Losing anyone sets you on the path of going through stages that only you can determine. However, the promise that you will get through them and come out of the tunnel into the sunlight is somewhere in the back of your mind. Most people come through in time. The promise of being happy is so alluring that it cannot help but generate an interest in moving forward.

     The reality of being amid that pain story leaves most of us wondering whether the established world really has any clue as to what they are talking about. Being happy. Really? Glimpses will come at the oddest moments. The ebb and flow of your own incredible journey will take you to the edge of happiness sometimes and tease your senses. Just know we all have the right to be happy, and if that does not work, go outside and let the sunshine on your face. Remember what the sun and happiness feel like and incorporate that into your daily mantra. It also helps to be listening to Creedence Clearwater Revival. Plus, you get some interesting looks when you are singing and dancing down the street.

Bless your journey.

 


 

 

Spirit

 

Systematic return of the spirit

is shocking and rewarding to the mind.

 

Freeing negative forces

helps to reverse the direction

that destiny so completely had control over.

 

The will to venture

into unknown and new scenes

creates a new story of facing forward and acceptance.

 

 

An excerpt from “My Compass, Our Story: A Journey through Death and Life”-Mike Russell

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Comment by morgan on May 22, 2017 at 8:49pm

I agree Mike.  And I absolutely understand the choice to not want to die.  And for some that is what happens.  I guess at times I just wonder how much of it comes from feeling that we have to somehow reconstruct under the pressure of what others expect.  At least that is how I see it around me, from sisters, brothers, friends as I have no children which I think does make a difference.  

There are times I wish I could feel what it would take to turn onto a road of inspired living but then I remember what brought me to this point and there is no one or thing that isn't just a false attempt at providing more than just existing.  

I don't mean to take away from the hope you have and proffer to others I just don't feel most people come through it in time.  I think we just think we do.  But like you said, everyones journey is their own and I agree wholeheartedly.  I was just making commentary on how hard it is for so many and those who never heal or find a new place to rest their heart.  But I am glad you have. 

Comment by Mike on May 22, 2017 at 3:21pm

Thank you for your comments, Morgan. I have no problem being accused of writing from inspiration to give hope.  Grief is a different journey for everyone, and I would be the last one to judge someone else's journey.  My writings cover a three year period of great angst but they are my story of going through the loss of my wife and the survival of myself and my six kids. I chose at some point along that timeline that I wanted to not die, and so I was inspired to write about the ups and downs, the depression and laughter, and eventually the moving forward.  I am no better or worse than anyone, and if my story benefits one person along the way then it was worth it.  

Comment by morgan on May 22, 2017 at 1:25pm

I find your posts to be written for inspiration but also somewhat disingenuous.  Not in a mean way but in a way that is pretentious.  Not meant to harm and certainly aspire to give hope.  But I am not sure that it isn't false hope.

For me, after this long wading through life without the support of my husband, the one person who ever really gave a damn about me to the extent that I knew he would never leave me willingly I placed all my hopes, dreams and wishes in the basket he took with him.  Not to say I cannot function now.  Far be that from what I am doing.  But as to joy, happiness, sharing, caring, loving, nurturing, discussing, touching, nature, family, friends, strangers......it has all become surreal.  Nothing has body.  Nothing is what it seems.  I do because it is required of me to live on this familiar plane of existence but the feelings of strength are gone.  I am but a weak shell of a former self.  There is no atomic structure left.  It has been swallowed by the black hole of the universe. To me, the vision of what anyone sees as a life after what is for all intent and purposes my own death, even though I still exist in bodily form, is trying to fit a round peg in a square hole.   I don't fit now, I never will fit and no matter what, that will not be any different than it was the day he died.   I do not move forward, I just move because I exist.  Blessed be the day I stop.    

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