"I do agree, Trials do not come from God. That does not mean we won't have trials.
I agree with James 1:13 and 1corinthians :10:13
Jesus helps me adjust my views. As most of us know, when I am weak, then He is strong (2corinthians…"
"Well-meaning people may say, “Jesus took your loved one away,” but that can cause people – especially children – to be angry at God. 1 Corinthians 15:26 says death is our last enemy. Therefore, we can say, “Death took…"
"Just a few thoughts regarding faith; Ecclesiastes 3:1,4 says “To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.
That doesn't mean that we…"
"Kim, I can see why you miss him so much. He was a wonderful man who touched a lot of lives, that's how my husband, Joe, was. Everywhere he went he touched someone's life. He had a gift of encouragement, and made strangers feel like they…"
"I have been so lonely the past two days. Have no desire to do anything right now. Spent some time out in my garden, but that didn't help too much...just got a call from my son. Said he'll be back soon (30 minutes).…"
"I am reading everyone's thoughts today. I am feeling lonely today. Guess I've been busy a couple days this week, but it always hits me on the day after I've been so busy with other people. I miss having Joe here to…"
"Kim, I am sorry for your lisd.
take time as much for yourself as you need...if possible take time off of work so you can think. Maybe a close friend could help you do what you need to do. You are right, your…"
"Kim and bluebird,
It's good to hear that you both recognize that grief is exhausting. I talk to my husband all of the time too. I even keep his pillow next to me in bed. Even when my family is here (often).…"
I know that your Shirl is still in your heart. Whatever you do, remember that God is in charge.....He doesn't want you to go through anything you can't handle.....He will get you through this....all we can…"
"Kim, I am so sorry for your loss. Your husband was very young. You are right in saying that every day is a challenge. I was used to facing challenges together with joe, but I have to face them alone now. …"
"Maxey, you are so right about other people. I don't think we will ever get over the death of our spouse,....sad to say, but true. After 41 years of marriage, it will take me that long to get over it! All I can do with other…"
Elynn, I am big on praying too. I find that when I'm just about ready to give up and end it all, I start praying. I don't even know who I'm praying to, I just start talking. I do beg and plead. Oh boy do I! I beg that Rocky will come see me in my dreams. It never happens, at least not the way I thought.
I don't know. I get so sad reading these posts where everyone has been years into this and yet they are still in so much pain. That is what I have to look forward to? I can't stand it.
But I keep plodding along. I go to a job I hate, but one that I need. I try to get involved in a hobby, but then drop it because it just feels stupid. I spend all my weekends alone except for my pets. No one calls, no one knows whether I'm alive or dead. So what do we do?
I am so sorry that you are having to be here on this site because like all of us you too are searching for ways to manage the pain of what has just happened. I lost my husband of 35 years three years ago and it is taking me along time to try and reconstruct any kind of life for myself. I have after this long come to the conclusion that we never get over the death of our spouse. If it was a deep connection no matter the time we spent the loss is unbearable. All we can do is try to take tiny steps towards doing basic tasks like hygiene, eating and getting our financial affairs in some sort of order (which is a herculean task in and of itself) and let the rest of the world work itself out because we don't have the energy anymore to do much else.
I ended up having to sell our home and relocate which was difficult although we had lived several places during our marriage it wasn't like I was giving up a special location it was just that it meant I was packing up and moving to be alone. It was hell. But I could not have afforded to stay where I was. Now I find it has nothing to do with location because all that love was inside me not outside me. So downsizing and coming to a new place was not the pain so much as it was the emptiness of him.
Now having had some time pass I still have really hard days. I truly know they will never stop. But I have days thankfully where the pain of the first couple years has subsided. It's unimaginable that a human being can live through years of the kind of pain I have been experiencing. And I cant say I am out of the woods either. The fog can easily descend on me and I have no control just like I had no control for the first two years.
I don't want to make this any worse than it is I am just trying to provide a little tiny bit of perspective on what is a horrible nightmare. That your brain will slowly, ever so slowly, find a few places where it will turn off the pain and allow you some relief. I don't count it as recovery I just count it as the release from the ongoing pain. Anything I can get now that allows me to function without feeling as though I am about to explode is welcome.
41 years is a very long time to get used to another person. No matter what the more difficult parts were (and we all had them) the loss of that individual flesh and body who held us close to them in so many ways is not soothing the brain or giving us reason to live. Until we are given our ticket out we, each of us, bear this tremendous burden and still breathe.
This site (and there are others, although I find this one the best for communicating between individuals) will be a lifeline that I have used to keep myself from digging too deep into the hole. It somehow helps to know that your own misery is also someone else's.
I hope you will find a bit of the light that you will need by walking with us and sharing your grief because we do all understand.
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Welcome to Online Grief Support - A Social Community
"Good luck, Pamela :-) It is so hard to live among others when your inner life is so different from theirs. I think that after the first year I gave up expecting anyone to understand what is really going on for me. Sometimes I tell them anyway, but…"
"Karen, you saying your not helpful is very untrue. I hate to say it but those ahead of me let me know I'm okay. Those ahead keep me from feeling disappointed or like something is wrong with me because I'm not "moving…"
"I try to do that as well, Bluebell. I always want to be a son who makes my mom proud. I wish that I could somehow know that mom is still aware of me somehow. That she knows how much I miss her and love her. I just don't know if she does.…"
"I am not there yet either Brett.It is so hard to be without her. But I keep putting one foot in front of the other, not to move away from her, but instead to live up to what I think she wanted me to be.
It's been 2 years since I lost my mother and my husband and I am still lost and still very much alone in my grief I haven't been on this site in a while I've been trying to get by every day it's not working too well I'm struggling really really hard my family is still not around I guess they think I am OK that I'm doing fine little do theyknow that I'm not they are coming to my house this Saturday for a cook out because it's something my mother wanted me to do that's the only reason I agreed to…See More
"For sure my mom will always be a part of us. But there may come a day when I don't remember her voice or mannerisms as clearly as I do now. There may be a day that I have to look at a picture to remember exactly what she looked like. All of…"
"This take a trip advice must be widespread -- I was so stunned to get repeated phone calls and letters from one aunt telling me to go on a cruise within a month of my husband's death. I guess my non response is why there were both letters and…"
"Bruce, it's just overwhelming at times. This month is our anniversary, the anniversary of our first date (the most significant date to her), and the 3rd year since I lost her. I have no one to talk to about any of this because my…"
"Theresa, right now my mom is so incredibly fresh in my mind. I do fear that the day will come when that is no longer the case. I don't want my memories to fade away. That is one of the issues that I have with, "letting go.""
"It is true that being anxious will not help anything. There are so many things in life that we just have no control over. This is certainly one of them.
It's just so hard to stop having those feelings though. My stomach is tied in knots right…"
"Bluebell, it will in time...
I talked things through in my mind a lot and said to myself well I was anxious yesterday and the day before and it did not change anything, I did see my dr and took something for a few months and I am now weaning off of…"
"Today we moved everything out of Mom's apartment. It has uncovered a new layer of grief and I am utterly exhausted. My house and garage are in complete disarray with boxes everywhere. I feel so bogged down with things and things to to. I have…"
"Crystal I am so sorry. I lost my Mom on August 30th, and I understand this sense of coldness and feeling like a zombie. When people ask me how I am feeling, I tell them that I go back and forth between numb and devastated. It seems like I will cry…"