Elynn m
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Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Jennifer, I'm so sorry.  Your husband was so young.  It is very hard to imagine life without our precious husbands.  We can help each other here. I am very grateful for this site.  I am free to express my feelings, because I…"
Jan 12
Elynn m replied to L.O's discussion lost my soulmate in the group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm so sorry for your sudden loss. That has to be the worst type of loss.....most unexpected.   I lost my husband unexpectedly, but he was at the emergency room at the hospital.  We did lose our son unexpectedly at home. (From a…"
Jan 3
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"My friend just lost her husband before Thanksgiving.   I'm trying to reach out to her, because I know how she feels, but she does not seem to want to respond.  She's keeping very busy!  I feel bad for her, but I guess…"
Dec 14, 2017
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you, Linda for posting that.   "
Dec 14, 2017
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"This is my third Christmas without Joe.   I miss him more each year.   I realize how precious he was.   Wish he could be here at least a few hours each day with me ! (Physically, so I can hold him agsin).  "
Dec 11, 2017
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Feeling lonely today. I get really upset because friends haven't been in contact. I keep telling myself that they have their own lives, but I am not accepting that at this time! Is that selfish? I miss Joe so much. He was my best friend here on…"
Nov 4, 2017
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Jennifer, there is really nothing you can do about family and friends who say they know what you are going through.   We both know that they can't possibly feel what we feel until it happens.   I just remind them to tell each other…"
Oct 25, 2017
Elynn m commented on Brenda Ann's group Has your faith been tested or lost with the death of your loved one?
"Quoting Scripture is really encouraging my faith, and helps with the grief.  Thank you for posting!"
Aug 11, 2017
Elynn m commented on Brenda Ann's group Has your faith been tested or lost with the death of your loved one?
"I do agree, Trials do not come from God.  That does not mean we won't have trials. I agree with James 1:13 and 1corinthians :10:13 Jesus helps me adjust my views.  As most of us know, when I am weak, then He is strong (2corinthians…"
Aug 11, 2017
Elynn m commented on Brenda Ann's group Has your faith been tested or lost with the death of your loved one?
"Well-meaning people may say, “Jesus took your loved one away,” but that can cause people – especially children – to be angry at God. 1 Corinthians 15:26 says death is our last enemy. Therefore, we can say, “Death took…"
Aug 11, 2017
Elynn m commented on Brenda Ann's group Has your faith been tested or lost with the death of your loved one?
"Just a few thoughts regarding faith; Ecclesiastes 3:1,4 says “To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. That doesn't mean that we…"
Aug 11, 2017
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"KIM,      I'm so sorry for all of your grief.     It's too bad about your family.    I'm sure they loved Jack.    He sounds like a person that everyone loved, because he made everyone feel…"
Aug 11, 2017
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Kim, I can see why you miss him so much. He was a wonderful man who touched a lot of lives, that's how my husband, Joe, was. Everywhere he went he touched someone's life. He had a gift of encouragement, and made strangers feel like they…"
Aug 1, 2017
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I have been so lonely the past two days.   Have no desire to do anything right now.  Spent some time out in my garden, but that didn't help too much...just got a call from my son.  Said he'll be back soon (30 minutes).…"
Jul 19, 2017
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I am reading everyone's thoughts today.   I am feeling lonely today.  Guess I've been busy a couple days this week, but it always hits me on the day after I've been so busy with other people.  I miss having Joe here to…"
Jul 16, 2017
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Kim,  I am sorry for your lisd.   take time as much for yourself as you need...if possible take  time off of work so you can think.    Maybe a close friend could help you do what you need to do.   You are right, your…"
Jun 30, 2017

Profile Information

About Me:
Lost my husband of 41 years recently
About my Loss:
Was an unexpected loss
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No

Comment Wall (2 comments)

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At 4:39pm on December 2, 2016, kathleen akin said…

Elynn, I am big on praying too. I find that when I'm just about ready to give up and end it all, I start praying. I don't even know who I'm praying to, I just start talking. I do beg and plead. Oh boy do I!  I beg that Rocky will come see me in my dreams. It never happens, at least not the way I thought.

I don't know. I get so sad reading these posts where everyone has been years into this and yet they are still in so much pain. That is what I have to look forward to? I can't stand it.

But I keep plodding along. I go to a job I hate, but one that I need. I try to get involved in a hobby, but then drop it because it just feels stupid. I spend all my weekends alone except for my pets. No one calls, no one knows whether I'm alive or dead. So what do we do?

At 3:11pm on February 13, 2016, morgan said…

Elynn,  

I am so sorry that you are having to be here on this site because like all of us you too are searching for ways to manage the pain of what has just happened.  I lost my husband of 35 years three years ago and it is taking me along time to try and reconstruct any kind of life for myself.  I have after this long come to the conclusion that we never get over the death of our spouse.  If it was a deep connection no matter the time we spent the loss is unbearable.  All we can do is try to take tiny steps towards doing basic tasks like hygiene, eating and getting our financial affairs in some sort of order (which is a herculean task in and of itself) and let the rest of the world work itself out because we don't have the energy anymore to do much else.  

