Jennifer Blackwood
  • Female
  • Hartselle, AL
  • United States
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Profile Information

About Me:
I'm 22 years old living in Alabama.
About my Loss:
Lost my mom this year on January 27th due to Pancreatic Cancer. She was 46 years old.

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Jennifer Blackwood's Blog

It's still so hard to believe

That my Mom has been gone for 1 year, and 23 days. I never imagined that I would lose my Mom at such a young age..well even though I'm 23, I consider that young because I don't feel my age at all! I feel like a little girl without my Mom. Of course I've always felt young since I didn't have much of a childhood and my innocence was taken away from me, but since she has been gone, it has gotten worse! During the day, I seem to do ok, since I'm around Step-Dad's family, but during the night,…

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Posted on February 20, 2013 at 11:21pm — 4 Comments

I want to feel 'alive' again!

I can't believe that on January 27th, my beautiful mother will have been gone a year! It seems like forever ago since I saw and spoken with her, yet it feels like it just happened! I have been completely numb and dead inside in 2012 and been in a total fog..when will I ever feel alive again? I know I will never be over her but I want acceptance & forgiveness of myself and I don't know how to achieve that!

Posted on December 31, 2012 at 2:32am — 4 Comments

Mixed emotions

I contacted a Medium the other day through email. He only wanted the whole name and nothing more, and he gave me so much information and helped me somewhat with 'closure.' What has kept me back, is I didn't know if mom forgave me for the things that I did, and I didn't know if she knew that I loved her! She forgives me and knows that I loved her regardless of the big 'ups and downs' that we had and told me not to beat myself up for the past, we make mistakes and learn from them! I know it…

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Posted on November 1, 2012 at 4:16pm — 2 Comments

Depression, Anger, and Confusion!

I don't know if it's normal to be stuck in different stages of grief at the same time or not, but for me, it has been going on for awhile now! I miss my mom so much it hurt, and I'm angry at myself plus the doctors for not doing anything about it! I luckily have never been mad at God, I sometimes get mad that the only person I truly had, was taken away from me but to be directly mad at him, I haven't! There has been talk between some of Mom's 'friends' and all they could talk about, was that…

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Posted on October 23, 2012 at 10:46pm

Comment Wall (12 comments)

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At 3:09pm on September 26, 2014, Corinne Gibson said…

Jennifer, 

Thank you for taking interest in our research. We most definitely have questions to ask you. Our research process is two-fold, we start off with a questionnaire and move forward with a phone interview. If you are comfortable and still interested in, please email me at cgibso10@slu.edu so we can get started with a background questionnaire? 

Best,

Corinne Gibson

At 1:17pm on September 15, 2014, Corinne Gibson said…

Hi Jennifer,

I have read a little about the loss of your mom from your profile, but I was wondering if you would be interested in sharing a little more of your story with me. I am part of a research team at Saint Louis University that is looking at end of life decision making and family communication. If you are interested in taking part in an interview, please let me know. 

Best,

Corinne Gibson

At 10:36pm on August 23, 2013, Eliza said…
Hi Jennifer,

I am so very saddened and sorry to learn that you lost your mom to pancreatic cancer. I lost my mom, too, to PC in December. What a horrible, wretched, and swift disease. I hope your mother wasn't in great pain. I noticed that you mentioned on the Mom group that you have bipoloar and PTSD. I have struggled with depression and my mood plummeted after my mom's death. I went on medication and it helped tremendously. Just wanted to mention that as it helped me cope in the initial stages following my mom's death. Feel free to message me anytime. Sending you hugs.
At 9:34pm on November 25, 2012, Tammy B. said…

Hey Jennifer, it's good to hear from you.  I think you're right, it's going to take awhile and everyone grieves differently. I can't imagine how I would have felt at your age.  I'm 53 (older than your mom was) and I know I was devastated when my mom passed away. I actually went into shock the first copule of months.  She had me when she was only 17 (almost 18), so I always took it for granted that we would be in the nursing home together because there wasn't that big of difference in our ages. ha!  I guess I was in denial or something because I never imagined I'd be without her in life.   I'm so sorry Thanksgiving was so bad for you.  It is an awful time, but it's something you have to go through to get better.  I think the first holidays are the pits.  Try to surround yourself with close friends when you can.  If you're like me, you prefer to be alone because you're so sad, but whenever I did go out with a friend I usually felt better--One day at a time.  My mom passed away in August of 2011, so I'm doing a bit better now.  However, I had to read a bunch of books on grief and life after death to come to terms with the grief.  It's funny, but I got so into the Long Island Medium and I have to say she helped me the most because I really do feel like they're always with us in spirit.  (and I typically don't believe in that sort of thing--who knew?!  Take care for now!  Remember, we're always here if you need someone to talk too

At 11:55pm on November 4, 2012, Tammy B. said…

Hi Jennifer,

Thank-you for befriending me.  I'm not sure if I ever got back with you.  I quit visiting this site for awhile because I was out of town so much.  You know, your mom was a lot like my mom-- so gorgeous and vibrant!  My mom was like that right up until the time she passed away. Oh, she got really sick a few years before she passed away, but she always stayed as fiesty as ever.  I wouldn't worry so much about your family.  I think it's just going to be a little crazy for awhile.  I lost my mom a little over a year ago and my family acted up too.  I think it's such an emotional, stressful time that people just act out their feelings in hurtful, crazy ways.  They sort of settle down after awhile.  Their worlds have crashed because someone very special is no longer there.  At least mine did.  It also bugged me that no one wanted to talk about my mom much after she died.  It was like they were afraid too or something and I really needed to talk about it.  It's like I told Brette, I really feel for you all most because you're only in your 20's and that's a time when I got the closest to my mom and needed her most.  It really breaks my heart.  However, I also think it makes you a strong and better person and you'll meet someone special and have a family of your very own one day and your mom will always be right there with you in your heart!  I know my mom does....Anyway, take care and thank-you for sharing your mom with us!  Much love and peace to you, your friend Tammy     

At 12:39am on September 17, 2012, Jayne said…

Hi Jennifer, the pics of your mom are beautiful! I don;t know if I mentioned but my mom too had Pancreatic Cancer.

At 8:55pm on September 12, 2012, chasity carter said…

Hey, three months before my mom passed away on April 07, 2012 I found out the man I called dad for my 20 years of life, wasn't my real dad. Out of 4 kids, I am the only one with a different dad. What made it worse was my biological father committed suicide in 2009. For three months I didn't talk to my mother, the day I went to go see her and say sorry, she collapses in front of me before I can say anything. She was in ICU for 3 days and the doctor said she was brain dead, we let her go in the 7th. My dad and I stayed in the room as they took her off life support....I wish to this day I didn't stay in that room! My last memory of my mom is her dying. I have trouble remembering any other memory other than that day. I feel all alone and miss her so much.

At 3:33am on September 8, 2012, Brette Stinson said…

I am doing fairly well for the  situation. Thanks for asking, I hope everything  is going well with you and your new home and all I can really say is stay strong. And I am always here whenever you want to talk, vent or chat.

At 8:03am on September 6, 2012, Brette Stinson said…

Jennifer,

What a beautiful picture of you and your mother. If you dont mind me asking, How old are you? You Look so young!  I am with you in this struggle and know exactly how you feel. I hope that you have a wonderful day.

At 6:36pm on September 2, 2012, Ariel Van Kirk said…

Hi there Jennifer! Thanks for friend requesting me.  It's so nice to meet someone my own age going through the same thing. I hope you are feeling well today :)

 
 
 

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