13
Profile IconMarina Dsouza, Leah, Sandra M Aaron and 5 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Mar 5
esther joined HollowHeart's group
Thumbnail

Sibling Loss

This group is for anyone that has lost a brother or sister. Sibling loss is often minimized and people don't realize how devastating losing a sibling can be. I lost my older sister and my life will never be the same. She was my only sibling, I looked up to her, I went to her for everything. I lost my past, present and future. It is traumatic.See More
Mar 4
Speed Weasel posted a video

Sun Keeps Risin'

Provided to YouTube by The Orchard EnterprisesSun Keeps Risin' · Lissie · Elisabeth Corrin Maurus · Martin CraftMy Wild West℗ 2015 Lionboy RecordsReleased on...
Feb 26
Speed Weasel posted a blog post

Triggers Continue to Surface

Late February is a challenging time of year for me.  Jen’s birthday is the 23rd and serves as an annual reminder of all of the potential that was lost…Her’s (mainly), mine, the world’s honestly.  This year she would be 52…It is increasingly hard to imagine, through all of the iterations possible, what she could have become, what was to be her (significant) impact on the world.That being said, things, emotions, have largely settled down since I committed a potential version of what could have…See More
Feb 15
Michelle joined Gyla Lynn Darden's group
Thumbnail

Loss of a child In memory of my son or daughter

This group focuses on healing ourselves and each other over the death of a child and welcomes a Christian atmosphere to help with the healing process. I welcome all of those grieving.See More
Feb 8
Tammy McLaughlin and Rosie are now friends
Jan 30

© 2024   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service