I ended up having to sell our home and relocate which was difficult although we had lived several places during our marriage  it wasn't like I was giving up a special location it was just that it meant I was packing up and moving to be alone.  It was hell.  But I could not have afforded to stay where I was.  Now I find it has nothing to do with location because all that love was inside me not outside me.  So downsizing and coming to a new place was not the pain so much as it was the emptiness of him.  

Now having had some time pass I still have really hard days.  I truly know they will never stop. But I have days thankfully where the pain of the first couple years has subsided.  It's unimaginable that a human being can live through years of the kind of pain I have been experiencing.  And I cant say I am out of the woods either.  The fog can easily descend on me and I have no control just like I had no control for the first two years.  

I don't want to make this any worse than it is I am just trying to provide a little tiny bit of perspective on what is a horrible nightmare.  That your brain will slowly, ever so slowly, find a few places where it will turn off the pain and allow you some relief.  I don't count it as recovery I just count it as the release from the ongoing pain.  Anything I can get now that allows me to function without feeling as though I am about to explode is welcome.  

41 years is a very long time to get used to another person.  No matter what the more difficult parts were (and we all had them) the loss of that individual flesh and body who held us close to them in so many ways is not soothing the brain or giving us reason to live.  Until we are given our ticket out we, each of us, bear this tremendous burden and still breathe. 

This site (and there are others, although I find this one the best for communicating between individuals) will be a lifeline that I have used to keep myself from digging too deep into the hole.  It somehow helps to know that your own misery is also someone else's.  

I hope you will find a bit of the light that you will need by walking with us and sharing your grief because we do all understand.

sending stardust.

morgan

 
 
 

Latest Activity

BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I have been very focused on work and have not checked in lately. But you all have been in my prayers every day.  Warm, comforting hugs to all, Blue"
1 hour ago
Marjorie Willcox commented on Alice Thompson's blog post My life has become a scary nightmare again
"I don't quite know what I,m doing here but I want to reply to Alice & Morgan who both replied to me having just joined this forum. I reacted to the death of my husband by having a breakdown and was hospitalised for 2 months. I am still on a…"
7 hours ago
Bruce Armstrong commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Rose-Lost my wife after 54 years one day at a time and it's ok to cry try to talk to friends tell the same story to them how you feel they do not know learn to say no to things -small things will overwhelm you and you will forget things after 7…"
23 hours ago
Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Rose. 8 months for me.  We would have been married 44 years last month.   Weekends are the worst for me as I'm still working and keep busy during the week.   I'm very hollow."
yesterday
Rose C Gianopoulos commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Good evening,  This is my first time in the group.  I lost my husband 3 months ago today.  Each and every Saturday brings me back to the greatest pain I have ever felt.  It has not gotten any better.   We were married…"
yesterday
Profile IconRose C Gianopoulos, Gardenlady and Diane Burningham joined Jon-Paul Ackerman's group
yesterday
Rose C Gianopoulos shared Jon-Paul Ackerman's group on Facebook
yesterday
JenShep left a comment for TimB
"Hi Tim, Thanks so much for your note. I am so sorry to hear about your wife. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to write back to you sooner. I wonder how you are doing? Only a month since you lost your wife... I remember a numbness that…"
yesterday
Profile IconDione Larkin, Linda, Crystal and 9 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
Marjorie Willcox posted a status
"please will so someone reply"
yesterday
Marjorie Willcox posted a status
"I really can't live without my husband"
yesterday
Jean commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hello everyone. Today was bittersweet. I went to visit a dear friend at the hospital where my mother passed almost five years ago(Feb 8th). My mother wrote a short 2 page note of thanks and love to all of the doctors and nurses and staff at the…"
Saturday
Jennifer commented on Jarvis's group I love my Dad.
"Thank you Gilda and JO B.  I really appreciate your kindness and support. I know without any doubt that my Dad is with me just has he always has been.  much love ~"
Friday
Marjorie Willcox posted a status
"It's not just the death of the love of my life it's the death of jthe future growing old together"
Friday
Marjorie Willcox commented on Marjorie Willcox's blog post Loss of my husband
"Thankyou Karen for responding to my pain and sharing how you feel. It really is hell on earth."
Friday
Karen commented on Marjorie Willcox's blog post Loss of my husband
"I feel your pain. It has been only 7 months for me but some days I think it gets worse instead of better. The loneliness is overwhelming when they were such a big part of our world. "
Friday
Sue updated their profile
Friday
Sue joined Jarvis's group
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I love my Dad.

For everyone that has lost their Dad.
Friday
Marjorie Willcox commented on Marjorie Willcox's blog post Loss of my husband
"Thankyou Alice for responding to my pain. I'm new to this site so not sure how it all works. I feel sure I'll never get over this loss but I'm comforted by getting a reply from you & Morgan Thankyou. It must be awful feeling the…"
Thursday
Alice Thompson left a comment for morgan
"My dear Morgan, I am thinking of you as you go through this dark tunnel reliving the end. I did that myself recently, as you know, and it is indescribable. Baby steps, as you say. That’s all we can do. With my love, Alice "
Thursday

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