35 single professional in complicated long term hetero relationship, engaged 2 years. I work a high stress job in HR. Sole survivor of tragedy. Very few friends or extended fam to speak of.
About my Loss:
My brother (2years older) murdered my father in our family home in WA in Nov '17. 9mm to back of the head. My mother who was ill was present in the home. Both of my parents were 61. Mom lived in a nursing home for 6 months and passed. My brother had mental health and drug use issues and was a menacing asshole most of my life. He got 23 years.
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"Different today. Hurts as usual, but not like yesterday.
My stress goes through the roof at the slightest change in routine.
I have to break free of the pattern, the ritual, of Friday nights and Saturdays. My mother died on a Friday. But I cannot…"
"Today, I feel it.
It has been like this every Saturday since June, since the nurse at the care home called me to notify me that I could pick up my mother's effects. My mother died in April.
I am overwhelmed.
I am crushed.
I love you, Mom. I…"
"Sixteen weeks ago today, my mother died.
For some reason, I do not feel crushed today.
But every Friday is going to be like this, a reminder that she is dead. Not quite the kick in the stomach reminder that she is dead that I feel when I wake up…"
Carla is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
"Yes, it is much harder for me to concentrate or focus now. Grief, sadness, anger, despair -- they have all conspired to make it difficult for me to access my intelligence to the same degree as before my husband died. That is, my…"
"Bluebird, I am glad that you took that the right way. I had a feeling you would know what I meant. And your description is correct: I have a general idea of how you feel but it's impossible for me or anyone else to know…"
"I guess I can emphasize with the things you loved to do dying with the one you loved - as if that feeling has been pulled along, stretched thin to behind the veil. You don't have the energy to pursue them anymore, and just having something that…"