My husband died 17 months ago of severe acute pancreatitis. He was perfectly well one day and the next day I had to drive him to hospital with severe gut pain.3 days later we were told there was nothing more they could do for him and we had to withdraw the life support. The enzymes of the pancreas destroys itself and the other surrounding organs. They said it was caused by drink but he only drank half a bottle of wine a night. The first few months I was 0.K. Then I crashed and had to be hospitalised with psychosis. I am on medication for depression. I have 3 wonderful grown up sons who love me but I am struggling with the loss and life just has no meaning for me. We travelled the world and did everything together as 'one person' Now I am paying the price of that dependency and I'm afraid I just want to join him. I know I'm supposed to do things and join things but nothing interests me. I know I have to live for my kids but every morning I wake to the loss and the thought of struggling on for the next 20 yrs fills me with dread. He was only 71 and his mother lived till she was 92!

Views: 224

Comment

You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!

Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community

Comment by Marjorie Willcox on March 20, 2018 at 1:33pm

My goodness Maria how awful for you. That must have shaken you to the core. I can relate to the Siamese twins it was the same for us and I fear I'll never experience happiness again.i would settle for contentment but how can that be possible when we've lost the love of our lives.

Comment by Maria panettieri on March 19, 2018 at 2:54pm

I know your pain , my husband and I were like Siamese twins, we were on a holiday in Italy when I woke up to find him dead beside me. My whole world has fallen down , he was and still is the live of my life. I guess this is the ultimate price one pays when you love someone so much. I too like you don’t know how my life will go on

Comment by Marjorie Willcox on January 19, 2018 at 6:19am
Can someone tell me how to use this site to follow people
Comment by Marjorie Willcox on January 19, 2018 at 2:10am

Thankyou Karen for responding to my pain and sharing how you feel. It really is hell on earth.

Comment by Karen on January 18, 2018 at 9:40pm

I feel your pain. It has been only 7 months for me but some days I think it gets worse instead of better. The loneliness is overwhelming when they were such a big part of our world. 

Comment by Marjorie Willcox on January 18, 2018 at 3:14pm

Thankyou Alice for responding to my pain. I'm new to this site so not sure how it all works. I feel sure I'll never get over this loss but I'm comforted by getting a reply from you & Morgan Thankyou. It must be awful feeling the pain for so long and I wish you well

Marjorie

Comment by Marjorie Willcox on January 18, 2018 at 1:33pm
Morgan Thankyou so much for your response to my pain You say Sunday was your death day. When was that? It really helps to share with people who understands what we're going through..Bless you
Marjorie
Comment by morgan on January 18, 2018 at 1:21pm

Marjorie, I wish I could offer more than just I am sorry.........I've been wishing to wake up from my own nightmare for a long time but my own predicament is so in flux all the time I can at times be supportive but other times I am simply digging as deep as I can into my hole wishing never to return.  His death date is Sunday.  There is nothing I can do to stop the pain of reliving the walk to death much less the memories I have of all the years we loved each other so intensely.  I wish I could be of more help but I am struggling along every day with indescribable anguish of what death has done to me.  I just wanted you to know though that I have heard your pleas but I have no solution.  I take baby steps still.  Every day is a challenge.  In order to even write this I had to go through a breakdown as I came here to seek some solace and I saw your pain so I needed to write.  Yet I know for me that there really is no solace other than knowing I am not the only one seeking relief.  

I do know of other women who have been able to reconstruct and build a new life.  I have sort of kept up with their progress through other people I know.  But me, I am stuck.  I have more time where I can function better than I did but it always comes back to the one thing that I cannot let go of.  Him.  

I am now going to attempt to get something to eat.  One of the daily challenges.  At least I've gone from a diet of half an English muffin with peanut butter and a glass of apple juice to being able to cook an egg or make some pancakes.  That alone is huge.  Sleep is still erratic and elusive.  Feeling grounded to reality nonexistent.  Hygiene is ok.  Dressing is necessary but not something that gives me the pleasure of looking nice anymore, no need.  

Marilyn, I can only wish that you can find someone who will listen to your pain.  Someone who will be willing to go through this with you.  We are always here and though we might not respond all the time we do hear you and we empathize as we too feel the same. It’s just we are all struggling to patch our lives together and the energy it takes to do that precludes writing all the time when we have so many people coming here to find help with their pain.  Every day more people join this site (and others) which means there are alot of people out there faking a life.  I wish I could do more but I do hear you........take care the best you can.  

morgan

Latest Activity

Speed Weasel posted a blog post

Assumptions

An assumption is an unexamined belief: what is thought to be true without ever really realizing that we think in that way. For better or worse, understanding starts with entertaining the idea that something is true.  Truly profound thoughts generally come to light from the relaxation of these (flawed) assumptions.  This is where I find myself today...Perhaps, one of the more significant drivers to pushing down the loss and grief at the time of the accident, ignoring it and mindlessly walking…See More
Wednesday
Profile IconCari Jo Converse, Jennifer and James D. Thornsberry joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Wednesday
Profile IconMarina Dsouza, Leah, Sandra M Aaron and 5 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Mar 5
esther joined HollowHeart's group
Thumbnail

Sibling Loss

This group is for anyone that has lost a brother or sister. Sibling loss is often minimized and people don't realize how devastating losing a sibling can be. I lost my older sister and my life will never be the same. She was my only sibling, I looked up to her, I went to her for everything. I lost my past, present and future. It is traumatic.See More
Mar 4
Speed Weasel posted a video

Sun Keeps Risin'

Provided to YouTube by The Orchard EnterprisesSun Keeps Risin' · Lissie · Elisabeth Corrin Maurus · Martin CraftMy Wild West℗ 2015 Lionboy RecordsReleased on...
Feb 26
Speed Weasel posted a blog post

Triggers Continue to Surface

Late February is a challenging time of year for me.  Jen’s birthday is the 23rd and serves as an annual reminder of all of the potential that was lost…Her’s (mainly), mine, the world’s honestly.  This year she would be 52…It is increasingly hard to imagine, through all of the iterations possible, what she could have become, what was to be her (significant) impact on the world.That being said, things, emotions, have largely settled down since I committed a potential version of what could have…See More
Feb 15
Michelle joined Gyla Lynn Darden's group
Thumbnail

Loss of a child In memory of my son or daughter

This group focuses on healing ourselves and each other over the death of a child and welcomes a Christian atmosphere to help with the healing process. I welcome all of those grieving.See More
Feb 8
Tammy McLaughlin and Rosie are now friends
Jan 30

© 2024   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service