Elynn m
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Elynn m commented on Brenda Ann's group Has your faith been tested or lost with the death of your loved one?
"Quoting Scripture is really encouraging my faith, and helps with the grief.  Thank you for posting!"
Aug 11
Elynn m commented on Brenda Ann's group Has your faith been tested or lost with the death of your loved one?
"I do agree, Trials do not come from God.  That does not mean we won't have trials. I agree with James 1:13 and 1corinthians :10:13 Jesus helps me adjust my views.  As most of us know, when I am weak, then He is strong (2corinthians…"
Aug 11
Elynn m commented on Brenda Ann's group Has your faith been tested or lost with the death of your loved one?
"Well-meaning people may say, “Jesus took your loved one away,” but that can cause people – especially children – to be angry at God. 1 Corinthians 15:26 says death is our last enemy. Therefore, we can say, “Death took…"
Aug 11
Elynn m commented on Brenda Ann's group Has your faith been tested or lost with the death of your loved one?
"Just a few thoughts regarding faith; Ecclesiastes 3:1,4 says “To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. That doesn't mean that we…"
Aug 11
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"KIM,      I'm so sorry for all of your grief.     It's too bad about your family.    I'm sure they loved Jack.    He sounds like a person that everyone loved, because he made everyone feel…"
Aug 11
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Kim, I can see why you miss him so much. He was a wonderful man who touched a lot of lives, that's how my husband, Joe, was. Everywhere he went he touched someone's life. He had a gift of encouragement, and made strangers feel like they…"
Aug 1
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I have been so lonely the past two days.   Have no desire to do anything right now.  Spent some time out in my garden, but that didn't help too much...just got a call from my son.  Said he'll be back soon (30 minutes).…"
Jul 19
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I am reading everyone's thoughts today.   I am feeling lonely today.  Guess I've been busy a couple days this week, but it always hits me on the day after I've been so busy with other people.  I miss having Joe here to…"
Jul 16
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Kim,  I am sorry for your lisd.   take time as much for yourself as you need...if possible take  time off of work so you can think.    Maybe a close friend could help you do what you need to do.   You are right, your…"
Jun 30
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Kim and bluebird,   It's good to hear that you both recognize that  grief is exhausting.  I talk to my husband all of the time too.   I even keep his pillow next to me in bed.  Even when my family is here (often).…"
Jun 25
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"KIM,      I'm sorry to hear about your liss.   My husband was on disability for a good part of our 40 years together....and I worked also.  I have no regrets..only wish that he were still here.   Joe was the…"
Jun 5
Elynn m replied to Richard Rivera's discussion WHAT I REMEMBER WHEN MY WIFE ANNETTE DIED in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Richard,          I believe there is an afterlife, which,by the way, is for eternity.      I'm just passing through this place (the world) ; Yes, i am lonely without Joe, but i know this is not my final…"
May 29
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Jackie,    I know that your Shirl is still in your heart.    Whatever you do, remember that God is in charge.....He doesn't want you to go through anything you can't handle.....He will get you through this....all we can…"
May 25
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Kim, I am so sorry for your loss.   Your husband was very young.    You are right in saying that every day is a challenge.  I was used to facing  challenges together  with joe, but I have to face them alone now.  …"
May 23
Maxey replied to Elynn m's discussion lost my spouse in the group Lost My Spouse...
"I was married for 55 years' so I totally understand. Yes, you are so right, it will take me that long also - in other words, I will never be the same or "get over it"."
May 21
Elynn m replied to Elynn m's discussion lost my spouse in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Maxey, you are so right about other people.   I don't think we will ever get over the death of our spouse,....sad to say, but true.  After 41 years of marriage, it will take me that long to get over it!  All I can do with other…"
May 20

Profile Information

About Me:
Lost my husband of 41 years recently
About my Loss:
Was an unexpected loss
Are You a Service Provider? If Yes, please tell us about your service.
No

Comment Wall (2 comments)

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At 4:39pm on December 2, 2016, kathleen akin said…

Elynn, I am big on praying too. I find that when I'm just about ready to give up and end it all, I start praying. I don't even know who I'm praying to, I just start talking. I do beg and plead. Oh boy do I!  I beg that Rocky will come see me in my dreams. It never happens, at least not the way I thought.

I don't know. I get so sad reading these posts where everyone has been years into this and yet they are still in so much pain. That is what I have to look forward to? I can't stand it.

But I keep plodding along. I go to a job I hate, but one that I need. I try to get involved in a hobby, but then drop it because it just feels stupid. I spend all my weekends alone except for my pets. No one calls, no one knows whether I'm alive or dead. So what do we do?

At 3:11pm on February 13, 2016, morgan said…

Elynn,  

I am so sorry that you are having to be here on this site because like all of us you too are searching for ways to manage the pain of what has just happened.  I lost my husband of 35 years three years ago and it is taking me along time to try and reconstruct any kind of life for myself.  I have after this long come to the conclusion that we never get over the death of our spouse.  If it was a deep connection no matter the time we spent the loss is unbearable.  All we can do is try to take tiny steps towards doing basic tasks like hygiene, eating and getting our financial affairs in some sort of order (which is a herculean task in and of itself) and let the rest of the world work itself out because we don't have the energy anymore to do much else.  

