Elynn m
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  • United States
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Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Feeling lonely today. I get really upset because friends haven't been in contact. I keep telling myself that they have their own lives, but I am not accepting that at this time! Is that selfish? I miss Joe so much. He was my best friend here on…"
Nov 4
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Jennifer, there is really nothing you can do about family and friends who say they know what you are going through.   We both know that they can't possibly feel what we feel until it happens.   I just remind them to tell each other…"
Oct 25

Profile Information

About Me:
Lost my husband of 41 years recently
About my Loss:
Was an unexpected loss
Are You a Service Provider? If Yes, please tell us about your service.
No

Comment Wall (2 comments)

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At 4:39pm on December 2, 2016, kathleen akin said…

Elynn, I am big on praying too. I find that when I'm just about ready to give up and end it all, I start praying. I don't even know who I'm praying to, I just start talking. I do beg and plead. Oh boy do I!  I beg that Rocky will come see me in my dreams. It never happens, at least not the way I thought.

I don't know. I get so sad reading these posts where everyone has been years into this and yet they are still in so much pain. That is what I have to look forward to? I can't stand it.

But I keep plodding along. I go to a job I hate, but one that I need. I try to get involved in a hobby, but then drop it because it just feels stupid. I spend all my weekends alone except for my pets. No one calls, no one knows whether I'm alive or dead. So what do we do?

At 3:11pm on February 13, 2016, morgan said…

Elynn,  

I am so sorry that you are having to be here on this site because like all of us you too are searching for ways to manage the pain of what has just happened.  I lost my husband of 35 years three years ago and it is taking me along time to try and reconstruct any kind of life for myself.  I have after this long come to the conclusion that we never get over the death of our spouse.  If it was a deep connection no matter the time we spent the loss is unbearable.  All we can do is try to take tiny steps towards doing basic tasks like hygiene, eating and getting our financial affairs in some sort of order (which is a herculean task in and of itself) and let the rest of the world work itself out because we don't have the energy anymore to do much else.  

I ended up having to sell our home and relocate which was difficult although we had lived several places during our marriage  it wasn't like I was giving up a special location it was just that it meant I was packing up and moving to be alone.  It was hell.  But I could not have afforded to stay where I was.  Now I find it has nothing to do with location because all that love was inside me not outside me.  So downsizing and coming to a new place was not the pain so much as it was the emptiness of him.  

Now having had some time pass I still have really hard days.  I truly know they will never stop. But I have days thankfully where the pain of the first couple years has subsided.  It's unimaginable that a human being can live through years of the kind of pain I have been experiencing.  And I cant say I am out of the woods either.  The fog can easily descend on me and I have no control just like I had no control for the first two years.  

I don't want to make this any worse than it is I am just trying to provide a little tiny bit of perspective on what is a horrible nightmare.  That your brain will slowly, ever so slowly, find a few places where it will turn off the pain and allow you some relief.  I don't count it as recovery I just count it as the release from the ongoing pain.  Anything I can get now that allows me to function without feeling as though I am about to explode is welcome.  

41 years is a very long time to get used to another person.  No matter what the more difficult parts were (and we all had them) the loss of that individual flesh and body who held us close to them in so many ways is not soothing the brain or giving us reason to live.  Until we are given our ticket out we, each of us, bear this tremendous burden and still breathe. 

This site (and there are others, although I find this one the best for communicating between individuals) will be a lifeline that I have used to keep myself from digging too deep into the hole.  It somehow helps to know that your own misery is also someone else's.  

I hope you will find a bit of the light that you will need by walking with us and sharing your grief because we do all understand.

sending stardust.

morgan

 
 
 

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Latest Activity

Bailey Smith commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you Brett for the kind words. You know exacatly how if feels when you think your Mom is going to win the battle and then another issue pops up! My Mom had been living with us off and on the past five years. Sometimes the stay was as long as…"
13 minutes ago
Bailey Smith commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you Bluebell. My avatar is my dog Benji. Thank you for the warm welcome"
17 minutes ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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2 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bailey, I am so sorry for your loss. I remember towards the end of my mom's life, it was so similar in the sense that we would cross one hurdle and then something else would arise. Atrib fibrillation, leaky heart valve, congestive heart…"
5 hours ago
Laraine Pike commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"I lost my husband, Bill to melanoma cancer on Sept 1 2015.  It was a 2 1/2yr battle that started in his heel and after losing his heel & getting it rebuilt with 3 operations the cancer got into his bloodstream & spread to his lungs…"
6 hours ago
Laraine Pike joined Katherine Ellis's group
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Losing Someone to Cancer

This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.See More
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Bailey Smith commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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7 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Steinberg joined Jesse's Mom's group
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BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Lost with out him commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I am not functioning well either! I am a robot doing things that I do not care about doing because I have to. I feel like the walking dead. I am dead inside.nothing bring me joy.. My Grandchild only remind me he is missing. I miss him do much it…"
yesterday
Bailey Smith joined Karen's group
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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
yesterday
Profile IconBailey Smith, Gwen Rene Ackwood, alice frerichs and 12 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Morgan, I too am going on five years. I hate the holidays and just wish I could go to sleep until they are over. My Husband was my soulmate and he lives on in my broken heart. I just go through the motions of everyday. Mornings are the worse, I…"
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Sorry for the repeat, on my phone."
yesterday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I don't know how the rest of you are doing but I seem to not be able to get a handle on living.  I function and work but I keep remembering.  And when I do I end up so desperate for him.  I just don't know how much longer I…"
yesterday
Shamika Anthony replied to Lea Williams's discussion My Sister in the group Losing Someone to Drug Overdose
"Lea, I understand how you feel.  I lost my brother, and I just feel like you have to take things one day at a time.  Most days I am angry, and I miss him terribly, but there are times I think about how he would want me to be.  I…"
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Shamika Anthony added a discussion to the group Losing Someone to Drug Overdose
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Lost my brother, best friend

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Shamika Anthony joined Laura Rozier's group
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Losing Someone to Drug Overdose

If you've lost someone you loved due to them overdosing on drugs, let's talk about it here.See More
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Shamika Anthony joined Ada Bowie's group
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