I ended up having to sell our home and relocate which was difficult although we had lived several places during our marriage  it wasn't like I was giving up a special location it was just that it meant I was packing up and moving to be alone.  It was hell.  But I could not have afforded to stay where I was.  Now I find it has nothing to do with location because all that love was inside me not outside me.  So downsizing and coming to a new place was not the pain so much as it was the emptiness of him.  

Now having had some time pass I still have really hard days.  I truly know they will never stop. But I have days thankfully where the pain of the first couple years has subsided.  It's unimaginable that a human being can live through years of the kind of pain I have been experiencing.  And I cant say I am out of the woods either.  The fog can easily descend on me and I have no control just like I had no control for the first two years.  

I don't want to make this any worse than it is I am just trying to provide a little tiny bit of perspective on what is a horrible nightmare.  That your brain will slowly, ever so slowly, find a few places where it will turn off the pain and allow you some relief.  I don't count it as recovery I just count it as the release from the ongoing pain.  Anything I can get now that allows me to function without feeling as though I am about to explode is welcome.  

41 years is a very long time to get used to another person.  No matter what the more difficult parts were (and we all had them) the loss of that individual flesh and body who held us close to them in so many ways is not soothing the brain or giving us reason to live.  Until we are given our ticket out we, each of us, bear this tremendous burden and still breathe. 

This site (and there are others, although I find this one the best for communicating between individuals) will be a lifeline that I have used to keep myself from digging too deep into the hole.  It somehow helps to know that your own misery is also someone else's.  

I hope you will find a bit of the light that you will need by walking with us and sharing your grief because we do all understand.

sending stardust.

morgan

 
 
 

Latest Activity

Alice Thompson commented on Pamela philipp's blog post Empty
"Good luck, Pamela :-) It is so hard to live among others when your inner life is so different from theirs. I think that after the first year I gave up expecting anyone to understand what is really going on for me. Sometimes I tell them anyway, but…"
5 hours ago
Teresa D. commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Karen, you saying your not helpful is very untrue.  I hate to say it but those ahead of me let me know I'm okay.  Those ahead keep me from feeling disappointed or like something is wrong with me because I'm not "moving…"
9 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I try to do that as well, Bluebell. I always want to be a son who makes my mom proud. I wish that I could somehow know that mom is still aware of me somehow. That she knows how much I miss her and love her. I just don't know if she does.…"
11 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I am not there yet either Brett.It is so hard to be without her. But I keep putting one foot in front of the other, not to move away from her, but instead to live up to what I think she wanted me to be. Bluebell"
12 hours ago
Pamela philipp posted a blog post

Empty

It's been 2 years since I lost my mother and my husband and I am still lost and still very much alone in my grief I haven't been on this site in a while I've been trying to get by every day it's not working too well I'm struggling really really hard my family is still not around I guess they think I am OK that I'm doing fine little do theyknow that I'm not they are coming to my house this Saturday for a cook out because it's something my mother wanted me to do that's the only reason I agreed to…See More
13 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"For sure my mom will always be a part of us. But there may come a day when I don't remember her voice or mannerisms as clearly as I do now. There may be a day that I have to look at a picture to remember exactly what she looked like. All of…"
23 hours ago
Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Exactly Bruce and M. Nothing is the same"
yesterday
Bruce Armstrong commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Take a trip would be great if you had that very special person to share it with-people just don't understand how much it takes away from you as a person"
yesterday
M Adams commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"This take a trip advice must be widespread -- I was so stunned to get repeated phone calls and letters from one aunt telling me to go on a cruise within a month of my husband's death. I guess my non response is why there were both letters and…"
yesterday
John T. commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Bruce, it's just overwhelming at times.  This month is our anniversary, the anniversary of our first date (the most significant date to her), and the 3rd year since I lost her.  I have no one to talk to about any of this because my…"
yesterday
Bruce Armstrong commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"So lonely in the evening house is empty nobody here -been 3 months after 54 years with her I miss her and can't seem to stop crying need that companion and love close"
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett I think they will always be a part of us."
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, right now my mom is so incredibly fresh in my mind. I do fear that the day will come when that is no longer the case. I don't want my memories to fade away. That is one of the issues that I have with, "letting go.""
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett you said it perfectly"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is true that being anxious will not help anything. There are so many things in life that we just have no control over. This is certainly one of them. It's just so hard to stop having those feelings though. My stomach is tied in knots right…"
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bluebell, it will in time... I talked things through in my mind a lot and said to myself well I was anxious yesterday and the day before and it did not change anything, I did see my dr and took something for a few months and I am now weaning off of…"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Prayers sent. God Bless you and give you strength and peace."
yesterday
Luisa Salter commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Today we moved everything out of Mom's apartment. It has uncovered a new layer of grief and I am utterly exhausted. My house and garage are in complete disarray with boxes everywhere. I feel so bogged down with things and things to to. I have…"
yesterday
Luisa Salter replied to Crystal K's discussion Its hard accepting my mother's death in the group I miss my Mom!
"Crystal I am so sorry. I lost my Mom on August 30th, and I understand this sense of coldness and feeling like a zombie. When people ask me how I am feeling, I tell them that I go back and forth between numb and devastated. It seems like I will cry…"
yesterday
Karen bentl posted a status
"Yes, I realize no one can actually hear me... I was just reaching out..."
Sunday

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